


His Robin

by wolftez



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Best Friends, Coming of Age, Connor is still a sweet baby, Fluff and Angst, Gavin looks out for his own, Hurt/Comfort, Kid Fic, M/M, Minor Character Death, Minor Violence, Selectively Mute Connor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-11
Updated: 2018-08-19
Packaged: 2019-06-25 18:31:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 48,310
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15646500
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wolftez/pseuds/wolftez
Summary: Gavin always thought Batman was nothing without Robin by his side. After all, every good superhero had a sidekick. So, when Gavin went looking for his own Robin on Halloween, he ended up finding so much more in a quiet boy named Connor.





	1. The Beginning

**Author's Note:**

> This fic now has some fucking amazing fanart to accompany it thanks to [pan-in-the-sky](https://pan-in-the-sky.tumblr.com)!! Check it out [here](https://pan-in-the-sky.tumblr.com/post/177170671974/all-he-had-to-do-was-grin-at-connor-unabashedly)!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gavin meets someone who turns his little world on its head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's ya girl, back at it again with these two bc I CANNOT. QUIT.
> 
> Okay, so here is some more Connor/Gavin like how i promised some of you, and I hope it doesn't disappoint. I gotta say, I was super excited writing this whole thing, and it's actually completely done, so I have two more chapters to be posting, which will happen on Monday, and then Wednesday.
> 
> Gavin and Connor are ten at the start of this, and for some reason, my detroit fics just seem to have a faster pace to them, and i guess its something new im trying, but it seems to get my writing done faster, if anything, so hoo hah yay.
> 
> Enjoy!

It started in the Fall. The new school year had just started a couple months back, and already Halloween was almost upon them. Halloween was one of Gavin’s favorite times of the year because his elementary school always held a Halloween parade where all the students got to come to school in their costumes, and after lunch, they all got to ride on floats in a parade that went all throughout the streets for the whole town to see. 

This year, Gavin had already decided to go as the one and only Batman. He’d made sure to tell everyone in the class because he definitely didn’t want anyone copying his choice, and he’d noticed that he’d had a bit of a reputation as being the mean kid in their grade. This had its perks, one of which being that no one wanted to be on his bad side. So, once he’d announced to a big group of his friends at recess that he was going to be Batman for the parade, he knew they’d spread the word. 

They did, and that didn’t surprise him. What surprised him was when he went looking for someone to be his sidekick, to be Robin, and no one wanted to step up. Either they had already chosen their outfits, or they didn’t want to follow Gavin around all day and be his second in command. 

Even that dim-witted Elijah Kamski, who Gavin had come to think of as a close friend since they’d spent so much time getting in trouble together, didn’t want to be Gavin’s sidekick because he was already planning on going as Iron Man. 

Gavin hadn’t wanted to admit that every time someone turned down his spectacular offer, his heart would just strangle itself in embarrassment. So, instead, he kicked Kamski in the shin and got his recess taken away. 

 _Screw them_ , he thought, every time he heard his classmates laughing and talking about the upcoming Halloween parade. He’d noticed that they’d all paired off, and some of his _friends_ had decided to coordinate together and without him, talking about their plans to go as an apple and an orange, Spongebob and Patrick Star, and even the—in Gavin’s ten-year-old opinion—babyish Thing 1 and Thing 2. 

Halloween was beginning to look like a disaster for the Batman who would have no Robin by his side. 

He was in an irritable mood in the days leading up to the parade, and his mother had noticed. The night before Halloween, he was standing on a chair in the kitchen of his house, fully attired in his awesome Batman outfit, as his mother made a few adjustments to the chest plate. He wanted to look a bit buffer, and she had no problem fixing it up on such late notice. 

“Lose these frown lines, sweetie, or you’ll end up with wrinkles,” his mom said as she smoothed her thumb across Gavin’s scrunched together eyebrows. Then, she stood up straight and studied him curiously. “What’s troubling you?” 

Gavin huffed and already he could feel the grimace take hold of his face once more. “No one wants to be Robin with me. I asked everyone, and they all said no. I’m gonna look so stupid by myself while everyone else is with their friends. Every superhero has their sidekick, especially Batman!” 

His mother’s eyes softened at his outburst, and she merely laid a laid on his cheek. “You need no one, Gavin. You can shine just as bright on your own.” 

Gavin almost rolled his eyes at her words, but he had more respect for his mother than that. She didn’t get it, though. Batman was part of a duo, and it was just embarrassing for him to have asked everyone and to be turned down every single time. 

His mother went back to tailoring his suit, but he tried not to be such a downer for the rest of the night. He didn’t want to make his mother upset, not after she went through so much trouble to make this costume for him and to make sure he had the best day tomorrow. 

Despite his jumpy nerves, he managed to sleep like a baby that night, and when morning came and his dad dropped him off at school on his way to work, Gavin was in a better mood. How could he not be when the whole day was basically going to be a party? 

Throughout the morning, it was easy to forget that he was mad at everyone for rejecting him when everyone was having so much fun doing other things as a class. The teacher gave everyone popsicles and they all watched Casper, and Gavin didn’t even mind when Kamski sat next to him and they made fun of the background characters in the movie. 

Lunchtime couldn’t have come fast enough, and as everyone gathered into the cafeteria to eat their lunch, Gavin didn’t even sit down at the table he was so excited. He ate his lunch standing up, hopping from foot to foot as he twirled in place once, eating into his apple his mother had packed for him. 

When the parade was finally ready to start, Gavin’s fantastic mood dissipated almost instantly. As soon as the fourth grade class left the cafeteria and headed for the street in front of the school where all the floats were waiting for the kids to be led onto, he watched with a sinking heart as his classmates gathered into their groups of two, three, even six as they found each other and ran onto the float together. 

Gavin chewed on his lip and wrapped his cape around him protectively as he scanned the weaning crowd around him in search of a friendly face, someone he knew, someone who had no one to partner up with. Then, he instantly felt pathetic. Gavin Reed was not that kid who got picked last for the soccer team, and he wasn’t going to sit around like some baby and wait for someone to go up on the float with. 

So, he threw the ends of his cape behind him dramatically, letting the wind wrestle it up behind him and started for the float. Batman could take on the world when Robin wasn’t around, and so could Gavin take on this float by himself. 

He was ready. He had already pumped himself up for this solo ride and knew his mom would be proud at his attitude right now, but as soon as he stepped onto the float, he caught sight of him. 

His Robin. 

The boy was sitting right there by one of the other fourth grade teachers Gavin never really knew. Gavin didn’t recognize the floppy, brown haired kid wearing the bright red and green costume with the yellow cape tied at his neck, a big, stitched R on his chest, but he couldn’t help but bust out a grin at the sight. 

“Robin!” Gavin said, and the other boy instantly lifted his head. The other boy’s wide eyes peeked out from behind a black eye mask, frightened at being addressed, and for once in Gavin’s short life, he hadn’t meant to put that look on someone’s face. 

Before the other boy could gaze away and never look back, Gavin ran up to him, the other boy slowly hunching in on himself at Gavin’s abrupt arrival. “Do you wanna be my sidekick? We could be a real superhero duo.” 

The fear that had bugged the kid’s eyes out only moments before slowly abated as Gavin stood there, refusing to take no for an answer. He just didn’t think he could handle another rejection. Then, the boy tilted his head at Gavin as if he were trying to read him, like Gavin had some sort of secret motive behind his request. 

The few kids who had yet to get on the float filtered in beside them, and when the teacher announced for all the kids to settle in and get ready for the parade, Gavin was just seconds away from pulling another jerk move and kicking this kid in the knee for refusing him. 

But, much to his surprise, the kid merely glanced at the teacher beside him, and once she smiled encouragingly at him, he faced Gavin and nodded his okay. 

And, finally, Gavin had a sidekick. 

“Come on, let's go to the front,” he said, scooping the boy’s hand up in his and starting to drag him away. He only got about a foot away before the teacher that had been sitting with the boy called out to them. 

“Connor, wait,” she said, and the boy pulled on his hand as he stopped, trying to get Gavin to wait with him. “Are you gonna be okay up there?” 

Gavin watched the exchange curiously, waiting for the boy to respond to her, wondering why he even _had_ to respond to her. But, the boy only nodded once more, and then he turned back to face Gavin expectantly. 

Gavin didn’t need to be told twice, so he ran them the few more feet past the other kids huddled together, eating their candy and waving at everyone they passed on the streets. The whole town had come out to see the parade, and as Gavin pushed through the thin line of kids at the front of the float, he dragged the boy up beside him so everyone could see how the best duo on the float was really Batman and Robin and not that stupid Thing 1 and Thing 2. 

All around him, kids were screaming with excitement, and the people lined up along the side of the streets were waving with smiles on their faces, and somewhere up ahead, music was being played by the marching band that led the parade. 

It was like this every year, with Gavin standing at the forefront of the float with a grin on his face, waving and laughing as they passed by the entire town. Usually, he had Kamski or whoever was his friend last year by his side, but this year, it was a strange kid he’d never even met before. 

Gavin turned to the boy at his side for the first time, noticing the way the kid gazed at the crowds on the street in a bright-eyed, almost terrified wonder. 

“Your name’s Connor?” Gavin said, and the boy’s attention instantly flitted to Gavin. Even being this up close, Gavin still didn’t know who this kid was. He didn’t even know there were any Connors in his grade, so maybe the kid was new. 

The boy nodded at Gavin and seemed to hesitate for a moment, furrowing his eyebrows as he thought. Then, he gestured to Gavin expectantly. 

“Me?” Gavin said, and he knew then that this kid definitely must be new if he didn’t know who he was. _Everyone_ knew Gavin and what a little troublemaker he was. Still, he supposed this could work in his favor. It seemed too late to change anyone else’s mind about himself, so maybe this could be the friend Gavin hadn’t known he’d been searching for, someone who didn’t know him and didn’t know what kind of jerk he could be. 

Gavin hadn’t meant to become the class bully, but somehow, he found himself being just that person. He said he had friends, but really, he just had a bunch of kids who tolerated him, who put up with his obnoxious antics so that Gavin wouldn’t pick them as his next target. 

And, it was lonely. If this Halloween had shown Gavin anything it was that no one really wanted to hang around Gavin if they didn’t have to. 

No one but this kid. This kid who was still staring at Gavin expectantly, waiting for his name. 

“I’m Gavin,” he said, and Connor gave him a timid smile, a shy one. It made Gavin’s stomach flip at the sight, and he couldn’t help but smile genuinely back at him. Maybe being nice wasn’t as hard as Gavin had thought it was. 

The parade through town lasted about an hour, and in that time, Gavin was having the time of his life. The teacher had given him a bucket full of candy so that he could toss some out to the crowds as they passed. He did his duty, but he also snuck a bunch of candy for himself and for Connor. 

Kamski had come up at one point with the rest of the Avengers at his back, but Gavin pretended like he couldn’t hear him past all the noise the crowds were making before them. 

When the candy bucket was empty, and the parade was winding down, Gavin took a seat on the side of the float where Connor had retreated to a few minutes ago. 

“That was so awesome,” Gavin said as he sucked on the cherry lollipop he’d stolen from the candy bucket. Connor was eating some of the skittles Gavin had tossed to him earlier, his head down and legs swinging. “Today was so much better than I thought it was gonna be.” 

Connor glanced sideways at Gavin and squinted at him in question, and something suddenly struck Gavin. 

“You know, you haven’t said a word all day,” Gavin said, and very minutely, he noticed Connor’s eyes widen just the tiniest bit. “It’s totally cool,” he quickly added, afraid of running off the only kid who was willing to be Gavin’s second in command for the day. “You’re probably like one of those pirates who had their tongue ripped out for trying to overthrow their captain and steal their treasure.” 

Gavin chuckled as he remembered a movie he saw just like that, but Connor didn’t laugh. Connor only shook his head seriously, as if Gavin really thought that was the case. 

It didn’t seem very funny when only Gavin was in on the joke, but before he could question Connor further, the teacher Connor had been sitting beside earlier came up and tapped Connor’s shoulder, taking up the empty seat on Connor’s other side. 

“Look at you two, Batman and Robin. Funny how you two matched today. Did you already plan this?” 

“I don’t even know this kid,” Gavin said, and the teacher looked at Connor in confusion. 

“You don’t know each other?” she said, but it was mostly directed at Connor. Connor didn’t look at the teacher, and he didn’t even answer her for that matter. Gavin found that weird. If Gavin had ignored a teacher like that, then he would have surely gotten written up for it, so why did this kid get off with only a soft sigh from his teacher? 

“That’s … surprising,” she said, “but, in a good way. I’m proud of you, Connor.” She’d had a hand on Connor’s shoulder as she spoke, but at her praise, Connor slowly shifted out from beneath her and scooted a bit closer to Gavin. 

The confusion he’d been feeling at such a weird interaction must have shown on his face because the teacher smiled at him as she crossed her arms across herself, leaning back against the side of the float. 

“Connor hasn’t said much to you, has he?” 

Gavin’s eyes flickered down to Connor curiously, watching the way Connor continued to slip skittles into his mouth unnoticed. “He hasn’t said anything, actually.” 

She nodded as if she already knew he would say that. “It’s a curious thing that he took off with you and without even knowing you, especially. That’s not something he does, you know?” 

“No. I don’t know,” he said, and he couldn’t help it if his voice sounded a bit sassy. She wasn’t making any sense, and Connor wasn’t making any sense, and he wished someone would just tell him what the deal was. “What’s wrong with him?” 

Connor flinched a bit, and his teacher narrowed her eyes at Gavin. “Absolutely nothing is wrong with him. I just want to get that straight first.” Gavin felt a guilty flush go through him at the reprimand, but not really because he got in trouble for his word choice, but more because of how Connor had reacted; how he hunched his shoulders close to himself and wrapped the tiny skittles bag tightly in one fist. “Connor is just like you and every other kid in this school. He just has a little trouble with one thing that all of you kids have absolutely _no_ problem with,” she said, and he definitely heard the dig there. 

It was on the tip of his tongue to respond in a snarky fashion because he just couldn’t stand being talked down to like this woman seemed to be doing, as if Gavin didn’t understand something, but he didn’t want to hurt Connor’s feelings again, if he even had to start with. So, he bit his tongue as she continued her little lecture, all the while imagining tearing those skittles from Connor’s hands and tossing them one by one into her open mouth while she talked, until she finally said something that caught his attention. 

“Wait, say that again? Connor has a what?” Gavin said, scrapping his daydream. 

She stopped mid-word and glanced down at him. “Connor has selective mutism. It means that he doesn’t speak in a lot of situations. Like here at school, you probably won’t hear him say a word to anyone. He certainly doesn’t speak to me, and I don’t think he’s spoken to any of the other children so far in the last month since he first started here, but his father says that it’s normal for him. He’s always been this way.” 

“Why?” Gavin said, and he frowned as he watched the way Connor continued to swing his legs and ignore the pair of them. Had he really never spoken a word? It seemed pretty lonely to Gavin. Words were the epitome of life for Gavin. He used them to make other kids fear him, he used them to show his mother he appreciated and loved her, and he used them to try and get himself out of some sticky situations—not that he was ever successful, but he thought the teachers found it amusing that he tried. 

Gavin was so full of things to say and ideas to share that he couldn’t even imagine going through life without saying a word. Maybe that was why the boy looked so sad right now as Gavin and the teacher spoke about him. Maybe Connor was full of things to say and felt trapped that he couldn’t. 

The teacher shrugged at Gavin’s question. “No one knows. There’s not a reason for these things. It’s just to say that whenever he feels comfortable enough, you might get him talking. But, otherwise … you’re gonna have to learn to his read body language if you want to understand him.” 

This time, when Gavin glanced at Connor, he found the other boy already looking at him through that black eye mask, his wide eyes no longer so terrified looking, but something else that Gavin felt drawn to. Something that made Gavin want to _try_. 

“Do you have any Beyblades?” Gavin said, because that was the ultimate test here. Gavin absolutely loved his Beyblades, and if he was even going to consider to try to get to know Connor, then he had to know what Beyblades were. 

Connor’s eyes crinkled around the sides as he squinted at Gavin, but then he nodded, and Gavin grinned. 

This was going to be the start of a beautiful friendship. 

At least, Gavin had thought so. 

He didn’t see Connor again after that. Months passed and try as he may, he had only ever caught glimpses of the brown-haired kid in one of the other fourth grade classrooms as he worked studiously on his worksheets. 

There was a reason Gavin had never seen him before the Halloween parade, and it was simply because they never crossed paths during the day. But, it was maddening for Gavin because now he knew that Connor _existed_ , and he couldn’t not try and seek him out. 

He tried one day to sneak into the classroom where Connor was aptly watching the teacher talk to the class about their times tables. The door was wide open and Connor was _right there_ in the back seat closest to the door, so when the teacher moved to write on the board, Gavin dropped to his hands and knees and made quick work of crawling up beside Connor’s desk and tugging on his jeans. 

Connor’s head shot down at the motion, and, at first, Gavin was faced with that familiar wave of confusion, a little fear mixing in those wide, brown eyes. 

“It’s me, Batman, remember?” 

Recognition was slow, but as Connor studied Gavin all over, from the dark, slight curls at the ends of his hair to the boisterous grin on his lips, Connor gave a tentative smile. Then, he wrote something down on the paper in front of him before ripping it off and handing it to Gavin. 

He gazed at the torn note he was given, his heart lighting up at the single word Connor had remembered from their day together. 

 _Gavin._  

“Yeah,” Gavin said, smiling up at Connor. He was relieved to see the other boy finally smiling back, no fear there to occupy. “I’ve been looking all over for you, but you’re a tough kid to find.” 

Gavin wasn’t going to say he missed him because he wasn’t a punk bitch, but not seeing him all this time made Gavin just a little miserable. 

Connor frowned a little and shrugged, at a loss for how to answer. 

Gavin said, “That’s okay. We can—” 

“Gavin Reed! What are you doing on the floor?” 

For the thirtieth time that school year, Gavin ended up losing his recess and having to write a paragraph about responsibility. 

The rest of the school year went by and Connor and Gavin only had little moments, a smile as they passed the halls here, a wave from the classroom window when Gavin found him there. It was no fun always skimming by this kid, and after awhile, he’d sort of given up on trying to find him. It just seemed impossible, and Gavin was tired of getting his hopes up only to fail in getting to know him. 

Pretty soon, Connor became a mere forgotten presence in the back of his mind. 

~ ~ ~

Summer went by, three whole months spent playing at Kamski’s house while they watched Teen Titans and played with their Beyblades; a few days of vacation where Gavin’s father took Gavin and his mom on a trip to the beach; the times where just Gavin and his mom went out for the day to feed ducks at the good pond that was an extra 45 minutes away from their house. Gavin kind of liked those days with just his mom the best. 

By the time fifth grade rolled around, Gavin had almost completely forgotten about that mysterious mute boy who had captured Gavin’s attention for half the school year last year. 

Had almost forgotten. 

Every single memory and feeling he’d associated with that kid came rushing back to him on the first day of school when he saw Connor sitting at his assigned table—the same one as Gavin! 

He was overcome with joy because the world had actually done something nice for Gavin in his life. Had actually attempted in letting Gavin try to have a real friend. 

Gavin raced to his seat, maybe a little too abruptly because Connor straightened rigidly at his arrival, his pencil dropping to the table. 

“Robin!” Gavin said excitedly, grabbing the ends of his desk. 

Connor hadn’t changed much over the summer. Unlike Gavin, who had a bit of a summer-kissed tan, Connor was as pale as ever, like he hadn’t even seen the sun for months. His hair was a bit longer, and a few brunette strands hung over his eyes, but it was easy to see through the cracks to see the light in the other boy’s eyes as he took Gavin in. 

He hadn’t even noticed, but Connor had written something on a neon yellow sticky note and slid it across the conjoined desks that formed their table and onto Gavin’s desk. 

 _Batman._  

Gavin bit his lip to try and stifle the grin that was threatening to take over as he folded the paper neatly and tucked it into his jeans pocket. He’d keep this note, and when he got home, he’d stick it in his drawer to place it next to the _Gavin_ note Connor had given him last year. 

This year, it was so much easier to get to know Connor. They were in the same class, the same damn table! And, the teacher didn’t even mind when Connor passed notes to him because Gavin always lied and said that he was explaining the lesson to him in further detail. He was glad their teacher never wanted to see the notes or else Gavin probably would have gotten Connor in trouble with the drawing of the Godzilla version he’d converted their teacher into. 

Connor, for all his weird quirks and quietness, seemed like any normal kid to Gavin. He found out that Connor liked watching Teen Titans just like Gavin and his other friends. He saw that Connor liked to make jokes, and Gavin could always tell when he was in a joking mood because Connor would widen his eyes comically before pulling an exaggerated funny face their teacher had just made. He even found that Connor liked dipping his pizza in ketchup, which everyone who saw Gavin do the same had always frowned upon because they all said that it was already made up of its form of ketchup, so why dip it in more? There was a difference, and Connor also knew this. 

The fact that Connor hadn’t said a verbal word to Gavin in all this time wasn’t even a problem at all. Gavin, like the teacher had told him last year, had learned to pick up on Connor’s social cues, on his body language. If Connor was frustrated, his fists would clench by his side beneath the desk, hidden from everyone else’s view—everyone but Gavin. When he was confused, his tongue would slip out of the side of his mouth, and he’d scratch his temple with the eraser of his pencil. 

Connor didn’t outwardly smile at anyone much, but when he was really excited, his lips would twitch on the sides as if he wanted to smile, but it never really came to fruition. But, that was something Gavin had an easy solution for. All he had to do was grin at Connor unabashedly, and the other boy finally broke and let the smile loose. 

It was something Gavin was proud of, and when he went home and told his mom all about it, all about his new friend Connor, and how he was pretty much the only one who could make Connor smile, his mother caressed his cheek and told him how proud she was of him. 

They were becoming fast friends, and Gavin thought it was time to step it up a bit. So, one afternoon, when they were packing up their stuff for the day, he invited Connor over to his house. Connor had only stared blankly at him for a minute. It was long enough to have Gavin backtracking, wondering where he went wrong. Maybe Connor didn’t want to see Gavin outside of school? Maybe this was just one of those friendships where it stayed in school and never left those safe confines to dip into their personal lives. 

Gavin would be the first to admit that he didn’t like inviting other kids over to his house, mostly because of his dad. His dad didn’t like the noise that came with Gavin playing with his friends in the house, and so it was always Gavin who went over to people’s houses. 

But, it was different with Connor. He didn’t talk, so how could they make any annoying chatter? 

Connor took out a sheet of paper, and he knew he was in for a long one because Connor started scribbling for minutes, stopping and starting at random intervals. Gavin tried not to watch him as he wrote, his nerves pulling his stomach in all directions, so he started kicking his foot against his other table mate Cathy Monroe’s foot. 

“Gavin, quit it!” she said, and Gavin snickered to himself. 

“Didn’t know it was you,” he said. Cathy only rolled her eyes and scooted her chair further away from Gavin. 

When he glanced back at his desk, Connor’s note was sitting there, facedown, but before he could read it, the end of the day bell rang, and Connor took off anxiously, not even waiting for Gavin this time. 

Gavin let him go without a fuss. He figured whatever the kid wrote wasn’t going to be good, and he didn’t want to face Connor when he read it. 

He grabbed up the note and gathered his backpack and headed out of school alone with the note. 

 _Thanks for inviting me to your house but I don’t think my dad would let me. I don’t like going places by myself and I_ _don’t know_ _your_ _mom and dad_. _I’m sure they’re nice but I’m just   scared of being in new places alone. Thank you for asking. I hope we can still be friends._  

Goddamn it. 

Gavin crumpled the paper up in his hands, frustrated, before immediately unwrapping it and sliding it across his knee to smooth it back out. He read it again, wondering not for the first time why Connor sounded so much like an adult on paper with his perfect grammar and his politeness. 

So, Gavin had been rejected, but he couldn’t really be mad. The boy admitted that he was just scared, and it wasn’t because he didn’t like Gavin or that he didn’t want to go. He did want to come over, but he was just scared. 

When Gavin got home, he opened his top dresser drawer where he kept all his good Beyblades and shoved the note in the drawer with all the rest of the brightly colored papers he’d secretly been collecting. 

The next day at school, Connor kept his head down, and it was almost funny to Gavin how the other kid thought he was going to be able to get away with ignoring Gavin. Not even a chance. 

Gavin had already written a note at home to give to Connor in case this very situation happened, and he slid it across the desk onto Connor’s. He basically explained how Connor didn’t have to feel bad because Gavin understood. He also clarified that they were _best_ friends and would be forever. 

By lunchtime, Gavin and Connor were sitting side by side and eating their lunches together as if nothing had happened.

Fifth grade whizzed by with Connor by his side, and for the first time ever, Gavin was anxious about the school year ending. How was he going to see Connor now? 

It was the last day of school, and they were all in the middle of cleaning their desks using shaving cream the teacher had sprizzled down onto everyone’s desk. They did this every year as a fun “end of the year” activity that also involved cleaning, and usually this was Gavin’s favorite part. He would always stick some of the shaving cream around his chin and run around the room screaming that he was Santa Claus as he tossed out candy from the teacher’s little candy bowl for everyone. 

This year, though, Gavin found himself slowly wiping his hand along his desk, a small knot in the pit of his stomach. It felt like the end of something—and not just the school year. 

Connor wasn’t the least bit down. If anything, he was more excited today than any other day they’d spent together in school. It bothered Gavin immensely because it made him feel like the other boy couldn’t wait to be rid of school—to be rid of Gavin. 

Connor picked up on his mood, and Gavin could tell that the other boy was trying to cheer him up as he mimicked their teacher’s stern face. Gavin smiled tightly, and they could both tell his heart wasn’t in it. So, Connor grabbed up some of the shaving cream on his desk onto his finger, and before Gavin could realize what was going to happen, Connor had already wiped his coated finger down Gavin’s nose. 

That was the beginning of the great shaving cream war of 2014. Everyone in the class began picking up their leftover shaving cream and flinging it at their classmates. The teacher had tried to stop it, but once a large goop flew across the room and hit Gavin square in the eye, even his teacher had stopped to laugh at the struck look on Gavin’s face. 

And, that wasn’t even the best part. The best part was when Connor actually _giggled_ at the sight of Gavin being struck. It was the softest sound amongst the entire room of other voices laughing, but Gavin honed in on the foreign sound immediately, having never heard that particular sound before. 

Connor’s eyes widened when his eyes connected with Gavin, realizing he let the sound slip out, but he never stopped smiling. How the hell was Gavin supposed to go the whole summer without his best friend now? 

Man, he was really going to miss that kid. 

The end of the day came way too soon and without Gavin’s say so, and he and Connor lingered by each other even after the bell rang. They were walking as slowly as they could to the front entrance of the school, prolonging the inevitable. All the while, the little note wrapped up tightly in Gavin’s hand was beginning to burn a hole through his hand. 

The air was hot once they reached the double doors that led outside, and Gavin groaned as the sunlight hit his eyes. He cast his hand up to block the sunlight as he stopped at one of the benches in front of the school. Connor’s dad was already waiting for him, and once he caught sight of the two of them by the bench, he waved at them and honked the horn twice for Connor. 

It was now or never for Gavin, and before Connor could wave goodbye in that silent way and take off running, Gavin grabbed Connor’s hand and shoved the little note with his address into his hand, curling Connor’s fingers over the note. 

“Please come,” he said. Connor wrapped his fingers around the note tightly and gazed between Gavin and the note in confusion. “Catch you later, Robin.” 

He started backing away, toward the sidewalk that he took to walk home, but he didn’t turn around until Connor raised his index fingers to either side of his head to symbol _Batman_ to him. 

Gavin ran all the way home with a smile on his face and hope in his chest that Connor would show up. 

~ ~ ~

A few weeks passed and Gavin spent a lot of that time going to visit Kamski. Admittedly, he hadn’t seen the kid during the whole year because they weren’t in the same class anymore, and Kamski had his new friends and Gavin had Connor. But, it didn’t look like Connor would be showing up, so when he saw Kamski at the community pool one day, he decided that there were worse ways to spend his summer. 

He got back into his old routine of waking up, watching cartoons, eating the amazing breakfast that his mom cooked, and then spending the day with Kamski doing whatever they thought of. They still played with their Beyblades, but Gavin got tired of it after awhile, so they started playing at the park near Gavin’s house with whatever kids showed up that day. 

Gavin liked to play Blind Man’s Bluff with everyone, but he noticed that whenever it was Kamski’s turn to be it, he cheated and he peeked and found everyone who was perfectly still. It was no fun when Kamski played that way. Gavin also cheated when it was his turn, but it wasn’t any fun when Kamski did it, so he took his Beyblades off the ground and started heading back home alone one day after Kamski found Gavin in his perfect hiding spot. 

He cursed Kamski and silently vowed to never go back to that stupid kid’s house the entire walk home, but all his fury swept away in an instant as he walked up the two steps to his house and heard the motor of a car pull in behind him. 

He tensed before he turned, not wanting to hope but _daring_ to. 

He turned around. 

It was him. 

And, just like that, his miserable morning was forgotten about. 

He ran back down the steps and went straight for the passenger side of the car where Connor sat, his arms folded around himself nervously. He was so excited that Connor had showed up that he had to physically stop himself from flinging the car door open and dragging him inside. 

Gavin played the good kid. He waited until Connor and his dad stopped their little chat (which Gavin was _dying_ to know what Connor was saying), and Connor finally opened the door. 

“Connor, I’m so glad you came! It’s been so boring without you. Come on, I’ll show you all my toys. I have this new—” 

“Easy there, champ,” Connor’s dad said as he stepped out of the car, and Gavin stopped his incessant chattering to glance at him. “Think you’re overwhelming him a bit.” 

Gavin squinted at him before taking Connor in, _really_ seeing him. Connor was hunched in on himself a little, his shoulders curled in protectively as he continued to keep his arms wrapped around his midsection. He was gazing apprehensively at Gavin’s house and no where else. 

“Oh,” Gavin said, trying to calm himself. He was such an idiot. Hadn’t Connor told him himself how he was scared to come over? And, yet here he was, at his door with his dad, and all because… Well, he didn’t know what changed his mind, but he was glad _something_ did. 

“Just give him a minute,” Hank said, “and he’ll warm up. Your parents in?” 

“Yeah,” Gavin said, nodding, still watching Connor. “Just my mom. My dad’s at work.” 

“Fine with me. So long as someone is around,” he said and started heading for Gavin’s house. When Connor noticed his dad leaving them, he hurriedly ran past Gavin and caught up with his dad enough to slip his hand into the older man’s. 

Normally, Gavin would have laughed at seeing one of his friends run up to their parents to hold their hand like a bunch of babies. But, all he felt right now was a strange surge of … something. Something that made him want to smack himself for even thinking about laughing at Connor. 

Gavin ran ahead and opened the door for them, yelling to his mom that they had company. She came bustling out of her bedroom with a confused smile on her face. 

“Hello,” she said, clearly flustered. ”I’m sorry, Gavin didn’t mention he was having any friends over, or else I would have cleaned the house.” 

Connor’s dad smiled kindly at her and waved her off. “I should be the sorry one for showing up here without a phone call, but Connor only had an address, and he’s just been talking non-stop about your boy. Don’t worry yourself over the house, ma’am. I know just how messy a place can get when you have kids running around. And, this one here doesn’t like to clean up after himself,” he said, messing a hand through Connor’s hair. 

Gavin’s mom laughed. “Gavin is notorious for leaving those little spinning toys of his around the living room if the tiny bruises under my feet say anything.” 

The two adults laughed at her unfunny dig, and Gavin rolled his eyes. 

“Mom, can I show Connor my room now?” Then, he glanced at Connor’s dad for an okay. “Is that all right?” 

“Sure, honey,” his mom said, while Connor’s dad said, “S’okay with me.” 

 _Finally_. Gavin carefully walked up to Connor like he was afraid he might blow if he moved too quickly. Luckily, Connor seemed a bit more relaxed being close to his dad, so when Gavin eased to his side and quietly asked Connor if he wanted to go see his toys, Connor gulped and gazed up at his dad. 

“Go on, I’ll be right here,” the older man said, patting Connor’s back. It took only a moment, but Connor finally started forward, and Gavin wasted no time in leading the way to his bedroom. 

Gavin loved his bedroom. It was his safe spot, a space that was entirely his own with no dad dragging him down, no mom asking him to pick up his toys, and none of his “friends” who, before when he used to have them over, would play too rough and ended up breaking his toys. 

He didn’t think he’d have that problem with Connor. 

When Connor walked in behind Gavin, he almost immediately relaxed from his rigid posture, the kid he knew from school slowly emerging once more, coming out of his hard shell.  

“Here, take this,” Gavin said handing Connor the controller to his brand new remote-control car his dad had bought him last week. He stood beside him and showed him which buttons moved what and which were the brakes, and Connor was a quick learner, he always had been, so when Gavin stepped back and flopped down onto his bed, he watched excitedly as Connor raced the little ATV around the floor, never once hitting something solid. 

They played together for what felt like hours, going from the remote controller to Gavin’s expansive collection of Beyblades, and when the sun started going down past the massive tree outside Gavin’s window, Connor had a bright idea. 

Connor carefully unraveled the blanket from Gavin’s messed up bed and held it to the top of the dresser drawers, one eyebrow raised. 

“You wanna make a fort?” Gavin said, already loving the idea. Connor nodded enthusiastically, and Gavin told him to hold on a minute while he went to get more blankets from the hall closet. 

The carpet of the floor masked his running footsteps, so when he got to the closet door beside the kitchen, he hesitated a moment as his mom and Connor’s dad’s conversation drifted out to him. 

“That must be very difficult to manage,” his mom said softly, sadly, and Gavin dared to peek around the corner into the kitchen. His mom and Connor’s dad were sitting at the kitchen table, coffee mugs in front of them both. His mom had a hand to her cheek and a faraway look in her eyes as Mr. Anderson chewed on his lip. 

“It ain’t easy, but I get on okay. Connor’s a fine kid, damn near smarter than I was at his age. He’s just … he’s real anxious, you know? He just can’t handle the pressure like we can, and so he just shuts down verbally. Or, so that’s what the doctors tell me. Just wish there was a way to help him more. He talks just fine with me, but I’m not the whole world. He needs to branch out, and I’m not sure I’m doing enough to get that wheel turnin’.” 

His mom picked her head up to look at Mr. Anderson, and Gavin hurriedly pulled his head back and away from the kitchen before he could be spotted. 

“You’re doing the best you can,” she said gently but firmly. “You said so yourself, just him wanting to come over here today is progress.” 

He heard the older man snort. “Yeah. The kid damn near talks my ear off all the time talking about your son, how he did this cool thing for him, and how he’s so funny. It’s the first time I’ve seen him come home and not whine about having to go back to school the next day. He’s been wanting to come over for a while now, but he’s … skittish about being around adults he don’t know. But, I think the urge to see your son made him push through that today, and, well, here we are.” 

“Here we are,” his mom agreed, and Gavin could hear the smile in her voice. 

They didn’t say anything more, and Gavin suddenly remembered about the blankets, so he turned back and opened the hall closet to get the blankets his mom put in there. 

When he went back in the bedroom, his thin arms full of blankets it was just about covering his head, Connor raced over to him and took off the top load, dropping them to the floor beside them before picking up the top one and getting to work with getting it to stick to the top of the dresser drawer. 

As Connor worked on trying to tie that one corner down onto his dresser drawer, Gavin felt frozen as he stood where Connor had dropped the blanket load, and he couldn’t seem to get out of his head. Their parents’ conversation just kept floating through him like a movie reel, and he was trying to understand everything he had just heard, trying to understand the tight feeling in his chest. 

He was only able to come back when he felt a hand on his arm. Connor was gazing concernedly at him, his brown eyes wide, his eyebrows slanted, his touch warm on Gavin’s arm. 

“I’m glad you came,” Gavin said, or more like whispered. The other boy was so close, barely a foot away, there was no need to be loud in this moment. 

Connor’s eyebrows smoothed out as Gavin said the words, and after a quiet moment, he patted his chest twice. 

 _Me, too._  

They smiled at each other, Gavin unusually shy and Connor characteristically shy, as they both took a moment to soak in the peace. 

Gavin swallowed, and he knew if he didn’t move away and make a joke in the next two seconds then he would do something stupid, like hug the kid, and Gavin still wasn’t that much of a punk bitch. 

“It’s time to finish our Fort Knox,” he said, throwing his hands up in a karate move. He was relieved when Connor only rolled his eyes playfully at him and headed back to finish the fort. 

It didn’t even take that long. They’d finished their fort in no time, and as they hid under it and looked at some of Gavin’s comic books together with a flashlight, Gavin couldn’t stop thinking about how today was the best day he’d ever had. 

Then, their parents had to come and spoil it. 

“Knock, knock,” Mr. Anderson said, and both boys looked at each other, groans stilling in their throats. “Any boys hiding in this room?” 

“Wow, look at this,” his mother said in awe, and Gavin knew she was admiring the massive fort that expanded from his dresser drawers all the way to the end of his bed. “This is really something.” 

Gavin crawled out of the fort first and slumped on his knees as he gazed at his mom. “Five more minutes? I didn’t even get to show him my DS.” 

She folded her arms across her chest. “I’m sorry, sweetie, but Mr. Anderson said it’s getting close to Connor’s bedtime. And, the same goes for you, too, buddy. You still need to take a bath, and—” 

Gavin groaned dramatically at the word _bath_ and flopped down onto the floor. The funny thing was he was seriously upset at this news, but he wasn’t going to make too much of a fuss while Connor was here; that’d be so embarrassing. 

Connor came crawling out next, and Gavin immediately threw himself back up onto his knees. “Can he come back over? Or, can I go over to his house? _Please_?” 

And, how could they say no now? He said _please_! And, he never said _please_ to anyone, much to his mother’s dismay. 

Her surprise definitely showed as she raised her eyebrows. “Oh my, now this really is a miracle,” she said to herself and chuckled once. “Well, Connor is always welcome over here, but you’d have to ask Mr. Anderson about going over to his house.” 

Connor’s dad shifted, and he looked uncomfortable as all eyes in the room turned to him for an answer. He scratched a hand through his beard and huffed a laugh, gazing at Connor. “I’d be surprised if Connor _didn’t_ want the kid to come over. Would you like that, Connor? You want him to come over our house next time?” 

Connor pushed himself up and ran to his dad to pull on his arm. He waited until he had the man’s attention before he rested his hands flat under his own cheek, miming going to sleep. Mr. Anderson chuckled and laid his arm around Connor’s shoulders. 

“He’s so keen on the idea he’s already thinking about sleepovers.” 

“Ooh, yes! Mom, please, can I go sometime?” Gavin said. And, he knew if he asked his mom instead of his dad that he’d probably get a yes from her, because his mom actually cared about his friends. 

“It’s no trouble,” Mr. Anderson said, a soft smile on his face as he looked at Gavin’s mom. “I’ve had my fair share of sleepovers with Connor when he was younger, so your boy is safe with me. I’m a cop, in case I didn’t mention before.” 

“Are you, now?” she said, and Gavin watched as his mom lifted a playful eyebrow at him. “Is that supposed to make me feel better about letting my son go to a complete stranger’s house? Because you’re a cop?” 

Connor’s dad huffed a laugh as he squinted at her in interest. “You’re a tough bargain. Okay, no, I get it. It’s smart. You can come over for dinner some time and check the place out if that makes you feel better. Then, we can get back to talks of a sleepover.” 

His mom smiled, and it was that annoying smile that Gavin always shuddered at when she gave that same smile to his dad. “I’d like that. Gavin would like that, right, sweetie?” 

“As long as I get to sleepover, then I’ll like anything.” 

Gavin’s mom chuckled, and he pushed himself up and ran to her so she could wrap him up against his side. Hey, Connor was doing it, so why couldn’t he? 

Mr. Anderson nodded stupidly, and Gavin was beginning to get annoyed at how Connor’s dad kept smiling at his mom. “Sounds like a date, then.” 

Ugh. 

His mom and Connor’s dad guided them into the living room as they said their goodbyes, but it took another twenty minutes of the four of them just standing by the door as their parents talked about absolutely nothing. Connor sneakily pulled some hilarious faces at Gavin, and the two of them giggled to themselves during that brief time. 

When Connor began yawning and rubbing sleepily at his eyes, Mr. Anderson finally took notice and said yet again that he had to go. This time, Gavin’s mom let him, and as Connor waved to Gavin as he trailed down the steps of his porch, Gavin waved back, his mother waving beside him. 

“I like that family,” Gavin’s mom said later that night as she tucked him into his bed. The fort was still up, and Gavin had negotiated for that to stay up because it was so cool, and it was something he and Connor had done together. If he had to do a few more chores around the house to keep that up, then it was worth it. 

“Yeah, Connor is so funny. He’s always making these dumb faces when the teachers aren’t looking. And, he’s spot on, too! He does it just like them.” 

His mom smiled softly at him and ran her fingers through his soft hair soothingly. Gavin’s eyelids started drooping at the soft, comforting pressure; he loved when his mom did this. 

“I’m so glad you have such a good friend, Gavin. I know I always told you how you never needed anybody, but this kid is the kind of friend I’ve always wanted for you. Someone who’s kind and nice and doesn’t break your toys,” she said, going in for a quick tickle on his ribs. Gavin squealed once before he pushed her hands away. Then, she rested her hands atop the blanket once more. “Someone who makes you smile because I love seeing this smile. It’s much nicer than that grimace you always used to wear.” 

Gavin picked at his mom’s fingers on his blanket, gently pressing the pads of his thumbs into her nails. “That’s because Connor is better than everyone else. Especially Kamski. He’s such a cheater. I bet Connor wouldn’t cheat at Blind Man’s Bluff.” 

“And, the fact that Connor hasn’t spoken to you doesn’t bother you, does it?” 

“No,” he said honestly. Sure, Gavin always wondered what his voice sounded like, and he thought about how much easier it would be to communicate if Connor just _talked_ to him, but that just wasn’t Connor. “Connor talks in other ways. He talks with his hands and with his eyes. And, especially with his face. I always know what Connor is trying to say when I look at his face.” 

“That’s beautiful,” she said, and by now Gavin was so tired. He was almost drifting off even before his mom could leave. “I hope you realize how special this friendship is for Connor. You’re the first real friend he’s ever had, and I want you to watch out for him.” 

“What do you mean?” he said, but before he could even hear her answer he’d already fallen asleep, content and happy under his mother’s hand. 

~ ~ ~

They went over for dinner two weeks later. If it had been up to Gavin, they would have gone that very next day, but Gavin’s mom insisted that they wait just a little longer. 

It was a good thing, too, Gavin thought, because his dad went on a work trip yesterday. For some reason, Gavin was really apprehensive in telling his dad all about Connor. It’s just that his dad could be so insensitive sometimes, and with Connor being mute, he thought his dad might not understand him in the way Gavin did, in the way his mom did. 

So, today, his mother got them ready, laying out Gavin’s best clothes for him. He hated it because it wasn’t like he was going to one of his dad’s fancy parties where they all had to go as a family and smile all day long. He was just going to his best friend’s house. But, he did say he’d do anything so long as he could sleepover at Connor’s, so he put his button up shirt on and his slick dress pants on without a word of complaint—maybe a few grumbles when his mom wasn’t near, but not a word of complaint. 

On the drive over to Connor’s house, Gavin kicked his feet against the floor of the car, anxious. He was really excited to see what Connor’s bedroom looked like and to see what kind of toys he had. And, he knew that Connor felt safe at home, and that’s why that was pretty much the only place Connor actually let himself talk out loud to his dad. He wondered if he’d get to see that today. He wondered if he’d get to hear Connor speak for the first time. 

They pulled up to the single story house, and before they could even shut the engine off, the front door had opened to reveal Mr. Anderson. 

Connor’s dad rushed out to greet them. Or, his mother, rather. He opened the car door for his mom like she couldn’t get it herself, and Gavin rolled his eyes to himself as he followed his mom out of the car. 

When Gavin caught sight of Connor peeking out from behind the front door to his house, Gavin made a dash for him, his overnight backpack thumping against his lower back as he ran inside the house. 

“Robin! I’m so excited for the sleepover tonight. I brought my Beyblades, and that one comic we didn’t get to finish,” Gavin said as he rushed to unzip his backpack. 

Connor bit his lip as he smiled at him, bouncing on his heels as their parents shuffled in behind Gavin. 

“Sweetie, can you wait until after dinner to bring out the toys? Don’t be rude,” Gavin’s mom said, and he could hear the undercurrent of a scolding in her tone, so he begrudgingly zipped his backpack closed and set it beside the couch. 

Mr. Anderson’s dinner sucked. It was spaghetti, and as Gavin dove in for the first bite expecting the same kind of taste that his mother made, he was sorely given a rude awakening when he was met with rubbery noodles. It tasted like he was chewing on bland cheese, the sauce slipping right off the rubbery, hard-to-chew noodles. 

That was just the first bite. As he looked around the table to gauge everyone else’s reaction, he was relieved to find Connor across from him, frowning down at his plate as he slid his fork back and forth across the food, trying to make it smaller. His mom was slowly but surely trudging her way through her plate like a true warrior; she’d still had a bunch on her plate, but she was doing the same thing Connor was doing in sliding her food around to make it look like she was eating more than she actually was. 

Even Mr. Anderson seemed to be having a hard time chowing his food down as he continually gave tiny grunts as he chewed his food, coughing slightly into his fist. 

His mom noticed Gavin not eating, and she kicked his foot under the table. He glanced at her, her smile tight and her eyes wide. “Eat it,” she hissed through her teeth, low enough so only Gavin could hear. 

“No way. It tastes like paper,” he hissed back. 

His mom choked at his words, and he could tell she was trying to hold in a laugh. 

“All right, there?” Connor’s dad said, his hand reaching out to rest easily on her arm. His mom blushed furiously at the attention and nodded. 

“Yes,” she said, and she wiped at her mouth with her napkin but not before she shot a subtle glare at Gavin. 

Mr. Anderson sighed, long and deep, and both Gavin and Connor raised their heads at the sound. He was resting back against his chair, arms spread out along the table, a sheepish smile on his face. 

“Not exactly five star gourmet living, is it?” Mr. Anderson said.

“I wouldn’t even give this two stars,” Gavin said, and he was being generous. 

“ _Gavin_ , please,” his mother said, smacking her napkin across his elbow in admonishment. 

Across the table, Mr. Anderson chuckled. “Kid’s just being honest; no fault there. Truth is, I don’t actually cook very well or very often for that matter. Most nights, if I don’t feel like going out and picking up some food, then I just pop in a quick meal in the microwave for me and Con and call it dinner.” 

His mother made a soft sound at that, a sad sigh. “Oh, well, that’s no way to eat,” she said gently, gazing at Connor with soft eyes. “What do you enjoy eating, sweetie?” 

Connor tensed up at being addressed, and he folded his hands together on the table, his eyes flickering back and forth between his dad and Gavin’s mom before landing back on his dad. 

Mr. Anderson cleared his throat. “Connor doesn’t like too much. He’s a picky eater, so most of the time he ends up wanting some form of chicken. Chicken nuggets, chicken tenders, baked chicken, fried chicken, you name it. If it’s got chicken, chances are he’ll eat it.” 

This was something Gavin knew as well, and it was part of the reason he liked to sit beside him for lunch because Connor almost always packed a chicken sandwich for lunch—and Connor was kind; he shared. 

Gavin’s mom grinned brightly, and he knew ideas were sprouting in her head. She always had such spontaneous ideas, and Gavin suddenly felt his heart spike with wonder. 

“That’s an easy fix,” she said, biting her bottom lip. Then, she faced Mr. Anderson. “Please tell me you have at least two pounds of chicken, some flour, and a whole bunch of different spices in that kitchen?” 

Mr. Anderson pursed his lips as he thought, and after he tipped his chair back a little so he could peruse the entire kitchen around them, he dropped back to all fours and grinned. “You, my good lady, are in luck.” 

Gavin smiled as he watched his mother clap her hands excitedly before jumping up from her seat. She had just started opening cabinets when she stopped and turned back to the table where no one else had moved.  

“I hope you don’t think I’m making this whole meal by myself. I need the three of you up here, stat!” 

Connor’s dad grinned guiltily at both Gavin and Connor as he started to rise. “You heard the woman. Get to it.” 

For the next hour and a half, the four of them navigated the kitchen under his mother’s orders, passing her this spice and putting this much pepper in the flour mix, and being careful to watch out for Connor’s dad in the corner, who was very studiously chopping up the chicken into fine pieces, just the size of a chicken nugget. 

It was so much fun, and it was something he’d never done before. He’d helped his mom in the kitchen before, but his dad was never a part of it. He was usually still coming home from work when mom made dinner, so by the time he got home, all the cooking was already over. But, in this house, everyone participated and everyone had a job to do. Connor was in charge of finding the spices and lining them up for his mother to use. Gavin was tasked with measuring out the amount of spice to put in. And, Mr. Anderson had the fun job of doing the cutting of the chicken. 

His mom had the hardest job, though. She was in charge of actually cooking the chicken, and that always seemed hard to Gavin because when were you supposed to flip the chicken? How long were you supposed to leave it in for? What temperature were you supposed to set it for? 

He didn’t know the answer to any of these questions, but his mom knew. His mom knew everything. 

Maybe that was why when they’d finally finished cooking all the chicken and had tossed them all in a bowl to eat out of together, the chicken tasted so much sweeter; because all four of them had a hand in it. Maybe his mom hadn’t been lying when she said making the food with a little bit of love would make it taste so much better. 

The four of them were sitting on and around the couch, watching a movie Connor had picked out, the parents actually setting on the couch, and Gavin and Connor sitting at their feet, the bowl between them. Connor was sitting with his knee pulled up and his back resting against the couch and his dad’s leg, while Gavin was lying on his stomach, his chin in his hands, as they watched The Lion King. It was Connor’s favorite, apparently, and Gavin had never actually seen this Disney movie. 

About halfway through, when the young lion had started aging through quick time jumps, Gavin swiveled his body around to reach for another chicken nugget. His hand had just reached the bowl when his eyes drifted to his mother on the couch. 

He watched and squinted at the way Connor’s dad had his arm resting pretty comfortably on the back of the couch, right behind his mom’s back. His mom had her head tilted toward Mr. Anderson as he whispered something into her ear, and then she giggled quietly into her hand at whatever he said. When she caught Gavin looking, she dropped her hand and straightened up, focusing back on the movie very pointedly now. When he checked on Connor’s dad, he found him doing the same. 

Gavin scooped up the nugget that he’d just had his fingers resting on and turned back to the movie, confusion sweeping through him. That was … weird. 

But, Gavin didn’t dwell on it. Adults always had their big people secrets they didn’t want to share with the kids all the time, and this was just one of those things. 

Gavin didn’t catch the end of the movie. He ended up falling asleep right there on the floor. 

When he woke up, he found Connor’s hand flopped across his face. He knocked it away and sat up, taking in his surroundings. Connor was asleep on the floor beside Gavin, his arms flung out and his mouth wide open.  

Gavin rubbed at his eyes and yawned as he got up to look for his mother. He found her in the kitchen, leaning against the kitchen counter with a steaming cup of coffee in her hand. When she caught sight of him, she smiled sleepily at him and beckoned him over. 

“Morning, sweetie,” she said, and when he reached her, she wrapped her arm around his chest, pulling his back against her front, and kissed the top of his head. “I can’t imagine you slept well on that floor all night.” 

“It was okay,” he said. Gavin was a sound sleeper and could sleep anywhere: the floor, the couch, he even slept in the bathtub one time, and that was only because he was sick, and the cold tile felt good against his clammy skin. 

“The couch was okay for me, too. A bit too springy for my taste, but I didn’t want to leave you while you slept last night.” 

“You coulda left if you wanted. I was fine here.” 

“I know, but, still.” 

Gavin let himself be swayed as his mother gently rocked them from side to side. It was quiet, and the fog of sleep still hung over Gavin, so her gentle swaying just had him closing his eyes in peace. Gavin thought he was always most content being right under his mother’s gentle hand. 

“Now, that I’ve seen this place and have gotten to know Hank a bit better, I think it would be okay if you spent a few nights over sometimes.” 

Gavin’s eyes popped open, and he whirled around to face her excitedly. “Really?” Then, he frowned as her words washed through him. “Wait, Hank?” 

“Yeah. Mr. Anderson. His name’s Hank, and he actually said last night that we can just call him by his name. Even you.” 

Hank. It sounded much better than just calling him Connor’s dad or Mr. Anderson. 

His mother’s eyebrows were downcast when he gazed back at her, and she seemed to be thinking about something as she chewed on her lip. “Gavin…” she started, hesitant. 

“Mornin’,” a gruff voice said behind Gavin, and he turned to find Hank walking into the kitchen and scratching at his head. “Glad to see you found the coffee maker. Just the pick me up I need right now.” 

His mother straightened once more and ushered Gavin to the side with her so Hank could reach the coffee pot behind them. “It’s all yours. Thank you, again, for letting me stay. I know it was supposed to be a kids sleepover, but I just couldn’t leave him without letting him know.” 

“Ah, don’t worry about it. We ain’t got much space here, but you’re always welcome to treat this place as friendly. I mean, our boys are practically best friends, so I’m sure they’ll be thinking of the other’s house as a second home eventually.” 

His mother chuckled, sipping at the mug at her lips. “Suppose so,” she said. 

Hank poured himself a cup of coffee and leaned against the counter where his mom had been standing moments before. He glanced at Gavin as he took a quick sip out of his mug. “Why don’t you go wake up that sleepyhead in the living room? I don’t want him oversleeping, or else it’ll be hell trying to get him to sleep at his normal bedtime tonight.” 

Gavin’s mom had moved her hand to brush against the hairs at the back of Gavin’s neck, and she pushed his back slightly to get him moving. “Go on,” she said gently. “We have to go soon, anyway. We’ve gotta go pick up your dad at the airport.” 

“He’s coming back already?” Gavin couldn’t help the way he whined the question out. He knew these sleepovers wouldn’t be a frequent thing with his dad around. 

“Gavin,” his mother admonished. Before she could lecture him on manners and respecting his dad, Gavin turned on his heel and ran to the living room. 

Connor looked funny while he slept. His mouth was wide open, and a little bit of drool had crusted around his mouth, and as Gavin leaned closer to inspect his face without interruption, the smell of Connor’s morning breath hit him, and he groaned lightly. 

Gavin's lips tweaked up at the corners as he glanced around him for anything he could use to stick in Connor’s mouth. How he wished he had a phone to take a picture with, but his parents said he couldn’t have one for at least another year and a half, when he was 13. 

He giggled to himself as his eyes landed on Connor’s nerf gun on the ground beside Connor's feet. Little styrofoam bullets were lying beside it, and he grabbed the little green bullets up in his hand. 

Gavin was just about to stick the bullets in Connor’s mouth as if they were two giant teeth on the sides, but when he giggled softly once more right in Connor’s face, the other boy suddenly roared and jumped up in Gavin’s face. 

He fell backward and screamed a very girly scream (though he would deny it when Connor brought it up again later) and _oofed_ as his elbows hit the carpet. 

Connor was now sitting up, clutching himself at the waist as chuckles burst forth. 

“You’re a douche,” Gavin said as he pushed himself back up. He flung the bullets in his hand at Connor’s face, and Connor brought his hands up to belatedly block the attack. 

“I’m sorry,” Connor said, that dumb smile still on his face. 

Gavin was about ready to pounce on the other boy, but then his brain finally caught up to him. 

Connor just talked. Like, with his _words_ talked.

“Dude!” Gavin said, and he crawled right up to Connor and sat on his knees. “You can talk. I was really beginning to think you _were_ a pirate whose tongue got cut out.” 

All traces of humor left Connor as he bit at his fingers, glancing around them, the realization that he’d just spoken out loud registering. 

“It’s just us," Gavin reassured him. "My mom's in the kitchen with your dad.” 

Connor nodded and looked at Gavin, a curious gaze, one that had Gavin flushing inside. 

“I’ve never spoken to anyone before. Only my dad, and ... and my therapist, lately,” Connor said, and as he said that out loud, a slow forming smile began to takeover his face, his eyes bright as he gazed at Gavin again. “I wish I could have done this sooner. Talk to you. I’ve always wanted to, but I just … couldn’t. I don’t know,” Connor said, and Gavin was _loving_ the soft, forward sound of Connor’s voice. 

“That teacher from last year once told me that you’d only start talking if you felt comfortable around that person. I can’t believe it took you a whole year to get used to me," Gavin said, but he wasn’t really salty about it, though. How could he be when Connor just said his first words to him? 

Connor apparently felt guilty, though. “I’m sorry.” 

Gavin pushed his arm, trying to get that sad look off of his face. “Don’t be. You’re talking now, and that’s all that matters. Oh, man, this is so cool! I’ve always wondered what your voice sounded like, and I gotta say, your voice sounds so … _you._ I don’t know, but I can’t imagine any other voice for you now.” 

Connor bit his lip, and then he grinned back at Gavin. “You should have seen your face. You were all, like.” And, then Connor proceeded to mimic Gavin’s scared face, only a hundred times funnier. 

“Oh, yeah?” Gavin said, and Connor recognized the predatory look in his eyes, but he wasn’t fast enough to scramble away before Gavin pounced on the boy, pinning him to the floor as he straddled his waist. Connor’s tummy rumbled with laughter beneath him, and before Gavin could go for Connor’s hair, the other boy surged forward and pushed Gavin off. They wrestled around for about a minute before the sound attracted their parents, and that was the end of that. 

Gavin and his mom left soon after, and even though Gavin didn’t see Connor for a few more weeks, the separation wasn’t that bad. Gavin had the memory of Connor’s voice that he carried with him every single day to hold him over.

~ ~ ~

It became a pattern. Gavin’s dad would go on a business trip, which usually lasted about two or three days, and Gavin and his mom would go to visit Connor and his dad. Most days, the four of them went out to fun places, like the museum to see all the cool old artifacts from the time of dinosaurs, or the time they went to the water park and Gavin and Connor slid down all the different slides together. 

Perhaps his favorite day of the summer came when they went to go do something simple. Feeding the ducks at the pond was something Gavin only ever did with his mother, never with his dad or anyone else. But, his mother had suggested it first, and Gavin was stoked at the idea. 

The four of them had piled into Hank’s car one day, and she showed him the way to the good pond. 

Connor and Gavin played in the backseat with some of Connor’s action figures the entire way. Connor didn’t really speak anymore unless he and Gavin were alone and away from his mom. Apparently, as much as Connor said he liked his mom, he still didn’t feel comfortable talking in front of her. Which Gavin understood. In fact, he would have been downright offended if he started talking to his mom anytime soon because it took Gavin a whole year of friendship before he’d even heard what the boy’s voice sounded like! Connor only knew his mom for, like, two months already. 

So, unless the two were completely alone, or Gavin’s mom simply dropped him off at Connor’s house without her, Connor hadn’t talked too much. 

When they reached the pond, Gavin took off racing with the bread pack in his hand, Connor trailing on his heels. 

Gavin called it a pond, but this place was really a lake, flowing in a circle around a huge mall. There were little bridges so you could walk over the water to get to the other side, and that’s where Gavin led Connor. 

He sat down on the edge, dangling his legs over the bridge and resting his arms on the bar at his chest as Connor sat beside him and open up the bread. 

“I love coming here,” Gavin said, watching as their parents sat at a bench across the lake from them. The two of them were as cozy as ever, and they seemed to be getting closer every single time they met up. 

Gavin always watched their displays with furrowed eyebrows because he’d never seen his mom be so friendly with other people she knew. He used to watch her interact like that with his dad, but he couldn’t even remember the last time he’d seen his parents just laugh and be happy together. 

It bugged Gavin to see Hank’s arm around his mom all the time when they thought no one was looking, but he never said anything about it. His mom looked super happy, and he thought if she knew that he saw them all the time, then she’d stop being happy. 

He didn’t want that. 

“What are you thinking about?” Connor said, and Gavin leaned the side of his face on the bars as he glanced at Connor. 

This year, unlike the previous year, Connor’s skin glowed with a new layer of a tan. They’d been spending most of their summer outdoors, and Gavin’s skin was just a bit darker because he suspected he spent just a little more time outside than Connor did. He still played at the park with his friends when Connor wasn’t able to hang out, but it wasn’t as fun as being here right now, tossing bread out to the ducks gathered beneath their dangling feet. 

“Just thinking about how middle school is gonna be. We’re gonna have so many different classes, and I hope we get to share at least one class together.” 

Gavin snaked a piece of bread out from the bag and tore into it with his mouth, chewing off a bite before tossing the rest to the ducks. 

Connor was quiet, and Gavin wondered if Connor had even thought about school, yet. It was only two weeks away, but Gavin felt like it was coming tomorrow. Like today was their last day of freedom. 

“I’m scared,” Connor said quietly, and Gavin slowly picked his head up as he studied Connor. “What if the teachers don’t understand me, don’t _want_ to understand me and try to make me talk?” Connor gazed at Gavin, and his heart squeezed at the pure look of fear in the other boy's eyes. “I’m getting better, I know I am. My therapist says I am, but … I’m not there, yet. And, I’m gonna have seven different teachers, and what if one of them forgets?” 

“Easy, Con, school’s not even here yet,” Gavin said, trying to get the kid to calm down, but Connor only shook his head, and he doubted the other boy even heard him. 

“And, I probably won’t even have you there to help me explain to them. A—And there will be so many more kids joining from other schools, kids who don’t know me, and I heard middle school was the worst, and the kids are mean, and—” 

“Connor! Relax,” Gavin said, and he grabbed him by the shoulders to get him to focus. Connor was still panting heavily, his eyes darting from side to side as his thoughts continued to circle, and when Gavin smacked his hands against Connor’s cheeks to get him to focus, Connor took an abruptly deep breath and held it. “Calm down.” 

Connor held his eyes steadily and released his pent up breath in a slow and steady stream. When Gavin felt that Connor wasn’t going to go off again, he dropped his hands from his face, the warm air striking cold against his palms. 

“You wanna listen for a sec?” Gavin said, and after a moment, Connor nodded. “I really don’t think middle school is gonna be as bad as you think. I know a couple sixth graders from my neighborhood and some of them are really cool. I think they’re only mean to the kids who are mean to them first, so you have nothing to worry about. You’re, like, the nicest kid ever, and how can you offend anyone when you don’t even talk?” 

It was sound logic to Gavin, and he may have fibbed a bit when he said kids only picked on other mean kids. He’d seen some of the older kids in the neighborhood go after the young, the weak, the ones who didn’t defend themselves, but he wasn’t going to say any of this to Connor. Besides, if anyone tried anything with Connor, then Gavin would have no problem greeting his fist to their faces. 

So, he wasn’t lying: Connor had nothing to worry about. 

“But, what about the teachers?" Connor said. "I can tell they get frustrated with me, sometimes, even though they try to hide it. Some of them just act like I’m deaf, and they just talk about me like I’m not even there, or like I don’t know what they’re saying.” 

Gavin frowned at him, unaware that these kind of instances occurred with him. But, his relationship with the other boy was always in a “now” moment. It wasn’t like Connor could tell him about the kind of experiences he had, not when their communication was limited to what Connor wanted and felt in that moment they were together. If Connor wanted to share something more, then he usually wrote it down, but something like this, something that bothered him in a way that he couldn’t just write down, well, Gavin never would have known if Connor hadn’t told him. 

“Screw them,” Gavin said harshly, angry at everyone who had failed to treat Connor like a normal person. “They’re our teachers, they’re supposed to help us. Have you ever told Hank any of this?” 

Connor shook his head and went back to throwing more bread into the water. “I didn’t want to make a fuss. My dad can get pretty fiery with people when they make him mad, and my teachers might’ve just gotten mad at me if that happened.” 

“But, that’s not fair to _you_ , Connor. If that were me, I would have told my dad, and he definitely would have told the teacher off. He’s scary like that.” Gavin kicked his feet into the air as he tried to imagine that scenario. It seemed pretty funny in his head, actually. 

“If that were you, you probably would have just told them off _yourself_ and have to stay in for recess,” Connor said, and when Gavin smirked at him, he found Connor smiling sadly. 

Gavin didn’t really know what came over him. Maybe it was because Connor looked so sad, or maybe it was because Gavin was so relaxed being here at this pond, doing the thing he loved with his best friend, but for whatever reason (not one of them being that he was a punk bitch) he wrapped his arm easily around Connor’s neck, and he might’ve pulled him into his side a little bit. 

Might have. 

“If these teachers here in middle school act like you’re dumb or whatever, you don’t have to tell Hank if you don’t want to. Tell me instead, and I’ll handle it.” 

He felt Connor rumble at his side as he huffed a laugh. “You’ll handle it? What can you do, you’re only eleven.” 

“I’m Batman, Robin, and no one crosses me or my sidekick.” 

Not unless they wanted classic Reed to make an appearance.

And, no one enjoyed that. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know that ending might seem abrupt, but honestly, I wrote the entire story as one continuous piece in my head, and I was going to post it all in one go, but I cut it into three chapters for easier reading.
> 
> This really started out as some cute Gavin/Connor kid moments, but it really morphed into my fucking love letter to Gavin, i swear, i dont know where that came from, but i love it, connor loves it, and i hope you guys do too.
> 
> Thanks for reading! and the next update will be Monday.


	2. When the Going Gets Tough

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gavin goes through many firsts in his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hii! First off, I apologize for the late update, but life happened to me, and I had to be with my family for a little bit, but I'm back now, and hopefully with a fulfilling chapter.
> 
> Also, mind the tags.

Middle school snuck up on Gavin. He knew those two weeks were there and that sixth grade was fast approaching, and yet somehow, he was still surprised when he found himself getting ready for the first day of school again.  

His father drove him to school like he did every day, but this time was different. This time, his dad questioned him about Connor. 

“That friend of yours … Connor?” his dad said, and Gavin gulped and turned toward the window, watching aimlessly as they passed by the many trees and houses. “What happened to his mom?” 

Gavin narrowed his eyes in confusion before turning to face his father. People said all the time how Gavin looked just like his dad with the dark, silky hair and the thin set of their lips. Everyone saw it, but not Gavin. He thought he looked more like his mom with her scrutinizing, grey eyes and her smooth, unblemished skin. Gavin wanted to be more like his mother, but he did act like his father more than he cared to admit—especially when Gavin decided to give someone a hard time. 

“I don’t know.” Gavin shrugged. “She died, I guess.” 

“You guess?” his dad said, raising a skeptical eyebrow, eyes still on the road. “You don’t know?” 

Gavin flushed at the condescending tone. “I mean, Connor doesn’t talk about her. And, his dad said once that she passed away, so I guess—I mean, so she must have died.” 

His dad hummed to himself, and Gavin faced back out the window, crossing his arms over his chest. The day hadn’t even started yet and already his mood was tarnished. 

“But, do you ever— Are there any—” his dad started, then he huffed, whatever front he’d been trying to put up getting lost as his frustration bubbled over. “Do you know if Mr. Anderson has a girlfriend?” 

Gavin could feel his shoulders hunching in on himself, and he felt unreasonably angry at the question. “I don’t know. Who cares?” 

He glared at the side of his dad’s head, wondering why the hell he would ask such a random question, but his father dropped the conversation as they pulled up to the school. 

School wasn’t much better. As it turned out, he and Connor only had two classes together, and since Connor had a last name of A, and Gavin had a last name of R, they were seated on opposite sides of the room. 

But, one of those shared classes was gym, so it wasn’t a total disaster. In gym class, everyone mingled freely in the gymnasium, so he was able to sit with Connor on the bleachers as the teacher explained how the year was going to go. 

Gavin was careful to watch how his teachers reacted to Connor and how they treated him, and he was extremely relieved when Connor walked away from his little one-sided talks with them with a thumbs up at Gavin. 

Much to Gavin’s dismay, Kamski seemed to be in a bunch of Gavin’s classes. They shared the first class of the day together, and the second, and the two before and after lunch, and the last one of the day. For all of Gavin’s inward dislike at the kid, he ended up talking to him and catching up throughout the day, and Gavin pretty much let all that kid drama from the summer die. After all, he’d known Kamski for years, and while they always ended up throwing jabs at each other and going through bouts of radio silence, Gavin couldn’t deny that they were the same. The same little troublemakers that used to wreak havoc together in elementary school. 

And, Gavin didn’t want to admit it, but middle school was a little intimidating. The first few months in, he’d quickly realized that he wasn’t top dog here. Nobody really knew him other than a portion of the incoming sixth graders, and apparently his reputation hadn’t followed him here, so when a few of the eighth grade boys had passed him by one day during lunch period and taunted him in the halls, Gavin didn’t end up throwing fists, he ended up doing a lot of thinking. 

“How’s it going, Reed?” the freakishly tall one with the curly red hair said. Gavin was already able to tell by his tone that the kid didn’t actually care a bit how Gavin was doing. “Saw your little boyfriend just now. He was having some trouble getting his words out, but don’t you worry. I translated for everyone since you weren’t there for him.” 

Gavin’s entire body thrummed with anger and fear as he wondered just what had gone down with Connor. “What are you talking about?” he said, trying and failing not to clench his fists so obviously. 

That ginger fuck just grinned stupidly at Gavin, the smug grin on his face making Gavin want to punch it right off. “I’m talking about how that mute kid has been giving googly eyes at Kaitlyn Marks for weeks, so I did him a favor and just dragged him up to her and told her the deal. How that kid has the hots for her, how he secretly fantasizes about touching her all—” 

Gavin’s throat got unbearably tight, and before he could think about the consequences of his actions, he pushed the taller kid hard into his two friends that were flanked behind him. 

It was a mistake. 

These kids were bigger than him, fucking eighth graders, and ginger fuck bounced back from his friends’ chests quicker than Gavin anticipated. The three of them had Gavin pinned against the glass trophy case in the hallway before he could even blink. 

“Who do you think you are, tough guy?” the red head snarled into his face, the other kid’s minty breath sour in Gavin’s face. 

“Get the fuck off me,” Gavin said, struggling hard against their hold, but his heart had started to drum a fierce beat in his chest as he swallowed down his sudden fear. He’d never been in a fight he couldn’t win before; maybe that was why he was always so cocky. 

A swift kick to the stomach was what he got in response, and he grunted at the hard bruise of a feeling that coiled there. Then, they let him go, and he fell straight to the floor on his hands and knees, struggling to breathe through coughing breaths. 

“Need to learn your place, kid,” that ginger fuck said, and Gavin silently seethed at them as he tried to say something, anything, but he just couldn’t breathe through the pain. “Just accept your place at the bottom of the food chain and wait your turn. You’ve only gotta wait two more years, and then you’ll be the one throwing down kids for kicks.” 

They left after that, snickering all the way down the hall, and once Gavin could breathe normally again, he pushed himself to his feet and glanced at his watch. It was 12:32 P.M., and Connor was still at lunch, so Gavin ran all the way down to the cafeteria with the intent of helping Connor, but once he reached the glass windows that showed inside the cafeteria, his feet stopped. 

He didn’t know why, but instead of running into the cafeteria and finding Connor like he’d desperately wanted to, he’d only leaned his hands against the window pane and silently sought him out. 

He hadn’t been hard to spot. He was the only kid eating at one of the many fully crowded tables alone, a wide berth of emptiness surrounding him as he sat at the far end of one of the rectangular tables. Gavin was close enough to see how Connor nibbled on his chicken sandwich, his face a complete mask to anyone else. But, Gavin caught the way his bottom lip wobbled very minutely, and the way he focused way too entirely on the sandwich in his hand, and the way the skin around his eyes was just a bit redder than the rest of his pale skin. 

It hurt Gavin right in the chest to see such a sad sight, and he wanted more than anything to go to him and tell him whatever he needed to hear to turn that frown upside down. 

But, he couldn’t move. 

After a minute of his silent pining, Connor cocked his head at his sandwich and gazed right over to where Gavin stood pressed against the glass. 

He couldn’t stand the guilt that consumed him at Connor’s searching gaze. 

Gavin ran. 

He ran, and he was a fucking coward. 

Gym class was Gavin’s last class of the day, and also the next time he saw Connor. For the first time ever, he hesitated when he walked into the gymnasium and saw the other boy sitting on the bleachers waiting for him. He wondered briefly how he should play this, and once he decided, he shook his head, ashamed at himself, and then joined Connor on the bleachers. 

“I’m so fucking glad this day is finally over with,” Gavin said, hoping his forced nonchalance wasn’t too noticeable. Maybe if he didn’t bring up the incident, then Connor wouldn’t either, and they could both just pretend like this day never happened to start with. 

Connor didn’t immediately look at him, and Gavin started internally panicking. He knew. He so fucking knew that Gavin knew, and oh fuck, what was he going to do? 

But, then Connor finally did glance at Gavin, and after he endured Connor’s intense scrutinization for a minute, the other boy finally gave a timid smile and nodded his head in agreement with Gavin’s earlier statement. 

Thank fucking god. 

~ ~ ~ 

The next couple of months were some of the hardest. After that awful day, whenever he walked alongside Connor in the halls, he felt like he had the biggest target on his back. It wasn’t something Gavin was used to, or _liked_ for that matter, and being around Connor started to make him feel vulnerable. 

So, he slowly started distancing himself. He walked faster in the mornings to avoid Connor’s usually late arrival to school, and during class, he didn’t look Connor’s way. It wasn’t like Connor would call his name out loud, so if he just didn’t make eye contact with him, then the other boy couldn’t reach him. 

The times when Gavin would go over to Connor’s house after school, Connor would sometimes complain about the fact that they hardly saw each other in school anymore. Gavin always played the avoidance off as the pressures of middle school keeping his mind occupied. 

When they were alone and doing their homework together, Connor let glimpses of his day be revealed, and Gavin just felt worse and worse the more Connor spoke. 

Apparently, those kids hadn’t stopped their torment of Connor, and light shoves and annoying teasing happened on a regular basis when Gavin wasn’t around. It was crazy to Gavin because Connor seemed fine in school, he didn’t act like someone who got bullied on the daily, and Gavin never would have known had Connor not told him. 

He knew he’d told Connor before that if anyone picked on him that he’d set them straight, but he just wasn’t in a position to live up to his word. Those douchebags in the hall that day had been right: he _was_ at the bottom of the food chain, and Gavin was afraid of what would happen if he tried to go up against the lions of the school by himself. 

And, Connor noticed the change in him. Gavin was stupid to think that Connor would be oblivious to Gavin’s inner turmoil, but Connor knew; Gavin could tell by the way Connor sometimes sat and studied Gavin when he thought he wasn’t paying attention, in the way it always looked like Connor wanted to say something to him but _didn’t_. Connor probably knew it that very first day on the bleachers when Gavin thought he’d gotten away with hiding it. 

These terrible months of Gavin feeling like shit, and Connor being teased, all that tension and simmering feelings came to a head on a bright Spring day. 

It was the day of the Spring instrumental concert, and Gavin was slumped with his back against the table as he sat in the cafeteria alongside the rest of the sixth-grade class as they waited for the band kids to ready up on stage. Every year, the students in band would throw a Spring concert to showcase the music they’d spent all year learning how to play. This was so boring in Gavin’s mind because who the hell enjoyed classical music? 

Well, Connor, that’s who. 

He played the clarinet, and Gavin could admit that the kid was pretty damn good, but it didn’t make Gavin love classical music all of a sudden. It still irritated him that he was dragged to all the concerts Connor was in because of his mom’s need to support Gavin’s friends, even when Gavin hadn’t asked. 

On the day of the concert, the school always held a pre-show for the students during the day, which Gavin thought they did as a way to force _somebody_ to listen to this music from the 1500s. 

Gavin was sitting beside Kamski, who was obnoxiously chewing his gum as loud as he could, when he felt a tap on his shoulder. 

He whisked his head around and found Connor leaning across the table, his clarinet in one hand. Gavin waited for him to speak, so used to hearing him talk now, before he remembered where they were. Then, he noticed the folded paper beneath Connor’s splayed fingers on the table. 

Connor urged Gavin to take it, and once Gavin scooped it up, Connor shot him a quick smile and ran off for the stage. 

Gavin held the note clutched in his hand and waited for the concert to begin before he opened it. He didn’t want anyone noticing the note and being nosy about it. 

He unraveled the paper without even looking, keeping his eyes on the band class play their orchestrated music on stage. Then, he glanced down at the open paper. 

 _Batman & Robin_ 

Gavin gazed at the note in confusion. There was nothing else on the front, and as he gazed on stage and sought out Connor to throw him an inquisitive glance, the note was suddenly ripped from his hands.  

“Ooh, is this a love note?” Kamski said, and Gavin attempted to snatch it back, but Kamski held it high above their heads. The fucker was tall. 

“No, you idiot. I just found it,” he said because it was none of his goddamn business where Gavin got this note. 

Kamski studied the paper amusedly, and then held it out before him to read it more clearly. Gavin took this opportunity to grab onto the note and yank on it, and the accompanying _fffwwwppp_ that sounded had Gavin’s jaw falling open in surprise. 

The paper Connor had given him merely five minutes ago was now ripped, two halves fisted in both Gavin and Kamski’s guilty hands. 

A quick, startled laugh escaped Kamski as he tried to cover himself. “That wasn’t my fault,” he said, and Gavin scoffed as he grabbed the broken half of the paper in Kamski’s hand up. 

It was pretty sad to say that once the paper was broken could Gavin finally see its importance. On the back of one of the halves of the note, a side Gavin had failed to look at before, he finally caught sight of an expertly drawn Robin with a tiny clarinet in his hand. 

Fuck. 

Gavin was too busy trying to place the two halves back together (which his stomach burned with guilt when he realized the other half had an equally amazingly drawn Batman sitting in a chair below Robin) to notice that the noise from the stage had stopped. He gazed around him and saw everyone staring on stage, giggles and sharp intakes of breath breathing through the crowd. 

That’s when Gavin finally made eye contact with Connor. His best friend held his clarinet loosely down in his lap, forgotten about as everyone else on stage slowly stopped playing their instruments and gazed around in confusion. But, not Connor. He wasn’t confused. 

He looked absolutely heartbroken. 

His eyes were impossibly wide, wide enough for Gavin to see the shine there even from this distance, just waiting to spill over once Connor blinked. His bottom lip was jutting out, and Gavin’s heart was just ripping itself over and over at the sight. Connor saw what he and Kamski did. He _fucking_ saw. 

Gavin shot up. He didn’t know what he was going to do, but he couldn’t just sit there while Connor was about to make the biggest fool of himself up on stage. But, Connor was quicker. He’d jumped up from his chair at the same time as Gavin had and proceeded to run off backstage. 

Gavin groaned and covered his eyes with one hand, the broken drawing tightly fisted in his other. 

“Sorry about that,” Kamski said behind him, and Gavin scoffed because Kamski had the _audacity_ to apologize, like a simple, distant _sorry_ was going to fix the weird tension Connor and Gavin had already been having. Gavin whirled on him. 

“You’re such an asshole, you dipshit,” he said, and it really should have bothered him just how expansive his vocabulary was becoming on the negative spectrum, but Gavin couldn’t bring himself to care. 

Gavin didn’t see Connor for the rest of the day, but his real troubles didn’t start until he got home. His mother was waiting for him at the kitchen table when he got in after school, her face somber, her nails tapping against the glossy wood of the table eerily. 

Of course, she would already know. Hank practically told her _everything._  

“Before you say anything—” Gavin started in an attempt to calm her, but she slashed her hand through the air, and Gavin shut his mouth. 

“Sit down,” she said, and her voice was so soft, and really, he would have preferred her yelling at him to this; to this calm that he was unable to read. 

She waited until he dropped his backpack to the floor and sat down across from her before she continued.  

“You’ve been differently lately,” she started, and Gavin shook his leg anxiously. “I’ve noticed that frown you used to wear when you were younger has come back.” 

“I’m fine,” Gavin said as a reflex. 

“I thought Connor was able to make that frown go away, so imagine my confusion when it started coming back.” 

Gavin listened quietly, silently seething the entire time. He never liked being lectured, and, apparently, he wasn’t as sneaky as he thought he’d been. He really didn’t want to explain to his mom about that fight he’d gotten into with ginger fuck, and how it practically scared him into driving Connor away, but he didn’t think he’d be able to hide it anymore. 

“What happened today?” she said. 

Gavin huffed, all of his mental straining spilling over as he tried to defend himself. “It wasn’t my fault, that stupid Kamski snatched the note right from my hands and ripped it before I could even stop him. I didn’t even see the picture on the back until it was too late, you gotta believe me.” 

His mother was steadily staring at Gavin with her intense gray eyes, but he didn’t look away no matter how guilty he felt. He was telling her the truth. 

“Did you know that a few of the older kids from school embarrassed Connor one day in front of one of the other girls?” 

Gavin opened his mouth to say _no_ , but he ended up choking on air, unable to lie to his mother. 

“Because Connor thinks you do know,” she continued, “and, he thinks that he’s to blame for the distance you’ve been creating between the two of you; something I had no idea about.” 

Gavin was just downright confused now because did Connor really talk to his dad about all of this? Connor always said he didn’t like telling his dad things because the retaliation against those who’d wronged him was more embarrassment than he could handle, and Hank never acted like he was upset with Gavin, so how could his mother know all this? 

“How do you—?” he started quietly. 

“Connor told me.” 

And, that stopped Gavin up short. His hands were flat on the table, and his eyes shot to hers. “He told you? You mean he…” 

His mom was smiling at him, a real happy smile, but it was tinged with sadness, and _fuck_ _,_ Gavin was to blame for that bit. 

“He spoke to me,” she said, and she laughed once, a heavy sound that shot right through his heart. “I know now how you must have felt when he first spoke to you. It’s the most amazing feeling to have physical confirmation that you mean something to someone, that your presence is a comfort to someone, and that’s not something that’s easily attained.” 

“I know, Mom. It took Connor over a year of being friends before he talked to me.” 

“And, he’s getting better. It just about took a little less than a year with me.” 

Gavin gulped, trying to beat back the sting behind his eyes. He didn’t know why the fact that Connor had talked to his mom made him want to cry like a punk bitch. 

“Wait, Connor told you all of this today? He was here?” Gavin said. 

“He _is_ here. Hank dropped him off earlier and said Connor wanted to talk to me. He’s in your room where I told him to wait for you.” 

“He’s _here_?” he said, his voice trailing up a few octaves as he shot up from his seat and glanced through the hallway at his closed bedroom door. 

“Sit down, were not finished.” 

“But—” 

She shot him a look, and while he pouted, he sat down on the edge of his seat to hear her parting words, ready to bounce as soon as he could. 

“Connor is very upset right now, and I urge you to be patient with him. Let him talk, let him explain to you how he’s feeling, and don’t get so defensive like you always do. Just listen to what he has to say, and go make up like the best friends you are.” 

Gavin hesitated as she finished, and he suddenly didn’t know what he was going to say when he saw Connor. 

“Go on,” she said and reached across the table to wrap his tense fist in her hand. “I know you’ll make things right.” 

She had confidence in him; confidence that he would do the right thing. His mother had always managed to see something in Gavin that he hadn’t yet been able to see in himself. 

He left the table and stood in front of his closed bedroom door for a moment, trying to let his mother’s optimism flow through him. 

He could do this. He could make things right. 

Right? 

He creaked opened the door and found Connor lying down on his bed, his back facing Gavin. He was curled up tightly in on himself, and when Gavin shut the door, he heard Connor sniffle. 

Gavin didn’t have any chairs in his room, unlike Connor who had a whole desk and chair set to study at, and so he hesitantly went to sit by Connor’s feet on the bed. 

He still didn’t really know where to start, so he slipped the broken paper out of his jean pocket and held it together in his lap, studying the way Batman had his hands up in a congratulatory manner for Robin, who held a tiny clarinet in one hand and a beaming smile on his face. 

It was actually surprisingly good. Connor only ever drew stick figures, and this was way more than that. It was detailed with straight lines and curving ones, the expressions on their faces so obvious to him that it made him wonder. 

“You didn’t draw this,” Gavin said, and it wasn’t a question. 

Connor sniffled once more, but he actually answered Gavin. It was mumbled, hidden into the pillow as Connor continued to lie there. 

“What?” Gavin said. 

He heard a huff, and then Connor slowly eased himself up, twisting his upper body around to face Gavin head on. 

“My friend made it for me to give to you.” 

“Why?” 

“Because I asked him to,” Connor said simply, and he finally sat up straight now, wrapping his hands around his ankles which were criss cross on the bed. “He’s a pretty cool artist, and when we were in art class last week, I wrote a note asking him if he could make this for me because I thought it’d be a cool gift for you. I don’t know, something you could hang up on the wall beside that picture of us.” 

Gavin glanced at his wall, at the picture hanging above his dresser drawers Connor was talking about. It was from that day at the pond. Gavin’s mom had wanted to take a picture of their last hangout before school had started, and so she’d asked some random family if they wouldn’t mind taking their picture. 

Hank had his arm around Gavin’s mom who was smiling brightly, her hand sliding down and resting on Gavin’s chest in front of her. Connor was beside Gavin, and he had the biggest smile on his face, enough to see the gap in his teeth from the tooth he’d lost the week before. It was Gavin’s favorite picture because it had all his favorite people in it. Well, it had Connor and his mom, and that about ended his list of favorite people. And, he was at his pond, at his secret place that belonged to Gavin and no one else. 

Gavin flinched when he felt the paper slipping from his grasp, and he watched guiltily as Connor placed the drawing back together in his own hands. 

“Why did you let Kamski rip it? Markus worked really hard on this, and I thought you’d like it.” 

“I do like it,” Gavin hurried to say. “It’s pretty rad, actually.” Connor hummed noncommittally in response, and Gavin sighed softly to himself. “Listen, I didn’t see the picture at first, and when Kamski took it, I didn’t think too much. I tried to get it back, but he wouldn’t give it, and—” 

“And, what? You were too scared to stand up to your friend?” Connor said, and Gavin blinked at the harsh tone Connor used. 

“No, I—” 

“No, you were just scared. Just like how you tried to pretend that you didn’t know what happened to me at lunch with Kaitlyn Marks.” 

“That— That’s—” Gavin sputtered, unable to formulate a response. He had never been on this side of Connor’s anger before, and it was unnerving because he never thought he would be. 

“Do you think I’m stupid, Gavin? I see things most people don’t, and I know that you know what happened to me, and you didn’t say a word.” 

“What was I supposed to say?” Gavin said, flustered and unable to be scolded at like that. “What could I have done? It was too late, I came to you too late, and … and…” 

 _And,_ what _?_ _I was scared? I was embarrassed for you? I was embarrassed_ because _of you?_  

Connor probably already knew all of this. 

Gavin gulped and tried to calm himself, tried to remember what it was his mother had said before he stepped foot in this room. 

 _Let him talk._  

Gavin shut his mouth, and he waited. 

He didn’t like it, his teeth were on edge the entire time, but he waited for Connor to speak. 

“You probably heard about it, but you didn’t see it,” Connor said, his voice getting thick with emotion. Gavin thought he saw a shine in the other boy’s eyes, and he couldn’t tell if it was from the simmering anger or from the hurt he was feeling. “You didn’t see the way that one kid slung his arm around my shoulder as soon as I walked into the cafeteria. You didn’t see how he guided me over to Kaitlyn all the while talking to me like I was his friend, like he was being nice. You didn’t see the look on Kaitlyn’s face when he started saying those awful things, those things that _weren’t true_ , but how could anybody know when I couldn’t say a word to defend myself? The strain was there in my throat, and I wanted so badly to just take off running, but then everyone just cleared away from me, and all I could do was sit down by myself and act like I didn’t care.” 

Connor was crying now. His voice was cracking and quiet tears were trickling down his cheeks, and Gavin felt miserable because he hadn’t kept his promise to his best friend. He was the worst friend in the world. 

“And, then I saw you standing at the window, and I thought you’d come over and ask me what was wrong, but you just left. You left me there, and I started to think later when I saw you at gym that maybe you were embarrassed of me. I didn’t want you to feel like that, so I didn’t bring it up.” 

Gavin’s fists were clenched so tight he could feel the imprints his nails were leaving in his palms. Letting Connor talk uninterrupted was so fucking hard because Gavin wanted so badly to deflect Connor’s bad thoughts, to defend himself, but his mother’s words still hung over his head, and so he waited. 

Connor rubbed the heels of his palms tightly against his eyes as he tried to rub away the tears, and when he pulled his hands away, Connor’s eyes were wide and wet, his long eyelashes so dark against his pale skin. The sight did something weird to Gavin. It made his stomach flip airily, and the only word that came to mind was … pretty. 

“I think that’s why you haven’t really talked to me in school for months,” Connor continued. “Because of what happened. But, I’ve just … I really missed you, and I thought if I gave you this drawing that it would remind you about our friendship. And, then I saw Kamski tear it up, and I thought you didn’t want to be friends anymore.” 

Gavin let his eyes fall down to the bed, and he thought this was why his mother told him to wait, to let Connor talk. So, that he could be punished by Connor; because this was torture—pure, unrelenting torture to hear Connor sound so sad and to hear from his point of view what happened that day at lunch with ginger fuck. 

His mother was a sly woman. 

But, he supposed he deserved this. Gavin knew he was wrong. He wouldn’t admit it, but he knew he was wrong for letting Connor’s pain and suffering go by without a word of acknowledgment. To let Connor’s bullies get off just because Gavin was _scared_ for once in his life. 

Connor was scared, too; Connor went to school every day knowing what it was going to be like, and yet he still found the will to be himself, to not let his bullies affect him in any real way that they could see. 

Gavin always pumped himself up to be the hero, to be _Batman_ , to be the protector of his friends, but in reality, Connor was stronger than Gavin would ever be. 

“I remember that day you’re talking about. What those idiots did to you. I know what happened because…” Gavin started and swallowed the lump in his throat down. Was he really about to let someone _voluntarily_ know that he got his ass handed to him? That he was the prey for once? 

He made the mistake of catching Connor’s eye then, and even after everything Gavin had put him through, how awful of a friend he’d been, Connor was urging him on with his eyes, a slight furrow of concern touching his eyebrows. 

Gavin guessed he really _was_ doing this. 

“I know because … they found me in the hall. That stupid one with the red hair started taunting me and telling me how he saw my— how he saw you, and how he lied to Kaitlyn and embarrassed you. He told me that himself, and I thought I was so tough; I pushed him right into his friends. Which, I was dumb here, because there were three of them, and they got the best of me, and that red-headed fuck kicked me in the stomach.” 

Connor sniffled and ran a finger under his nose, having calmed down from his quiet crying. “You _pushed_ Adam Skitzler? And, he kicked you?” he said, voice in awe. 

“I don’t know, is that the red head’s name? I never actually knew. I always just called him _ginger fuck_ in my head.” 

Connor giggled once at that, the sound going straight through Gavin and easing some of his tension. “Yeah, that’s him. I can’t believe you pushed him, though. I heard that kid knocked someone unconscious two years ago right in the middle of the cafeteria. They had to call the ambulance and call security and everything, so I think you got off lucky with a kick. Why would you go after someone like that?” 

And, _oh_ , wasn’t that the question? The question with an obvious answer. 

At least, Gavin had thought so. 

Connor had looked mildly horrified when Gavin told him he pushed that red-headed kid, and he couldn’t believe that his best friend, his _Robin_ , still hadn’t figured it out by now. 

“Because, I’m Batman. And, no one crosses me or my sidekick.” 

Connor grinned brightly at him, a smile that he’d almost forgotten the look of lighting him up. 

 _Never again_ , he promised himself. Never again would he leave Connor behind just to save some face. 

“I might’ve forgotten that during the year, but I’ll make it up to you. I promise. This year sucked so bad, and Kamski is actually the dumbest person because I haven’t even told you about the time we had a math quiz, and he was sitting behind Blake, and you know how dumb that kid is, and Kamski cheated off of him! And, they both got F’s! It was hilarious. And, you know what else?” 

Gavin went on to tell Connor another story about one of his friends that he could care less about, and they talked for so long that Gavin’s mother came rushing in a few hours later because, “Connor, your concert! I forgot we’re supposed to meet your dad at the school!” 

Connor ran after her, but before Gavin left the room, he picked up the Batman and Robin drawing and folded the two halves together and slid them into his top drawer with all the rest of the Connor notes, right beside his Beyblades. 

Connor shined at his instrumental concert that night, playing through all his songs without a repeat of the disaster pre-show earlier in the school day. 

Gavin couldn’t seem to take his eyes off of Connor in his uniform as he played. He was wearing a standard white button up and some black khaki pants, a blue cummerbund around his waist and a matching bow tie at his neck, and Gavin’s mom had enough time to gel Connor’s hair into a neat side sweep so it was up and out of his eyes as he focused on reading the sheet of music. 

Gavin had never really seen his friend looking so neat and tidy, and the way his hair was patted down with just a tiny curl falling out of place was … he didn’t know. He didn’t really know the word or the feeling he got when he gazed at Connor throughout the night. All he knew was that he felt flushed and sweaty and couldn’t stop staring at the slant in Connor’s eyebrows as he blew into his clarinet, extremely focused. 

It was pretty hot in the school, that was probably why Gavin felt warm and his palms were sweating. 

~ ~ ~ 

The next week at school was the biggest relief. He waited in the mornings for Connor to show up, and they walked into school together, just like old times. It was nearing the end of the school year, and everyone was pretty swamped with their own troubles of making up class work they’d missed and getting everyone to sign their yearbooks and trying to change their D grades into C’s. So, Gavin knew no one even cared who he hung out with. 

There was just one thing Gavin wanted to do before the year ended. 

He enlisted the help of Connor, Kamski, and Connor’s friend, Markus, for this particular ruse, and it was fairly easy to get all three boys on board. Even Kamski complied with barely more than a request. 

“I need your help with something. And, you fucking owe me after last time, so you can’t say no,” Gavin had said as he sat down in English class one morning. Kamski was already seated beside him, and when Gavin asked him, Kamski merely raised an eyebrow. 

“Does it involve mild bodily harm, tears, and/or the embarrassment of some of our peers?” he’d said seriously. 

Gavin had blinked. “About a third of that.” 

“Then, count me in,” Kamski had said as he smacked an excited hand down on his desk. 

Connor had asked Markus for his help, or more like brought Gavin along to speak for him, and when Gavin had initially told Markus what he needed to do, the diplomatic boy had been hesitant. 

“This isn’t right. It feels mean, and I’m not sure I wanna be a part of that,” Markus had initially said, but once Gavin explained to him the plan, and who they were targeting, Markus had gotten over his bout of righteousness and pledged his allegiance to their cause. 

“I’ll see what I can do,” Markus had said, more than a little cheerful, and Gavin had briefly wondered what Markus’ beef was with the red head they were going to humiliate to get him on board so easily. Whatever it was, he was glad for it in that moment. 

Everything came together a week before school ended. The four boys met up in the empty eighth grade hallway while class was still in session, and they went looking for the locker number Kamski had weaseled his way into finding out. That had been his job, to find out which locker belonged to Adam Skitzler A.K.A ginger fuck. 

“Locker number 69,” Gavin said, snickering to himself as he stopped their little group in front of Adam’s locker. He didn’t actually know why that number was funny, but it just seemed to be a universal joke that everyone laughed at. 

Kamski cackled loudly, and Markus shushed him. “Jeez, I wonder who he had to blow to get that locker,” Kamski said. 

Connor raised an eyebrow at that and gazed between Kamski and Gavin in confusion, looking to Gavin for an explanation he couldn’t give. 

“What does that mean? Blow what?” Markus said, voicing the question Connor couldn’t. 

Kamski only laughed and patted both Connor and Markus’ heads as if they were small children. “Ah, such innocence.” 

“Shut up,” Gavin said and turned to Markus. “Picture,” he said, holding his hand out. Markus reached into his notebook that he’d brought and slipped out the drawing he’d made and passed it to Gavin. Gavin took a minute to gaze at the very detailed and very _naked_ woman whose boobs were filling about half the page. He didn’t know if it was accurate, but it looked like what Gavin had sometimes imagined a naked woman to look like, so he was very pleased with Markus’ work. 

“Well done, soldier,” Gavin said, patting a hand on Markus’ shoulder. The other boy gave a smug, lazy smile in response. 

“Give me that,” Kamski said, snatching the paper before Gavin could pass it over himself. 

“What are you doing? It’s perfect already,” Gavin said, watching as Kamski pulled out a pencil from his pocket and began scribbling something at the bottom. 

Kamski raised the paper proudly and turned it around so the other three boys could see. Gavin smirked at what Kamski had written as he pulled it back into his own hands. 

 _Mrs. Webster._  

The name of one of the eighth grade English teachers. Gavin had to admit it was a better idea than just sticking the unnamed woman onto Adam’s locker to get him in trouble, and another idea sparked as Gavin thought. 

“We should sign Adam’s name to this and slide it under Mrs. Webster’s door.” 

Markus and Connor shared looks of uncertainty, but before either of them could protest, Kamski snatched the paper yet again out of Gavin’s hands and scribbled Adam’s name in what Gavin hoped was a good imitation of the kid’s handwriting, and then he took off past the rest of them and turned down a corner. 

“Kamski!” Gavin whisper-yelled, already taking off after the bigger kid. When Gavin, Connor, and Markus finally turned the corner at the end of the hall, Kamski was already running back their way empty-handed, grabbing Gavin along the collar of his shirt as he passed them. 

“Run!” 

The four of them ran back down the stairs and didn’t stop until they’d reached the quiet sixth grade hall once more. 

Gavin and Kamski stopped at the lockers and leaned against them as they started to laugh at what they’d done.  Markus and Connor were less enthusiastic. 

“That wasn’t the plan,” Markus said, arms folded across his chest, eyes shooting daggers at Kamski. “What if we get in trouble? I mean, it’s the teacher!” 

Kamski grinned smugly. “You’re right. This was so much better than that childish plan of Gavin’s.” 

“That’s not what I—” 

“Hey, getting Adam back at all was my idea in the first place. Show some credit where it’s due,” Gavin said. 

Markus threw his hands up and started backing away. "Whatever, I’m out of here. I didn’t agree to all this.” 

Connor started to follow him, gazing back uncertainly at Gavin, and Gavin huffed as he watched the two boys walk further and further away. “Aww, come on. If anyone gets in trouble, we’ll just blame it on Kamski!” 

“What?” Kamski said indignantly. “Screw you, Gavin, this was _your_ idea, didn’t you just say?” 

Gavin turned back to him with an amused smile on his face. “We all saw you push that note under Mrs. Webster’s door all by yourself, don’t even deny it.” 

“You little shit, come here,” he said, and Gavin took off running after Connor and Markus as Kamski tried to catch him. 

At the end of the day, the whispers from the eighth grade hallway had reached through the seventh grade, and the sixth grade, until it finally landed on Gavin’s ears. 

He was at his locker, shoving the crapload of papers he still had to clear out of his locker into his backpack when his locker neighbor started talking to her friend. 

“It was so embarrassing, I heard,” the girl said, and really after being locker neighbors for a whole school year, he really should have known her name by now. “Adam had to be escorted out by the security because he was throwing a huge fit and screaming that it wasn’t him and that whoever did it would pay.” 

“But, what did he do in the first place?” the other girl said. 

His locker neighbor giggled and pulled the other girl closer to speak into her ear, but it was still loud enough for Gavin to eavesdrop on if he leaned his head ever closer. “He drew a picture of Mrs. Webster … naked.” 

The other girl gasped like it was the most offensive thing she’d ever heard, and Gavin had to bite his lip to keep from laughing. 

“And, then he slipped it under her door for her. It’s actually pretty stupid, if you ask me, but Adam isn’t known for his smarts. He got in serious trouble for that, and now he’s not allowed to go on the eighth grade trip to Hershey Park.” 

Gavin slammed his locker shut, the two girls beside him jumping and whirling to face him at the harsh sound. 

“Man, that guy sounds like an idiot,” Gavin said as he slung his backpack over one shoulder and walked away, the sound of their undignified gasps trailing behind him. 

Mission completed. 

~ ~ ~ 

Summer got off to a great start with his Robin by his side once more. Now that he had his best friend back and things were back to the way they used to be, Gavin started to wonder why he had been so scared to be around Connor during school in the first place. 

So what if people had widened their bullying scopes to include Gavin? It must have not have been that bad if Connor had endured through the school year and still came out of it like a badass. If Connor could do it, Gavin could do it, too—just with a little more attitude. 

He came to this realization about halfway through the summer when he and Connor were playing at the park near Gavin’s house. Connor hadn’t met any of Gavin’s neighborhood friends, and before Gavin had brought him over, he’d made sure to tell everyone how it was going to be. 

“Listen up, dipshits,” Gavin had said, as he opened his eyes at the top of the castle, effectively ruining their game of Blind Man’s Bluff. 

All the kids who were hiding had groaned and jumped from their hiding spots. “Damn it, Gavin, it’s no fun when you cheat. Now we have to start over.” 

“I’m bringing my friend over tomorrow, and he’s a little weird, but you’re not allowed to make fun of him, or else I’ll beat you.” 

“What’s so special about this kid? Is he your _boyfriend_?” someone had said. 

Gavin had punched him in the arm, and the kid _ow_ _ww_ ed. 

“He’s my best friend, and he doesn’t talk, so don’t try to force him to. But, he’s totally funny and cool, so you’ll like him, probably.” 

Kamski had been swinging himself on the swing set across from the wooden castle, a smirk on his face. It rubbed Gavin the wrong way, but he thought Kamski could be the ally he needed in this situation. 

“Don’t sweat it, kid,” Kamski had said as he dropped stealthily to his feet. “No one’s gonna mess with your precious Connor.” 

Gavin had growled lowly at that, an actual growl that refused to be heard, because Kamski was a jackass, but he was possibly the only person who would back Gavin up if he had to fight someone for Connor. 

So, Gavin had warned his friends yesterday, and today Gavin was trying to carve his and Connor’s initials into the wood on the inside of the castle. Everyone else was playing Marco Polo, and Gavin didn’t feel like playing another hide and seek game, so he just decided to mess around with the castle while he waited for the game to finish. 

The wood of the castle was already covered in colorful words and drawings kids from past years had graffitied all over the castle, everything from _Jen_ _wuz_ _here xD_ to crude drawings of a penis. There was a clear space of untouched wood at the top of the castle near the top of the sliding board, and Gavin was in the process of shaping the R of his last name when he heard the commotion. 

“That’s not fair, everyone else has already been it except for you!” someone said, voice hostile, and Gavin peered over the top of the castle to see Connor standing near the seesaw with his arms wrapped around himself, his eyebrows slanted, and his bottom lip between his teeth as one of the other boys pushed up against Kamski, who was acting as a barrier between the hostile kid and Connor. 

“Lay off, Cory, you know the kid can’t call out _Marco_ , so it wouldn’t be any fun,” Gavin heard Kamski say, and within seconds Gavin had jumped down from the top of the castle and ran over to the scene. 

“But, I hate being it! He hasn’t even been calling out _Polo_ , so why is he still even playing? He’s probably just lying, anyway, so he won’t have to be it. I’ve never seen anyone who couldn’t talk—” 

“Well, now you have,” Gavin said, lightly pushing Kamski to the side as he faced this jerk on his own. “Find someone else to be it, jeez, it’s just a stupid game.” 

When Gavin felt the end of his shirt being tugged on, he glanced back at Connor, who was shaking his head at Gavin miserably. 

 _Just let it go._  

“No. No, this jerk can’t talk to you like that, Con.” 

How could Connor honestly believe that Gavin was going to sit by once again and let him get trampled on? He’d show Connor. He’d show him that he hadn’t been lying when he said he’d make it up to him. 

Gavin turned back to the annoying kid, Cory. “Why don’t you go play with someone else, because no one wants you here.” 

Gavin was speaking for himself, clearly, but if anyone disagreed, they didn’t say a thing. 

Gavin had just turned back to join in the game because _apparently_ he couldn’t leave for two fucking seconds without some asshole taking advantage, but then he saw Connor’s eyes widen in alarm, and before he knew it, he was hitting the ground on his hands and knees. 

“Shut up, Gavin,” Cory said, sounding so tough at Gavin’s back. “Why don’t _you_ go, and take your little friend with you.” 

Gavin was seething, and all he could see was red, and he couldn’t _believe_ this kid had the nerve to push him. It was pretty inevitable when Gavin shot up and rammed his body into the other kid, the two boys tumbling around in the dirt as they fought to swing punches into each other’s sides. Gavin was all over the kid as he twisted sideways on top of the kid, keeping him pinned to the ground as he tried to deflect kicks to the face, the kid’s cries barely registering in his mind as they tousled around for the upper hand—which Gavin was clearly gaining. 

This didn’t last very long because he was suddenly being pulled up by many arms, and when he went tumbling backward into whoever was behind him, his mind finally cleared. 

Kamski pushed Gavin off of him, because it was he who Gavin had fallen into, and Gavin glanced around for Connor. Connor was already on his knees beside Gavin, inspecting all over his face with wide eyes and wincing at what he found there. 

Gavin didn’t think he’d taken any hits, but he guessed he was wrong. But, whatever happened to him didn’t matter because the other kid he was tussling with was crying as he got to his feet and started walking backwards, his teary eyes on Gavin. 

“I’m telling,” Cory said, and while it should have been funny—because only _babies_ tattled—Gavin wasn’t laughing. 

He knew his mother would get a phone call later, and he _knew_ that his father would ground him. 

But, Connor was flicking the dirt and sticks off of Gavin’s back and knees, and when Connor wiped his hand across Gavin’s face to smudge off the dirt there—and _ow_ , now he could feel the cuts on his cheek—Gavin couldn’t find it in himself to really care what his parents did. 

Because it had been worth it. Connor was worth it. And, he’d been stupid before to not stand up to those bullies because the way Connor was treating Gavin right now, so affectionately and with so much _caring_ … well, there was no better feeling to Gavin. 

Gavin actually felt worthy of the title of Batman for once. 

When he got home that night, his dad told him that he was grounded for three weeks. No TV, no playing outside at the park, no swimming pool, no Kamski, but worst of all—no Connor. 

His dad was really a dick sometimes. 

His mother had agreed with Gavin’s punishment, but when his dad left for work, and it was just Gavin and his mom hanging at home, she secretly told him how she was proud of him for standing up for Connor. 

This was why, just three months shy of his 13th birthday, his mother had gotten him his very first cell phone. 

It was the coolest thing he’d ever gotten, cooler than his Beyblades, better than his DS, and when he went over to Connor’s house after his punishment was lifted to show him his cell phone, he was even more excited to find out that Connor’s dad had gotten him the exact same one! 

Connor and Gavin spent the rest of the summer on their phones, texting each other and playing online games with each other, and Gavin was super bummed to find out that school was already coming back in session in the next few days. 

The day before school started back, Gavin was at the park again with Connor. They didn’t come to play, there weren’t even any kids there that day as the sun dipped low behind the trees. They were all inside their houses no doubt, getting ready for the first day of school in the morning. The first day of seventh grade. 

Honestly, Gavin was looking forward to the new school year. That ginger fuck Adam Skitzler was long gone, hopefully about to endure a painful first year of high school, and Gavin wasn’t at the bottom of the food chain anymore. He wasn’t at the top, per se, but he knew the incoming eighth grade class and they knew him, so he thought he could handle whatever middle school wanted to throw at him this year. With Connor by his side and their friendship stronger than ever, Gavin thought he could endure a lot. 

“What are you thinking about?” Connor asked from beside him, and Gavin glanced up from his phone to take the other boy in. 

They were sitting side by side on the edge of the castle, their legs dangling over the ledge. Connor wasn’t on his phone anymore, but he was leaning against the wooden post at his chest, his cheek smashed against his arms folded beneath him. 

Gavin took a minute to study the soft curves of Connor’s face, his baby fat still puffing his cheeks up; unlike Gavin, who had begun growing out of his child like self. 

This summer had been a turning point for Gavin and Connor alike. He knew it would come since that awful fifth grade sex ed lesson, and while it had never really bothered him before—the idea of his body changing and growing and his voice getting deeper—it hadn’t really touched his mind that it would be his reality until this summer.  

He’d noticed the first change right after sixth grade ended. He was at the pool with his mom, and when he found Kamski already in the water, the other kid raucously pointed out that Gavin had hair under his arms. He’d never noticed before, but it was definitely there. Later, at home, he’d inspected the rest of his body and had merely raised his eyebrows at all the little fine hairs that covered his arms and legs and armpits and even down _there_ _,_ and _how could he have missed this?_  

That had only been the start of it, and by the end of the summer, his voice had cracked and cracked until it finally morphed into a deeper version of itself. Connor had sometimes laughed at the crack in his voice, but Connor was still a baby because he didn’t even have _any_ hair under his armpits, so _hah!_  

But, Connor was changing in his own way, too, and that was easy for Gavin to see. The other boy shot up through the summer, and Gavin was startled to realize one day that he had to gaze slightly _up_ to glance at Connor. It was totally not fair, and Gavin couldn’t wait until he shot up and surpassed Connor in height because surely he would? Surely he wasn’t cursed to stay a wholesome five feet tall forever? 

And, that still hadn’t even been the end of it. Gavin had eyes, and he felt like he’d been blind his whole life because when he saw one of the neighborhood girls come down to play Blind Man’s Bluff with Gavin and his friends like she always did, no longer was she just another annoying girl who didn’t know how to take a joke; now all he saw was the very curve of her slightly inflated chest, her bra straps easy to see beside the thin straps of her tank top. It was simply fascinating to Gavin, and that mental image of the girl stayed with him all day, and at night time, when he was alone in the dark quiet of his bedroom, he still couldn’t stop thinking about the way her long, smooth legs had moved her so fast around the playground, and when he woke up the next morning, his pajama bottoms were wet. 

This kind of thing happened to Gavin on a daily basis, and while it wasn’t bad, and it was actually very amazing to experience and experiment with, he hesitated about bringing it up to Connor. He didn’t know if the other boy felt that way about people yet, and for some reason, he thought it would make things awkward if he brought it up, so he only mentioned it to Kamski because he was that kind of friend Gavin could be his dirty, honest self with because he was _exactly_ the same as him. Connor was Gavin’s closest friend, but he also had an air of innocence about him that Gavin didn’t want to touch, didn’t want to taint. 

As it turned out, Kamski had already figured out this secret beauty to girls last year! So, Gavin and Kamski had yet a new subject they could spend their time talking about. 

“Gavin!” 

Gavin blinked, and he suddenly realized that he’d been staring at the mole on the side of Connor’s neck as he spaced out like a ditz. The other boy was snapping his fingers in Gavin’s face, trying to get his attention. “Did you hear me?” 

“What?” Gavin said, slowly trailing his eyes back to the light of his phone screen. 

“I asked you what you were thinking about?” 

Oh. Right. 

Gavin snorted. “Just loving how we’re not gonna be the scrawny punks at the bottom of the food chain anymore. Do you know how much I’ve missed being the kid that people fear?” 

Connor sighed wistfully and picked up his head to rest his chin on his arms as he gazed forward out at the park. “I hope you don’t use this as an opening to become the new class bully. Didn’t you learn anything from last year?” 

“Yeah, not to wait the whole fucking year before getting revenge. Because what we did to ginger fuck was sweet, but it would have been so much sweeter if we’d done it at the beginning of the year.” 

Connor sighed, a painful one that Gavin smirked at. He loved teasing the kid. “I would think that you would have learned something a little nicer, like sticking up for your friends? Or, that bullying is, oh, I don’t know, _wrong_?” 

“Oh, yeah, that, too. Bullying is wrong, and all that crap.” 

Connor huffed. “Gavin—” 

“Con, I’m just fucking with you. Do you really think I’m capable of just going around and bullying kids like those kids did to us last year?” 

Even from the side, Gavin could see Connor’s face crumple in guilt. “Of course, not.” 

“Then, just shut up,” he said gently, “and relax. Seventh grade is going to be awesome. Here,” he said, showing Connor his phone where Gavin had been scrolling through random pictures. “Look at this hilarious picture of this frog. It’s called a meme, have you seen them? They’re so stupid, and they don’t make any sense, but that’s what makes it so funny.” 

~ ~ ~ 

Seventh grade was fucking awesome. The year whizzed by without a hitch, and Connor and Gavin were as strong as ever during that time. 

He’d been right when he said that he could handle whatever the new eighth graders handed to him because they didn’t bother Gavin _at all_. At the beginning of the school year, rumors had started going around—which Gavin knew was 100% because of Kamski and his need to stir drama—saying that Gavin had been the one behind Adam’s big takedown last year, and so he’d garnered a new reputation this year. Gavin was the one you didn’t want to cross, not because you’d get bullied or smacked down in the halls, but because he had _connections_ , and he could make things happen that you didn’t want. 

It was all hilarious to him because really, it was just a dumb prank he’d done last minute because some kids were bullying Connor, and now half the school treated him as if he were some prank god. 

 It worked in his favor, though. The younger kids were scared of Gavin and didn’t really fuck around with him or his group of friends, Connor being untouchable number one. And, the older kids just treated Gavin as an equal and accepted the package that came along with him—that package being Connor, as always. 

For the next year and a half, Gavin felt like nothing could stop him. He had his Robin by his side, he had the respect—and fear—of his classmates, and that was all Gavin had ever wanted. 

~ ~ ~ 

Eighth grade came and had almost gone, had almost escaped Gavin’s clutches with barely more than a victorious win. 

When Gavin was little, he had always thought he had a little devil on his shoulder, a dark and mocking presence that he thought was there to punish him for his childhood bullying ways. His mother told him over and over that it wasn’t true, and when he’d met Connor and his life got redirected toward a life where Gavin thought it would reward him with a friend, he finally believed his mother all those times. 

Gavin had been dead wrong. 

That little devil never left. It had just been waiting, creeping, and hiding stealthily in the shadows while Gavin had a taste of the perfect life, until it chose the right moment to strike. 

It was the last day of eighth grade, the last day of middle school, and Gavin was so fucking ready for the summer. The librarian had just been on his ass lately about some book that he'd checked out a few months ago and had forgotten to return, and she had chased him down until the very last day of school to remind him to turn it in. He really had no fucking clue where it was, and he knew he would get fined for the missing book, but it was whatever. His dad could pay whatever stupid bill the school slapped him with. 

But, Connor, the ever-loyal friend he was, had searched his own house for the book because, “I know you had _Call of the Wild_ here somewhere, I just know it!” and, so Gavin was pretty impressed when Connor came running up to him right before the morning bell on the last day of school, a stupid grin on his face. 

Connor’s face was so expressive, the happiness evident from his wide eyes and big, toothy grin as he stopped right in front of Gavin who had been clearing out his locker. He turned to the other boy when Connor thrust the book in front of him and into Gavin’s chest. 

“Nice one, Robin. Now I won’t have to hear my dad bitching at me for some stupid book,” he said, grabbing the book up from Connor’s hands. 

He was about to turn back to his locker when Connor pulled his arm back to get his attention. Connor was biting his lip, a weird look on his face, his eyes downcast on his held-out hand. Gavin followed his gaze to see that the other boy’s hand was open, a small shiny ring centered in his palm. Gavin huffed in disbelief as he slipped up the thin ring between his fingers. It was his mom’s; it was her wedding ring, and Gavin smiled as he wrapped his fist tightly around it, clenching his eyes shut at the surge of relief flowing through him. His mom had been worried sick for days because she’d lost it last week, and she was going to be fucking ecstatic that Connor had found it. 

“My mom’s been looking for this,” he said, smacking his closed fist to his lips in a dramatic kiss. “She’s been such wreck. Where’d you find it?” he said, then mentally slapped himself. They were in the middle of a crowded hallway, he wasn’t going to get anything concrete out of his friend. So, for now, Gavin settled with a quick, “Thanks,” before slamming his locker shut and walking with Connor to their first class together. 

The day passed by quickly, as the last day of school always tended to go by, and after Gavin ran by the library to toss his book into the return pile, he hightailed it out of there so fast, not even going to miss that school one bit. He’d had a lot of ups and downs through middle school, and even though sixth grade had been the worst of it, and the next two years had been better, it still held no sentimental value to him. Besides, the only thing he’d miss would be his friends, and they were all coming with him to high school in the fall, so Gavin was ready to say goodbye to his childhood once and for all and hello to his teenhood. 

When he finally got into his house, his mother was standing in the kitchen near the oven as she cooked something that smelled suspiciously like cookies. 

“How was your last day, sweetie?” she said without turning around, already knowing who had walked in. 

“It was cool. Connor found my book that I’d been looking for,” he said as he flipped a chair around and sat backwards in it, his hands patting beats onto the table. 

His mother turned at that, an easy smile on her face. “What a relief. Now, we don’t have to hear your father complaining about something as little as a bill for a library book.” 

Gavin snorted. His thoughts exactly. 

“I’m making cookies. I thought it’d be nice to make for your last day and all. They should be—” 

The sound of their front door opening made Gavin whirl around at the sound, the sight of his dad bustling in and brushing the sleeves of his suit causing Gavin to frown. His dad never came home early. 

“You’re home early,” Gavin’s mom said, surprise in her voice. 

His dad sighed heavily as he toed off his shoes and walked into the kitchen to give his mom a quick kiss on the cheek. “Well, it’s Friday, and since I finished up in the office early, I thought I’d come and see what you two were up to. Maybe take us all out for dinner. It is his last day, isn’t it?” 

Gavin narrowed his eyes as he stared down at the tear in his jeans up on his thigh. He picked at it as his parents talked about where to go and, “Yes, _honey_ , today was Gavin’s last day of middle school,” and he kept pulling and pulling against the little hole until he finally heard a big _riiip_ and let the tear go. 

“Those are your good pants, Gavin, stop that,” his mom said, and he glanced at his parents. 

His dad merely raised an eyebrow at Gavin—one that made Gavin flush with embarrassment—before deftly picking up his mother’s hand in one of his. 

“Still haven’t found it?” his dad said, running a finger over her empty ring finger. Gavin perked up, completely forgetting about the little ring in his pocket. 

“I did,” Gavin said as he fished the ring out of his pocket and headed to his mother. He held it out to her proudly and was a little surprised at the uneasy look that flashed across her face, her eyebrows scrunching down and her eyes getting hazy. “Actually, Connor found it. He found it when he found my book.” 

His mom carefully grabbed the ring up in her palm and slid it back into place on her finger, all the while Gavin’s dad was staring at the side of her face, a blank look on his face. 

“Thank you, sweetie,” his mother said slowly, softly, staring at the ring very purposefully. 

“Where exactly did your friend find this? At his house, did you say?” his father said, now focused solely on Gavin. 

Gavin hadn’t said where Connor had found it, but by the intense look in his father’s eyes, he suddenly didn’t _want_ to say. 

“Um, I—I don’t know. Does it matter? Mom has her wedding ring back, so you don’t have to worry anymore,” Gavin said, hating the way his voice always sounded so small when he spoke to his father. 

His mother sighed so very softly, like the way she seemed to do everything, and ruffled Gavin’s hair. “Of course, that’s all that matters.” 

She said it didn’t matter, so then why was everything so awkward all of a sudden? His father was rapidly ticking his fingers against the counter as he stared unseeingly at the floor, and his mother had her hand curled around the side of her throat as she gazed away and toward the hallway, and Gavin was just stumped. Come to think of it, even Connor had this weird look on his face when he’d given Gavin the ring. What the hell was Gavin missing? 

It was so quiet in the warm kitchen and no one was moving, so when his dad abruptly pushed himself away from the counter aggressively, both Gavin and his mother jumped, startled at the harsh sound of his shoes as he stomped away. 

His mother looked after his father sadly, and when she pushed herself off the counter to follow him, Gavin said, “Did I do something wrong?” 

Because it made no sense. Why was his father upset? Gavin did something good! He thought they’d be happy that she had her ring back because he knew it meant a lot to both of them. And, his dad was fine when he came in five minutes ago, but only once Gavin opened his mouth did his father storm away, so what else could it have been? 

His mother stopped in her tracks at Gavin’s words, and she was quick to turn back to him with firm words. “You must never think that. I never want you to think for one second that you’re the reason for your father’s anger.” 

Gavin wasn’t too sure about that, and she knew it. She came back to him and pressed his head into her chest as her arms went around him. He was helpless against keeping his arms to his side, and he reached up to cling to her, the smell of her hair that smelled like green apple lingering strongly in his nose, but he didn’t care. He liked green apples, anyway. 

“Your father loves you just as I do, and I know that might be hard to see, but it’s true,” she said, her fingers combing through his soft hair like she used to do when he was little. “You’re the best thing that could have happened to us, and you’re never the cause of our arguments.” 

Gavin pulled away enough to gaze at her serious face, his stomach knotting with anxious nerves. “But, why are you guys arguing again?” 

His parents had gone through a rough patch last year, a short time that was filled with awkward dinners and mumbled yelling from their closed bedroom and days where his mother came to lay with him in the middle of the night. But, they’d gotten over that. Nowadays, his parents hugged each other and kissed each other and went out on dates together, and while it still grossed him out to think about, it had just made him feel better knowing that everyone was happy. 

He really didn’t want to go back to that moody time. 

His mother bumped him on the nose with the tip of her finger and spared a smile for him. “Don’t you worry about it. You don’t need to concern yourself with the stupid little arguments we get into. And, lose these frown lines, sweetie,” she said exasperatedly, smoothing her finger across his stressed eyebrows. “You’ll end up with wrinkles.” 

His mother untangled herself from him then and went off after his dad, the sound of the door closing shut resonating throughout mind. 

Gavin was just standing there in the middle of the kitchen, staring at the floor, trying to make sense of a situation nobody would tell him about, when the smell hit him—the foul, burning smoke of his favorite cookies being overdone. 

“Cookies,” Gavin mumbled to himself and hastily went to pull the oven door open. A blast of smoke hit him in the face, and he coughed as he waved it away enough to use the oven mitt to pull out the burnt cookies. 

He quickly shut the oven door and set the cookie tray on the stove top. It took a minute before he cleared most of the smoke away from his face using the oven mitt as a fan, though the smell and taste still lingered in his throat. 

Gavin groaned, upset, as he gazed at his mom’s forgotten cookies. They usually turned out so wonderful, and she even liked to drop in Hershey kisses into the middle of the soft cookies. 

He waited until they cooled down before he grabbed one up and hit it against the stove top. It was as hard as plastic. 

His parents stayed in their room for a long time, long enough to where Gavin had enough time to play on his phone until the battery was about to die, and he even had time to watch four episodes of Steven Universe before he finally heard their bedroom door creak open. 

Gavin’s mom came steadfastly walking from the hallway and went straight to the coat rack. Her eyes were puffy, and her lips were set in a grim line, and Gavin stood up once he realized that she was getting herself ready. 

He didn’t even make it over to her before she tearfully asked for him to go back to watching his cartoons. He insisted on going with her, not liking the idea that she was going for a drive so late and by herself while she was sad, but she sounded so defeated when she spoke to him, and he didn’t want to make her more upset. So, Gavin slowly sat back down on the couch and watched with a heavy heart as his mother grabbed up the car keys and left the house. 

Gavin didn’t move from his spot on the couch, and he told himself he wouldn’t, either, until she came back. He waited all night long, as long as he could, but when two o’clock in the morning hit, he had already fallen asleep curled up on the couch. 

When he woke up a little later, it was just hitting dusk judging by the orangish pink colors filtering in through the blinds in the living room, but a single light was on in the kitchen, a light that hadn’t been on when he went to sleep. 

A choked, muffled sound was coming from the kitchen, and when Gavin rubbed at his eyes and pushed himself up to peer into the kitchen over the arm of the couch, he was startled to see multiple people standing in his kitchen, people he didn’t recognize. 

His heart started hammering against his chest when he realized they were cops. 

Gavin’s mouth went dry, and he could still hear that choking sound, and he jumped up from the couch and ran to the edge of the kitchen where he found his dad sitting at the kitchen table, his face in his hands, and his shoulders shaking as he cried into his hands. 

Gavin knew something big had happened then because his dad was _crying_ —he’d never seen his dad cry before. Not when his mother cried (because that was just sad enough to always make Gavin want to cry), not when Gavin accidentally slammed his dad’s hand in the door when he was younger. Not ever. 

“Dad,” Gavin said shakily, and all the heads in the room turned to look at Gavin, their somber faces not helping him in the slightest. 

“Son,” his dad said roughly, and he beckoned Gavin closer, his distraught face enough to make Gavin comply with no complaint for once. 

Gavin was finding it harder and harder to breathe as he walked closer to his dad, and as soon as he was within arms reach, his father grabbed him around the waist and pulled him to him in a crushing hug; a one-sided hug because Gavin’s arms were kind of pinned to his sides beneath his father’s grip. 

“Where’s Mom?” Gavin said, and his father only squeezed him tighter as another deep sob wrangled its way out of his throat. 

His father eventually pulled away and explained to Gavin what had happened while he slept. Or, he tried to, at least. His words were broken, and he kept choking as he started and stopped, started and stopped, but Gavin got the gist of it. He caught the unspeakable words from between his father’s half sentences. 

His mother was gone. 

And, she wasn’t gone off to the store for some early morning trip for milk, or gone out for a run. His mother was gone, and she would never be back _._  

It was no one’s fault, the cop had tried to explain, had very calmly tried to explain as he brought up some of the details about the crash his mother had been in just a mere few hours ago, but Gavin didn’t stick around to hear any of it.  

He’d wrenched himself away from his father and ran out the front door. He ran and he ran through the early morning fog, his vision blurry the entire way to his destination. 

Connor lived about two miles away, and Gavin ran the entire way to his house until he could hardly breathe past the pain in his side and the tightness of his throat and the way his head was pounding from the force of his sobs heaving through him. 

He banged on Connor’s door, and it never registered one bit how it was still dusk, the sunlight barely peeking through the trees. It was too early, way too early for a fourteen year old to be out, but nothing was registering in his mind. 

The door finally opened after Gavin kept on banging his fist against the door, but he was faced with the opposite of who he’d been looking for. 

Hank was standing there with an annoyed grimace on his face, and he looked about ready to chew Gavin out for waking him up from the looks of his disheveled state, but once Hank caught sight of the hysterical state Gavin was in, he immediately loosened his grimace to a frown. 

“Gavin? What in the hell…?” he said softly, and Gavin didn’t have time for this. 

“Connor,” he hiccuped, his breaths stuttering as he tried to gaze past Hank. “Where’s… I need—” 

“Just get in here, boy, Jesus,” Hank said, and once he opened the door wide enough, Gavin ran past him and went straight for Connor’s room. 

The other boy was still sleeping peacefully, his mouth open, and his arms flailed around his head crazily, like always. Gavin stared at him for a moment as his loud sobs turned to silent cries, and he squeezed his eyes shut as he stood at the threshold of the room and wrapped his arms around himself tightly, protectively. 

He stood like that for he didn’t know how long, eventually sliding down Connor’s open bedroom door to wrap his arms around himself and hide his face into his knees. 

His head was throbbing steadily, and his eyes felt so heavy, and he was growing tired of hearing himself cry so openly, so pathetically, but he didn’t care. Nothing mattered right now. It felt like nothing would matter ever again. 

Eventually, his chest started to loosen as he got everything out of him, and when his cries had dialed down to moaning whimpers, the voices around him started filtering in. 

“Did she answer? Did she say what’s wrong with him?” 

Connor. That was Connor’s concerned voice and right beside him, too. Gavin could feel the arm around his shoulder now, and he hadn’t even realized that Connor was awake and holding him. 

“No, that was, uh…” Hank said shakily, and Gavin could hear the roughness to it, the way he stopped talking so he could collect himself enough to speak. “It’s bad, Con.” 

Hank sucked in a heavy gasp, and as he explained to Connor in short, cut off sentences about what had happened, Gavin tuned them out once more, focusing on the numbing sound of his whimpers once again. He’d already heard the news once, he didn’t need to hear it again. 

Then, it was quiet, and while Gavin had wished for silence just seconds before, he found that he couldn’t stay stuck in the quiet like this forever. When he was sure Hank had gone and only Connor remained, Gavin sniffed and finally peeled his head away from its hiding place against his knees and slowly gazed at Connor beside him. 

The other boy was leaning his head against Gavin’s shoulder, one arm around Gavin’s back to grasp his shoulder and his other hand barely gripping onto Gavin’s elbow.  

Connor must have felt him move because he picked his head up to look at Gavin, and the way Connor’s eyes were red and puffy, his entire chin wobbling with unspoken whimpers, just made Gavin start to heave with a fresh wave of tears. 

“I’m so sorry,” Connor whispered, his bright eyes wet, and that finally pushed Gavin over the edge. He aggressively pulled Connor to him and grabbed onto his shirt, fisting the soft fabric up in his fists as he bit down on another sob. His face was pressed right into the crease of Connor’s neck, and it was so hot in the small space, and he couldn’t breathe, but he couldn’t find it in himself to move. 

His tears were probably soaking down Connor’s neck and sliding down under his shirt, but he knew Connor didn’t care. 

Connor had his hands wrapped around Gavin’s back and head, and when he gently urged Gavin away, it was only so he could guide them over to the bed. Gavin laid down first, lying as close to the edge as he could get as he rested his head on his bent arms. Connor got in behind him, and when the other boy wrapped an arm around Gavin’s chest and held him close, he didn’t even put up a fight. This was Connor, and right now, he was the only person Gavin wanted to be around. 

Gavin was still shuddering, his entire body feeling shaky as he hiccuped every couple of breaths as his mind started to clear, the harsh pounding from earlier starting to make him sleepy, and when Connor started combing his fingers through Gavin’s hair soothingly, he closed his eyes at the comforting gesture. 

He fell asleep under Connor’s gentle touch, and to memories of his mother doing the exact same thing when he was little. 

~ ~ ~ 

The funeral was held on a Tuesday. It was bright and shining, and Gavin was pissed off as he stood beside his father in front of the freshly buried grave plot because wasn’t it supposed to be raining? How could the world think it was okay to act as if the most terrible thing hadn’t happened? As if anyone could see this day as a day to go out and have fun in the sun? 

He couldn’t help but let his mind wander to what he would be doing today if it were a normal day—what he _should_ have been doing. 

On days like this, where the sun was high and the wind was swaying breezily, his mother would take him to the pond to go feed the ducks because that was something Gavin still enjoyed to do even after being in his teen hood for two years. He probably would have brung Connor along if he wasn’t busy with Hank, and they would have dangled their legs along the bridge as they tossed out bread to the ducks pooled together at their feet. 

Gavin didn’t know if he ever wanted to go back to that pond again. 

Someone nudged Gavin’s shoulder, and he wiped away the stray tears that had silently fallen before gazing at Connor. 

Connor had been just as wrecked as Gavin had been during these last few days, and it had a been a selfish comfort to know that someone else could understand what he was going through. His mom always treated Connor like part of the family, like a second son to her, and so if anyone felt her loss as significantly as Gavin had, it would be Connor. 

As it was, Connor was standing on Gavin’s other side, his hands folded together, his wet eyes heavy with sadness, dark eyebrows raised slightly in question. 

 _Are you okay?_  

And, Connor didn’t really mean _are you okay_ because of course Gavin fucking wasn’t. Connor knew this, and he wasn’t stupid enough to ask such a thoughtless question. No, what Connor really meant was _are you here right now?_  

Gavin only rubbed at his nose and nodded in answer, suddenly thankful for their silent way of communication they’d long since established since they were ten years old. He didn’t think he’d be able to talk right now even if he tried. 

Gavin’s hands were at his side, and Connor was close, so close their dress pants were brushing along each others, and Gavin didn’t even notice that his hand had wandered over to Connor’s clasped together hands. The other boy immediately clutched onto one of Gavin’s hands, and he finally felt like he could breathe. He took in a huge, stuttering breath as he fought to keep the heavy cries in since he was surrounded by people who knew his mom, people Gavin didn’t really know except for when he saw them at dinner parties or in passing at the grocery store. 

Kamski was here. His parents and Gavin’s parents had always been good friends, and that was why he was pretty much Gavin’s first friend ever. Kamski was standing across the plot from him, and while Gavin knew this and knew that Kamski had been trying to catch his eye ever since the funeral started, Gavin still kept his head down.  

He did let a few choked sounds out, but the only ones close enough to hear were Gavin’s dad and Connor, and he didn’t care if they heard him. It was nothing they hadn’t heard from him for days. 

As the funeral went on, Gavin didn’t really listen to a word that was being said as the guy talked about life and passing, and he was actually relieved when the whole thing was over. He just wanted to go over to Connor’s and do mindless shit with him. 

And, for the next couple months of Summer, that’s exactly what he did. He’d get up in the mornings, skip out on breakfast and sneak out to Connor’s house where Connor would make waffles or pancakes or whatever because everyone knew better than to eat something Hank had made. And, Gavin was almost positive Connor knew the secret recipe to making sweet food, just like his mother had, because the waffles were always extra fluffy, and Gavin always ate every single bite of his. 

Then, they’d spend the day hanging out at the park near Connor’s house. It wasn’t nearly as fun as the park by Gavin’s house because this one only had two big slides and a swing set, but they didn’t go there for that anyway, they just needed somewhere to chill while they talked and played on their phones. 

It became another routine in Gavin’s life: wake up, argue with his dad about going to Connor’s, disobey his father’s, “No, Gavin, I don’t want you walking all the way to Connor’s by yourself,” bullshit excuse and leave out anyway after his dad left for work, watch mindless videos on his phone beside Connor all day long, and then head back home before his dad made it back in. 

Hank would drive Gavin home sometimes if he was there and not at the precinct, and Gavin appreciated that. He appreciated how Hank still looked out for him. That was something Gavin had been confused about after his mom died because Hank hadn’t shown up to the funeral. Gavin never knew why, and Connor hadn’t known why, and when he saw Hank after the funeral, Gavin had been a little bit nervous. His mom and Connor’s dad had always been good friends, so it hadn’t made any sense why the man wouldn’t show up to her funeral. 

But, when Gavin saw him after the funeral, he’d seen just how miserable Hank was. How Hank had greeted him with a sad smile and red, puffy eyes. How he spent most of his time locked in his bedroom doing who knew what the fuck, but one thing Hank had done was made absolutely sure Gavin knew that he was always welcomed to come there whenever he wanted to. It was like his second home, Hank had said—and Gavin agreed. 

So, Gavin silently forgave Hank for skipping out on the funeral because maybe there were other factors keeping him away. He knew the man didn’t deal with his emotions very well, so that could have been it. 

Either way, Hank and Connor were such a comfort to Gavin throughout the summer. He’d never felt so low in his entire life, and they didn’t demand anything of him. If anything, the two of them took care of Gavin. 

Gavin didn’t spend the night very often during the summer because it was always an argument with his father in the morning when he showed back up. But, the week before high school started, Gavin found himself lying down in Connor’s bed as he waited for the other boy to finish with his shower. 

Gavin’s tongue was flicked out of his mouth as he tried different filters on Snapchat. He liked the way he looked with this devilish filter, one that turned his cheeks flaming and horns sprouted out of his ears. He thought it was a good representation of himself. 

When the door creaked open, Connor timidly peeked his head inside before coming all the way in. He was clad in only a blue bath towel that was wrapped around his waist and nothing else. Gavin couldn’t help the way he used his tongue to pull his bottom lip in between his teeth as he stared at the other boy. Connor had always been a little self conscious about showing off his body, and the only time he walked around without a shirt on was at the pool when everyone else had their shirts off. Gavin had never cared about flaunting his own lean body, and Connor had seen his bare chest more times than he could count. 

Which was why Gavin was so struck at the way the other boy shyly crossed the room half-naked and went to stand before his open closet to look for some clothes. 

Connor’s hair was wet, making the usually poofy mess of his hair stick slickly to his head, the strands curling and clinging to his neck. Connor was just naturally pale, and since they hadn’t gone to the pool too much this summer, Connor’s torso hadn’t seen much sunlight, and Gavin could see the tan lines as they reached Connor’s shoulder and then stopped.  

It was mesmerizing as Gavin laid there and watched the way Connor’s back muscles flexed as he flicked through his hung up clothes, and Gavin slowly lowered his phone down to his chest to pull an arm behind his head, the entertaining filters completely forgotten about. 

Gavin had the sudden mental image of himself standing behind the other boy as he ran his fingers down his spine, every little ridge hitting the pads of his fingers like a rhythm, hard and steady, smooth and comforting, and— 

“Why are you looking at me like that?” Connor said, and Gavin blinked, unaware that Connor had even turned around with clothes pressed to his chest. Defensively, and more than a little embarrassed at his own mind _and_ the fact that Connor had caught him, Gavin frowned. 

“Like what? I thought I saw something on your back, but it was just a dumb fly.” 

Connor nodded, and while Gavin could tell by the narrowed eyes that the other boy was skeptical, Connor nodded nonetheless and left the room once more.  

Gavin let out a harsh breath as the click of the door sounded shut, and he pushed himself up in the bed, rubbing a hand through his hair, wondering why he was seeing his friend in this way. 

If he were being honest with himself, this wasn’t the first time he’d looked at Connor and had gotten a fluttery flushed feeling coursing through him. It usually ending up with his dick getting embarrassingly hard, and he’d have to drag out mental images of that horrendous librarian from middle school to get it to go away before anyone could notice. 

He remembered the first time it had happened. They’d just been doing one of their little wrestling matches after school as they ran home together, and Gavin had tripped Connor up and tackled him to the ground after the other boy stole his last piece of gum. They rolled around twice before Gavin finally pinned Connor to the ground with his hips, and once he’d had Connor’s arms pinned down by the wrists, the stolen piece of gum still wrapped tightly in his fist, Gavin had taken in the bright, humorous smile on Connor’s dimpled face, and the sound of his laughter coupled with the realization that he had Connor trapped beneath him (just like in every hardcore porno Kamski had shown him in the locker room after gym class) had Gavin scrambling backwards and off the kid before the other boy could feel what Gavin had suddenly felt stir under his belt. 

After that day, Gavin had kept their touching to a minimum, the scary feeling in the back of his mind that his random erections could happen again keeping himself from enjoying Connor’s once comforting touch. But, it wasn’t a one-sided thing. Connor, too, had been hesitating before doing something as simple as dropping his arm around Gavin’s neck, and he couldn’t tell if it was because Connor was picking up the weird vibes from Gavin or because of something else. 

After Gavin’s mom, though, they’d gone back to the simple touches, the cuddling in the middle of the night that neither of them spoke about, the handful of times Gavin had reached for Connor’s hand and only wanted peace of mind. His mind was so fucked after his mom that it was hard for him to even think about anything other than the awful, all-consuming pain of her loss that was left behind. So, whenever Connor wrapped an arm around him and held him close now, Gavin only took solace in the arms of his best friend. 

But, it’d been a few months since his mother had gone, and Gavin didn’t know what it meant that he was having these feelings about Connor again. He tried to ignore them, tried to pass it off as him just being hornier than all the other kids and finding everyone he knew attractive. But, that wasn’t quite right, though, because while Gavin could get his dick up more times than he got detention, the person who was the cause of that was usually one of the hot girls from their grade … or Connor. 

Shit. 

The sound of the door creaking open once more had Gavin clenching the bed sheets, startled, until Connor’s shy face poked in. He was fully clothed now and found his way over to the bed as Gavin gathered his legs inward criss cross applesauce style, making room for the other boy. 

“What are you thinking about?” Connor said as he scooted all the way back until he was leaning against the wall, his phone in his hands, but he wasn’t on it; he was just swinging it up and catching it, a slow rhythm Gavin watched as he thought about how to answer him. 

It was such a simple question, one that Connor asked him every year once he’d finally opened his mouth and started talking with his voice. The answer had always been something as equally simple, about naïve excitement for the new year, about wanting to be in the same class as Connor, about establishing a good reputation for the year. 

Gavin wasn’t looking forward to anything about high school. He had been. Nearing the end of eighth grade, it was all he and his friends had talked about was what kind of hot girls were going to be in high school, what kind of cooler classes they’d have, the fact that they got to take their lunch off campus and eat at the fucking McDonald’s down the street from their new school.  

Now, it all seemed so juvenile to him. Who gave a damn where they ate lunch? Who cared about flirting with pretty girls when Gavin’s life had turned upside down during the summer? 

So, no, he wasn’t thinking about the trivial intricacies of school this time. 

“I’m just… My mom always said that high school was going to be my time. She said it was when I would find out just what kind of person I was going to be. Setting the foundation for the future, or whatever the fuck,” Gavin said. 

His hands were itching as he grabbed at the bed sheets until he eventually reached into his pocket for some random paper he had wadded in there. He unraveled it and scoffed as he took in the crude drawing of boobs Kamski had given him yesterday and proceeded to rip it up into tiny pieces, just to give his hands something constructive to do other than wrinkle Connor’s bed sheets. 

Connor didn’t say anything for a minute, but he did stop the twirling of his phone as he let it fall into his closed lap. 

“She was right,” Connor said, voice soft. “My dad tells me the same thing. How these could be the years I finally begin to speak in class. How the friendships I form now could help me down the road in life.” 

Gavin scoffed, a sly smile quirking up the side of his mouth. “What, and I’m not good enough? Your high school friendships mean something, but your childhood ones don’t?” 

“Of course, they do!” Connor said highly, just like Gavin knew he would. But, Connor knew Gavin by now. He knew him like he knew the sun was bright and the rain was wet. “You’re messing with me,” he concluded, sighing. 

“ _Fucking_ with you is the word I’d use.” 

“And, that’s the difference between you and I; I still find vulgar language trash, and an inadequate way to get my feelings across.” 

“No, you’re only a goody two-shoes because besides me, you’ve only spoken with adults your whole life. They corrupted you. Or, reverse corrupted you. Whatever the opposite of corruption is, that’s what’s happening with you.” 

“Moral,” Connor said, giving Gavin an unimpressed look. “It’s moral, and what’s so wrong with wanting to be good?” 

Gavin sighed as he rubbed at his forehead and moved to sit shoulder to shoulder with Connor, his entire left side from his shoulders down to his knees connecting with the other boy. “Don’t you wish you could be more rebellious? Just do something no one expected of you and say _fuck you_ to the consequences? I bet you’d get away with it, too, since you’ve only got one parent. I sure get away with a lot more now.” 

Gavin was scratching at his knees, trying to ignore the obvious implication of how he only _had_ one parent now. Connor was quiet beside him, and Gavin really hoped he just skimmed over the sadness of his statement. 

“Something no one expects of me? Even you?” Connor said, and Gavin picked his head up at the bundle of nerves there in his best friend’s voice. Connor wasn’t looking at him, he was smoothing his thumb over the dark screen of his phone anxiously, and Gavin scrunched his eyebrows together in confusion. 

“If you could surprise me still, I’d be pretty fucking shocked. I’m probably the person who knows you best, even those weird, kooky little thoughts you have. I know them all. And, you don’t even have to open your mouth most times.” Gavin smirked at him and tapped the side of his head in a knowing gesture. 

But, then Connor sucked his lips in between his teeth, and Gavin had never seen the other boy look so nervous and excited and hyped up all at once. A tiny flicker of doubt began to creep into his mind as he wondered what Connor was actually capable of. 

He didn’t have to wonder long because in the next two seconds Connor surged to the side and pressed his lips chastely, awkwardly, and quickly to Gavin’s stunned open lips that immediately mashed closed as Connor took the initiative here. Gavin couldn’t think, couldn’t even close his eyes by how stunned he was that those secret dreams he’d had and always pushed down were becoming a reality right now. 

In his subconscious dreams, Gavin would always be the first one to initiate contact. It always started in the middle of the dream with Connor being missing, and Gavin searched everywhere for his missing Robin. He always found him in the same place: at the duck pond, with the other boy dangling his feet carelessly over the bridge, a dumb, caring smile on his face as he tossed bread over the bridge and down to the waiting ducks. Gavin would sit beside him and tell him how scared he was, and when Connor gazed back at him so concernedly, Gavin couldn’t resist laying one on those pink lips of his. He imagined that Connor tasted like bubblegum, like the gum Connor loved to steal from Gavin when he thought he wasn’t paying attention. It was sweet, and Gavin couldn’t help but open up his lips to him because he absolutely _loved_ bubblegum. 

Reality was harsher. His first kiss was closed-mouth and over before Gavin could even blink, and once he did, a fiery light zinged throughout his entire body as he realized what just happened, and he gulped when he realized the feeling shot all the way down to his groin. 

He gasped belatedly as he rushed to pull his knee up to his chest to block Connor’s view of his crotch. Images of his old librarian filled his head as he closed his eyes and tried to will his sudden problem away. 

 _Old, fuzzy hair. Glasses perched so d_ _amn_ _low on her nose. Pinched face that sometimes reminded him of a rat. Her high voice that always squeaked his name out, he almost began to hate his name_ — 

“Aren’t you gonna say anything?” Connor said, and Gavin finally opened his eyes to gaze at him. Connor’s eyes were so vulnerable, as vulnerable as they had been that very first day he’d met him and had only seen those clear brown eyes through a black mask in a Robin suit. 

Gavin gulped and wasn’t really sure what to say. Was he happy? He felt like he should be mad. It just felt like the appropriate reaction to being kissed by his best friend without any warning, but they were alone. No one had seen, and Gavin didn’t _feel_ mad. He was actually glad they were alone right now, though, because Gavin wasn’t sure how he felt about this, and an audience would have made it worse. Would have made him _react_ worse. 

But, he could tell Connor was getting increasingly agitated by his silence, so he asked the only neutral question he could think of. “Why… What was that for?” 

His voice was unusually quiet, and he hoped he wasn’t giving off the wrong vibes. He was never any good at making people feel comfortable, but with Connor he’d always tried to. 

“I— I— I don’t know,” Connor said slowly, breathily. “You said something no one expected of me, so…” 

Was that what this was? Some kind of joke? Connor had always been funny, but kissing Gavin just to prove that he could still shock him? 

It was slow building, but his chest started to feel full as he let the hilarity of the situation wash through him, and before he knew it, he was laughing so hard, the embarrassment and the elation and the relief all pouring out of him in a safe outlet, a laugh Connor couldn’t misinterpret as anything but positive. 

Pretty soon, Connor had joined him, and the two of them were laughing with their heads bowed together, tears springing from the corners of Gavin’s eyes. 

It was a good one. 

“Okay, Con, you win. You can still shock me. Is that what you wanted to hear?” Gavin said as he wiped at his eyes, leaning back against the wall as he calmed down. 

Connor didn’t say anything, but he kept on biting down on a smile as he faced Gavin with his bright eyes that looked unusually happy for these somber times. It was pretty hard for them to find any kind of true happiness in their grieving period, but this was the first time Connor had looked genuinely happy in months, and Gavin, too, felt as light as he hadn’t felt since before the summer. 

Maybe Connor did kiss him as a joke, but it wasn’t malicious. He wasn’t trying to trick Gavin into thinking anything. Maybe he’d done it to loosen themselves up. Maybe he’d done it purely for shock value, like Connor had suggested. 

But, it didn’t feel like a joke to Gavin. It felt real, and he didn’t want to admit how much he wanted it to happen again. 

Soon after that, they slid down on Connor’s bed like they always did the few times Gavin defied his father and spent the night. Connor was a cuddler, so that’s how they found themselves tonight, like most nights: with Connor hugging Gavin from behind as they slowly drifted along the peaceful atmosphere to the sounds of nature outside Connor’s bedroom window. 

It wasn’t like Gavin had to worry about this compromised position being outed since Connor didn’t talk to anyone else. And, Gavin sure as shit wasn’t going to mention anything to anyone. He knew some people at school still whispered about him and Connor being boyfriends or whatever, but it didn’t bother him as much as it used to that first year of middle school. They were just close friends, and who gave a fuck what they did? Gavin felt comfortable like he was right now, Connor at his back with an arm around his chest, and he wasn’t going to deny himself this. 

They fell asleep, and this time, Gavin went with a smile on his face as he tried to remember the exact flavor on Connor lips. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, so sad about his mom! I cried about this OC for real. Final update on Saturday, and this time I promise xx


	3. Silver Linings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gavin tries to find the words he could never say before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry to say that I am bringing the pain tonight I am sorRY.

The next morning, Gavin woke up before Connor, and he gently peeled the other boy’s hot arm off of his body before he snuck into the living room. 

Hank wasn’t home yet. It was Saturday, and he usually didn’t get in from wherever he was until noon, so Gavin had to run his way home in the early morning dew. It was cool on his heated skin, the extra warmth Connor provided throughout the night enough to have Gavin sweating through his clothes by morning. Not that he was complaining. What was a little sweat compared to the feel of another person? 

When Gavin finally ran up to his house, he desperately hoped his dad was still sleeping. He ran around to his bedroom window on the side of the house and carefully pushed it open, cringing at the harsh sound of the heavy wood sliding up. 

He crawled through, and once his feet dropped to the ground, he turned on his heel and stopped. 

His father was sitting down on Gavin’s bed, a small picture gripped tightly between his hands. Gavin’s heart jumped into his throat painfully as he realized which photo he was staring sullenly at. It was the picture of Gavin, Connor, Hank, and Gavin’s mom at the duck pond. It wasn’t exactly a secret photo, but Gavin didn’t really want his dad looking at it nonetheless. 

“I told you not to go over there,” his dad said, his voice rough. 

It sounded like he’d been crying, and Gavin’s suspicion was confirmed when his dad finally gazed up at him, and the red-rimmed eyes looked so out of place on his father. For 14 years, Gavin had gone without ever seeing his dad cry, and in the span of a matter of months, he’d seen this now familiar haunted, wet look in his father’s eyes many times. 

Gavin stepped forward into the dark room, hesitant. “Dad…” 

“I tell you every day. I say, ‘Son, I don’t want you going over to that boy’s house anymore,’ and what do you do? You disrespect me, and you hightail it out of here every damn time!” His dad yelled that last part, and Gavin jumped at the volume of it. His dad had yelled at him plenty of times before when Gavin had gotten in trouble, but he’d always had his mom there to act as a buffer, to calm his dad down enough to where Gavin didn’t feel so scared anymore, so small. 

But, there was no one here to protect him anymore. 

Gavin clenched his fists by his side, his stubborn self unable to take such a verbal beating without retaliating in some way. “He’s my best friend, okay? Mom always used to let me go—” 

“Your mother’s not here,” his dad interrupted harshly, his dark eyes wide and intense as his gaze burned into Gavin’s. “And, whose fault is that?” 

Gavin almost kept it to himself. Almost kept the dark thoughts he had at night when he was alone in right now. But, what did it fucking matter anymore? 

“You! You. It’s your fault mom was out there in the rain. You made her cry, and you were the one she was trying to get away from,” he yelled, unable to stop the rush of angry tears popping from the corners of his eyes.  

Gavin didn’t really believe his own words, but it was easier to believe that than the ugly truth Gavin knew deep in his heart. 

His dad chuckled, but it was mocking. His dad was laughing at him, and Gavin’s little fists only clenched tighter at the mockery. “My sweet boy,” he said softly, and Gavin blinked. “You must be incredibly naïve if you think I was to blame. I loved your mother—” he said and stopped to take in a shuddering breath. After a moment of holding it, he shook his head to himself. “You don’t know a thing.” 

“What are you talking about?” Gavin said, because he was tired of the lies and the secrets he knew his parents kept. What did it matter now if she was gone? 

Gavin’s dad gazed down at the picture in his hand once more before he scoffed and tossed it aside onto Gavin’s bed. He stood up and faced Gavin with sad eyes, a look Gavin was having a hard time trying to reconcile with his father’s nonsense. 

“Why do you think we were fighting that night?” his dad said. 

The first thought that popped into Gavin’s head was  _because of me._  But, he couldn’t seem to voice that thought out loud. So, he didn’t respond. He only hung his head, and wrapped his arms around himself. 

His dad continued, and each word was like a punch to the stomach as Gavin listened. “Your mother was having an affair. You know what that word means? I’ll give you three guesses as to who.” 

Gavin couldn’t even think past the string of  _no, no, no_  chorusing through his head, that he didn’t even dwell on the way his father thought he was too stupid to know what words meant. 

“No…” Gavin said, shaking his head. No, it wasn’t true. It wasn’t. It couldn’t. 

“Don’t act so surprised. You can’t tell me you never saw anything happen between them.” 

But, it  _was_  true. 

It was very true, and Gavin thought he might have known the whole time. Since that very first night he saw the two of them whispering on the couch together. 

And, everything made sense now. All the secret touches he’d witnessed when his mom and Hank thought no one was looking. The way his mother smiled so brightly at Hank like the way she used to smile at his dad. Why Gavin’s father never liked Hank, and why he now wanted Gavin to stay away from Connor and his dad. The way her wedding ring had been found at Hank’s house when it had no business being there otherwise. 

Gavin could feel those furrowed brows coming back into place as his anger simmered in his gut, and he knew his mom always hated that, always tried to smooth the wrinkles from his forehead, but like his dad had said—she wasn’t here. 

“Now do you see, son?” his dad said, and Gavin was too caught up in his growing anger to care too much when his father reached down to brace Gavin’s shoulders. “That man and his son are no good for you. That man stole your mother away from me, and that’s why she went out that night. Because of a stupid fight that never would have happened if it hadn’t been for him.” 

“No,” Gavin said desperately. “No, Connor is… He’s my best friend.” How could his father say that his best friend was no good when he was the only good thing Gavin had left? 

His dad clenched his shoulder tighter, trying to get his attention. “What kind of friend lies to you, huh? You say this boy is smart, then surely he must have put two and two together when he found that ring. And, he hasn’t told you a damn thing. He kept you in the dark.” 

“No,” Gavin whined, shaking his head and closing his eyes, trying to get away from all the hateful feelings coursing through him. He didn’t want to believe his dad, his dad was a dick … but it all just made sense to Gavin. It made sense just like in the way the quickest and dirtiest play always won. It was a cheat, but it always prevailed. 

“ _Yes._  You know it’s true, son, you know—” 

“No! I don’t know anything!” Gavin said and finally wrenched himself away from his father’s grip and took off out the window once more, his father’s haunting words reeling in his head the entire run back to Connor’s house. 

Gavin was just full of rage as he ran up the familiar pavement that led to the front door of Connor’s house. Hank’s car was in the driveway now, and Gavin sniffled as he wiped his sleeve across his nose. He banged on the door, once, twice, thrice— 

His fist swung through the air as the door flew open, and Connor was standing there, eyes wide and concerned. Always concerned. 

“Gavin, what’s the—” 

“Hank. Where’s Hank? I know he’s here,” Gavin said and tried to push past Connor and into the house to go search for him, but Connor surprised him by shoving against Gavin, keeping him trapped outside. 

“Wait, what’s wrong?” 

“ _Move_ , Connor, before I make you.” The threat was clear in Gavin’s voice if Connor’s shot up eyebrows said anything. Gavin’s voice was low and dangerous, and he’d never spoken to Connor this way. But, he wasn’t really thinking right now, either. His dad’s words were blinding him, consuming him until all that was left was his raging need for the truth.  

Connor slowly straightened up, his grip tightening on the door as he held it open just enough for his lanky body to be the only thing in the way. 

“I’m not moving until you tell me what’s wrong.” 

Gavin smacked his lips together and whirled around to aimlessly survey the yard, before he turned back to Connor. “This has nothing to do with you. I need to talk to Hank about my mother.” 

As soon as he mentioned his mom, Connor’s protective act cracked a little, just enough for Gavin to witness the flash across his features there on his usually innocent face. The flash of  _guilt._  

Gavin blinked, realization hitting him hard and swift like a fastball. His chest was suddenly  _heaving_ with betrayal. 

“You  _knew_?” Gavin said quietly, forcefully, and Connor averted his knowing eyes. 

Connor was quiet for a moment before he said regretfully, “I had my suspicions.” Then, he glanced at Gavin, pleading with his eyes. “I didn’t know for sure, that’s why I never said anything. Until I found the ring… I didn’t want to start any trouble.” 

Gavin’s eyes were narrowed as he shook his head at Connor in disbelief. “But, you’ve known for months, and you still didn’t bother to tell me this shit.” 

“Because then— What did it matter? After the funeral, what was the point in saying anything when she was gone? I wasn’t going to tell you and hurt you even more than you already were when it didn’t even matter anymore.” 

Gavin scoffed softly to himself. “You fucking asshole…” he whispered, the knife twisting in his gut even further as he listened to Connor’s confession. 

“Gavin.” Connor took a step forward, and Gavin mirrored him, taking a step back. “I’m sorry,” he said, and Gavin could hear how thick his voice was getting, and he knew the other boy was close to being upset enough to cry. 

Gavin knew he was also on the verge of tears himself, but he was done with crying. He was angry now. He was angry at everyone and everyone who betrayed him. At  _Connor._  

Gavin blinked rapidly as he tried to keep his tears from coming out. He was done with it. He’d done enough crying for the summer. 

“Hank,” Gavin said again, dropping his hands to his waist. Gavin had come here for one thing and one thing only: the truth. “I gotta talk—” 

“Gavin, please, just calm—” 

The words themselves had the opposite reaction. 

Gavin snapped. 

His body fueled him, blindly drove him to act out on what he’d been dying to do since his father ambushed him in his bedroom that morning. He rushed forward and knocked Connor down into the threshold of the open door, straddling his waist as he got about two hard punches into Connor before he was suddenly being lifted off and roughly pushed away. He stumbled backward and tripped, landing on his ass, his elbows skidding against the concrete painfully, but he couldn’t take his eyes off Connor. 

The other boy was groaning and holding his hands to his face as he slowly tossed himself from side to side, bright lines of red trickling down his hands and chin where it dribbled down from his nose. Hank was kneeling down on one knee beside Connor now, cradling the other boy’s head between his big hands. It took a minute of Gavin watching the display through a blanketed haze before he realized Hank was looking at him and yelling at him. 

“… do you get off? Are you deaf, son? Answer me!” 

Gavin turned his fiery gaze on Hank as he pushed himself back up to his feet, standing tall before them. 

“Is it true?” Gavin said, trying to be hard, but he thought he could already hear a slight tremble in his own voice. “Were you … were you fucking my mom?” 

 _Fucking_  was such a dirty word associated with his mother, but it couldn’t have been anything else. It’s not like they were  _in love._  That’s what marriage was for. 

Hank scrunched his eyebrows down in confusion before turning back to Connor. “Easy, Con, tilt your head forward. Come on,” he said gently, and carefully eased Connor until he was sitting and leaning his head forward like Hank directed. Blood only dropped more profusely at this, splattering down in droplets onto the concrete at their front door. 

“Tell me! Tell me it wasn’t your fault!” Gavin said, his voice strong, but as quickly as his anger had consumed him, he was suddenly tired after he yelled with the last ounce of rage he had left in him, and he let out the big breath that he’d been using to buff himself up. He was close to sounding defeated as the rage slowly swirled away from him, and all he was left with was immense guilt at the way he’d reacted, and a burning desire for the truth. “Please. Just tell me the truth.” 

Hank made sure Connor was settled with his head forward before he looked at Gavin again. There was no warmth in his gaze like Gavin had been used to seeing all these years. Hank was like a second dad to him, a nicer one who got along better with his mom and always asked Gavin what he preferred to do instead of telling him what they were going to do. But, the Hank staring at him right now was a direct result of Gavin’s actions right now, and it only made him feel worse. 

“You want the truth, kid?” Hank said, steel in his eyes. And, one thing Gavin knew about Hank was that he was honest. So, whatever Hank told him right now … as pissed as Gavin was about the situation, he knew he would believe him. 

“The honest to god truth is that I loved your mother,” Hank started, and his voice already started cracking with emotion. “It may have been wrong, but it sure as hell didn’t feel wrong when she cracked a smile at my bad jokes, or when she whizzed around my kitchen like she fucking owned it, whipping up better food than the poor scrap I’d make.” 

Gavin swore he wasn’t going to; he was tired of it. But, the tears slid down Gavin’s face without his permission as he listened to Hank talk so fondly about his mother that Gavin didn’t know how he ever could have doubted him. 

Hank gazed down at Connor and petted his hair once before turning back to Gavin. “She was extraordinary. Taking care of Connor as if he were her own, showing the boy what having a mother felt like. And, she was so damn smart. Smarter than I’d ever hoped to be. She used to talk about wanting to go back to school, but her… she never got the chance.” 

Gavin turned around to face the yard, unable to handle the sadness on Hank’s face, or the whimpering coming from Connor. It was all too much, and it was all  _his_  fault. 

How had it come to this? Hank and Connor were the only people Gavin had in his life that he cared about, and what did Gavin do? He fought one, he accused the other. He let his dad get in his head; and, that was the real trouble. 

When Gavin whirled around and gazed at them, he wondered if he could do something. Anything to just erase the last five minutes and just go back inside the house with Connor and take care of him for once. Clean up his cuts and bruises for once. 

But, as Hank’s eyes touched briefly on Gavin before looking away, as if he couldn’t stand to see him anymore, Gavin knew there was no quick fix for this. There was no laughing this off and skirting around a real apology. 

He’d fucked up, and it wasn’t okay for once. 

Gavin shoved his hands into his jean pockets as he took a step forward. “I… I’m—” And, why couldn’t he say it? After all this time and all this hardship and with how close they’d gotten? He still couldn’t say the simple word of apology that was so easy for Connor to say. It had been Connor’s first damn words to him, and yet here Gavin stood, struggling to return the favor. 

“Boy, I think it’s best if you just go on home,” Hank said without looking at Gavin as Hank slowly got to work with grabbing onto Connor’s arms to help him up. Connor winced and bit his lip to stifle the louder moans of pain, and once he was on his feet, he finally made eye contact with Gavin. 

Gavin was  _such_  a piece of shit. 

Connor’s eyes were bright and teary eyed, either from the pain of the hit or the emotional pain that  _Gavin_  was the cause of injuries Gavin had hurt other people for putting on him. His mouth looked horrible already with the dark coat of blood sticking around his puffy lips, the startling color standing out so starkly against his pale skin. He just looked terrible. 

Gavin thought he was on the verge of a panic attack as Hank started to guide Connor back into the house, and Gavin hurried to reach up with one hand to hold his palm flat over his heart, the way they used to do when they were kids and Gavin hadn’t meant to hurt Connor’s overly sensitive feelings. This was their secret language from the start, and even though they’d evolved, and Connor used his words with him now, they never forgot how they started. 

He waited for some sign or signal that Connor got the message, but what was left of his heart fell and crumbled away as Connor merely turned his head away without an acknowledgement and let Hank bring him inside. 

The sight of the door slowly closing behind the two of them stayed with Gavin long after he left that place. He didn’t know it as he walked away that day, but it would be the last time Connor spoke to him for years to come. 

~ ~ ~ 

The first day of high school came a few days later, and Gavin was as low as he had ever been in his entire life. He’d lost his mother. He’d lost the sanctuary he’d found at Hank’s house. But, perhaps the thing that haunted him most was the loss of Connor. Connor was still around, after all, a tangible thing Gavin could see, and every time he saw him was like another knife to the chest that got deeper and deeper until Gavin couldn’t bear going to school and seeing his best friend’s face as the other boy studiously ignored him. 

That first day back had been the hardest. It was when he’d realized that he really had fucked up, and he hadn’t known how to fix it. Connor was in his first class of the day, and when Connor had walked into class late like he always used to, Gavin sucked in a harsh breath at the other boy’s damaged face. His normally smooth, pale skin was marred by two big bruises that covered his cheek near his mouth and reached up to the side of his eye. His bottom lip was puffy, a red slit crossing the length of his cut top lip. 

It had been worse than what their middle school bullies used to do because they had never left such visible marks on Connor. It had mostly been emotional embarrassment instead of actual roughing up, but Gavin hated himself the minute he saw the marks on Connor. 

Connor’s eyes had inadvertently found Gavin’s as he searched for a seat, but before Gavin could make any kind of gesture to him, Connor had immediately looked away and sat in the open seat farthest from him. 

Any hope Gavin had been harboring that they could get past his inexcusable behavior vanished as quickly as the warmth faded from Connor’s eyes. 

His first year of high school sucked, but not in the same way his first year of middle school had sucked. That had sucked because Gavin couldn’t deal with being at the bottom of the food chain, and pushing Connor away had been draining. This year sucked because Connor was the one putting the distance between them, and he couldn’t stand it. This wasn’t how high school was supposed to be, but he knew he had no one to blame except himself. He had let himself listen to his dad, and he’d acted out impulsively on the wrong person. His luck had to run out sometime. 

Gavin found a slight, dull comfort in the new friends he’d made to fill the time. Kamski was as present as ever, as obnoxious as ever, and strangely, he was also a bit nicer to Gavin. Maybe it was because Kamski knew how much losing Connor meant to Gavin, or maybe it was because he was finally growing up, but Gavin appreciated when Kamski went out of his way to make sure Gavin was included with their new friends, made sure Gavin didn’t let himself become a loner. 

They weren’t the best bunch. They liked to drive out to the mall and lounge around as they snuck a purse from this store, slipped some chips in their bag from that store. And, then they’d meet up at the big park in town and smoke on the slide, blocking the path of the younger kids who just came to play. 

But, one good thing about them was they never asked Gavin any questions about himself. He was anonymous with them, and everyone preferred it that way. They weren’t looking to make lasting friendships, they were just looking for other lost souls to float up to fantasy world with. People who wouldn’t judge because they were no fucking better. It was an easy escape for Gavin. 

~ ~ ~ 

That first year passed by in a drug laced haze, and Gavin had no fucking regrets. It made seeing Connor every day easier, made it so that Gavin didn’t seek out those bright brown eyes every morning he went into class. He finally got to the point where if he saw that familiar flop of brown hair in the halls, he didn’t feel a damn thing. 

The year ended quickly, and summer was a bit of a relief. He didn’t have to pretend anymore. He could hole up in his room and cry into his pillow if he wanted to. And, he did. He spent the first few weeks sulking in his room as he texted Kamski some mindless meme compilations. 

Eventually, after the tenth consecutive video he sent to Kamski, the other boy asked him if he was okay. Gavin knew he shouldn’t have sent that last video because ten videos in one hour pretty much signaled to Kamski that Gavin had no life nowadays. 

So, Kamski told him to meet him at the park that day, the big one by Gavin’s house, and he reluctantly agreed. Anything to get away from his dad brooding in the living room to some weird 70s slow rock music. 

They hung out on the castle, still on their phones, but Kamski said it was better for their health that they were outside, at least, and around other people. It was whatever to Gavin. 

Gavin’s eyes started to wander after a while, and when his eyes landed on the carved initials that were etched into the wood over top of the slide, Gavin’s heart flipped. 

He crawled forward and let his fingers run over the CA and the GR carved into the wood, memories he didn’t want to think about floating to the surface of his mind. 

“Whatever happened to you two?” Kamski said, and Gavin sniffed before he dropped his hand and slid away from the slide. “You used to be glued at the hip. No one could tear you away from that quiet kid.” 

“He’s mute,” Gavin said, the muscles flexing in his hand anxiously. He hadn’t talked about Connor in almost a year, and he hadn’t realized just how painful it was going to be. 

“Selectively,” Kamski said, resting his phone down into his lap as he focused on Gavin. “He sure opened those pretty pink lips up to you.” 

Gavin’s gaze shot over to Kamski heatedly. “The fuck do you mean by that?” 

Kamski held his hands up in surrender, but there was a hint of a smile on his lips. “I only meant that the kid was pretty talkative to you. You were the only one he ever opened up to from what I’ve seen of him over the years.” 

Gavin scoffed to himself. He sincerely doubted that that was what Kamski meant. 

“Yeah, well. We all grow apart from our childhood friends at some point.” 

Gavin tried to focus on the video he was watching on his phone, but the meaningless images flew by without Gavin ever really taking notice. 

“That’s not entirely true. Look at us. We’ve been friends since we were practically in diapers, and yet here we are.” 

“I wouldn’t call us  _friends_ , Kamski. We spend more time getting on each other’s nerves to ever really be friends. We’re just too much alike to quit each other now.” 

“Ouch,” Kamski said, pressing a hand to his chest in mock hurt. “You wound me with your truths.” Gavin rolled his eyes. “You may be right. But, I know Connor was something special to you. A friend who was more like family. I think it’s kind of sad that you guys aren’t friends anymore.” 

Gavin snorted, smirking at his phone. “Right. And, why would you even care enough who I’m friends with to call that sad?” 

Kamski was quiet, and Gavin finally looked up from his phone to see the other boy staring down at his blank phone with slanted eyebrows. “Believe it or not, Gavin, I actually do care about you. I know we have a funny way of showing it, but it’s true. And, I know Connor was your best friend for years, and after your mom… well, I worried for you, but I didn’t worry as much because I knew Connor would be there to be the friend you needed. The friend I couldn’t be.” 

Gavin was a little stunned to hear Kamski speaking so honestly. Gavin didn’t even feel the need to make a joke to get away from the seriousness of the situation because he wanted to hear what Kamski had to say. 

“But, then we came back to school, and Connor had a fucked up face, and you had no one by your side. I don’t know what went down with you two over the summer, but don’t let him go. Don’t let yourself give up your chance at happiness just because you’re too stubborn to man up and right your wrongs.” 

Gavin’s throat felt tight, but he was pretty good at keeping his tears at bay nowadays. He hadn’t cried in front of someone else since that day at Connor’s doorstep. 

“Happiness?” Gavin said, slightly confused. “What do you mean by that?” 

Kamski merely squinted at him as his curious gaze roved over Gavin’s entire face. “I think you know what I mean.” 

Gavin couldn’t keep the blush from his face. 

~ ~ ~ 

The rest of summer went by, and he found that hanging out with Kamski wasn’t so bad. Not when the other boy was actively trying not to be a pretentious dick all the time. They went back to a similar routine they used to have when they were younger: Gavin would wake up, make himself some cereal, tell his dad he was heading to the park to meet up with Kamski—to which his father actually consented to—then, he and Kamski would chill around the park all day until the night forced Kamski back home. 

It wasn’t as great as the past few summers had been, and he sometimes wondered what Connor was doing during the summer. 

~ ~ ~ 

Tenth grade started up, and Gavin was all bundled nerves on the first day. He hadn’t seen his old friend in three long, aching months, and Gavin wouldn’t tell anyone that he dressed extra nice that first day just to see if he could get a reaction from the selectively mute boy, but that was his business if it was. 

In his third class of the day, he found him, and  _damn_  did Connor really change over this summer. His face finally began to take shape beneath that baby fat on his cheeks. His jaw line was actually showing, the soft curves framing his face in a way Gavin would remember when he was alone in his room at night. His hair was as floppy as ever, but if he wasn’t mistaken, it looked a bit like a styled mess. Like Connor had swept it all to the side in a neat mess. 

Connor was absolutely breathtaking in all his almost sixteen year old glory, and Gavin couldn’t help a soft, wistful sigh as he watched Connor walk into class late. Gavin straightened up in his seat and tried to smooth his hair back and out of his face, wishing for just a glimpse of those brown eyes. 

It never came. 

They had two more classes together later in the day, and Connor didn’t look his way once. It was like he’d never even known Gavin and just wanted to get through school without hitting anyone’s radar. 

It was like he’d completely forgotten about Gavin. 

When Gavin got home that evening, he tore off his nice button up and traded it in for his usual band shirt and cried himself to sleep. 

Ninth grade had been the hardest with the abrupt dissolving of his friendship, but tenth grade was definitely the darkest. 

Gavin became numb to everyone around him. He didn’t bother hanging out with those kids he used to roll with last year, and besides Kamski, no one really bothered to get to know Gavin. He became the loner he tried hard not to become last year, and it was a lonely year. 

Connor hadn’t looked Gavin’s way once, and that was wearing on Gavin. He missed Connor, damn it. He missed hearing the sound of his voice, something special because only he was privy to its innocent sound, its bright vibrancy. He missed being the reason Connor got that concerned look in his eyes because that showed Gavin that Connor had actually cared about him. The only person who showed Gavin any kind of attention these days was Kamski. 

Kamski had been right, though. He wasn’t the type of friend Gavin needed in his life when things were terrible and dark because, just like Gavin, Kamski was actually shit at providing the nurturing comfort friends usually provided; that  _Connor_  was actually good at. Kamski tried in his own way by making sure he got Gavin outside around people, and by sending him those dumb videos that can still make him laugh sometimes. Kamski tried, and while it wasn’t what Gavin truly wanted, it was the best he would get. 

The school year trudged on, and there was one time Gavin had managed to make eye contact with Connor. It was fleeting, a mere five seconds where everything in Gavin’s world had halted, and he felt like he was holding his breath. 

He was in the bathroom with Kamski, a rolled up joint passing between their hands as Gavin laughed at yet another meme on his phone, when the door opened and Connor walked in. 

The smile froze on Gavin’s face, the laugh halted in his throat, and Connor hesitated for the briefest moment. He gazed at Gavin  _finally_ _,_  and Gavin didn’t know what to do. Should he smile at him? Should he look sorry? Should he  _say_  sorry? 

But, Connor recovered faster than Gavin and pushed his way back out the door, the tiny flicker of hope that Gavin hadn’t known had budded in his chest flickering out the second the door closed. 

Gavin blinked rapidly at the space where Connor had been, the frightened and skeptical look in Connor’s eyes haunting him, and Kamski only patted him on the back meaningfully and passed him the joint. 

Connor had looked frightened. He’d never been scared of Gavin. He was the only person who had never felt threatened by Gavin, even when he used to bully the other kids in elementary school. Now it was the only look Gavin could garner in Connor. 

The loss hadn’t hit him so bad than it did right then. It left a cold feeling in Gavin, a feeling like a hole was permanently etched into his heart and would never close. It would be a black hole that would only suck everything from Gavin until there was nothing left. 

The school year ended with not another glance or interaction from Connor.  

~ ~ ~ 

The beginning of summer vacation marked the two year anniversary of his mother’s death. Gavin hadn’t visited his mother’s grave since the funeral, and he was a little hesitant about going today. But, Gavin really needed his mom right now, so that was how he found himself going through the front gates that led to the cemetery on a cloudy Sunday morning. 

He was alone as he walked through the sullen, dreary grounds of the dead. His dad didn’t want to come with him, some bullshit excuse about needing to be in the office today. It was Sunday; there was no work for his dad on weekends. 

He didn’t know what his dad did on the weekends, and he didn’t want to think about it, but he sometimes came home smelling like cheap cologne and alcohol. 

It was really creepy to be walking along the empty grounds alone, and he suddenly wished he’d asked Kamski to come with him. Gavin would have left him by the gate, anyway, but at least he wouldn’t have felt as alone as he did when he finally made the stretch that curved around to where his mother’s grave plot sat. 

As it turned out, he wasn’t alone. 

There was already someone sitting down in front of his mother’s grave, and his heart started to beat a thousand times faster in his chest as he recognized that floppy brown hair. 

Connor was here.  _Connor was here._  He was less than fifty feet away from him, and this was the first time he’d been so close to the other boy outside of school in nearly two years. 

His mind was a mess of jumbled wants and conflicting needs, his desire to talk to his friend again warring with Connor’s need for space. 

But, Gavin was never any good at denying himself what he wanted. 

He walked faster, not wanting to startle the other boy, but unable to put this off any longer. This was long overdue, and Gavin wasn’t going to let this opportunity slip him by. 

The sound of his footsteps hitting the wet pavement finally reached Connor’s ears because his head abruptly shot up to glance in Gavin’s direction. He slowed his speed walk as Connor scrambled to his feet, flustered as he tried to ignore Gavin yet again and instead focus on his mom’s grave. 

Gavin took it as a small miracle when Connor didn’t immediately take off running as Gavin took up the spot beside him. They were standing shoulder to shoulder as they faced the headstone, a huge space between them that offended Gavin because the last time they’d been standing shoulder to shoulder in front of this grave, Gavin had reached out and taken Connor’s willing hand into his own. 

The awkwardness was beginning to eat at Gavin, and he reacted as he always did in these kind of situations. 

“Funny seeing you here,” he said, a pathetic laugh escaping with the words. The immediate silence that followed was even worse than before, and Gavin shook his head to himself, not wanting to treat this moment as anything other than what it was. 

He turned to face Connor fully, noting the way Connor was still growing before his very eyes. His hair was a bit shorter now, and he could only guess that Connor had gotten that haircut he’d always mentioned he should get. It wasn’t much shorter, just more shapely and framing his face in a way that showed off the soft curves of his face. 

He was still growing at a faster rate than Gavin, and Gavin still had to gaze higher to glance at Connor. His face was more serious, his thin lips in a straight line and his bright eyes forlorn. 

Gavin wished he could erase this person that he almost didn’t recognize and bring back that happy kid who would have slung his arm around Gavin’s shoulder when he was feeling down. 

Connor still hadn’t taken his gaze off the headstone even though Gavin knew Connor could feel his eyes. Why was everything, even the smallest of actions, so incredibly difficult to do now when it had once been as easy as breathing? 

“Will you look at me?” Gavin started. Connor swallowed but still acted as if he hadn’t heard him. The urge to roll his eyes and smack his lips was fucking strong, but he knew it wasn’t the way. 

“Connor, please,” he tried again, his voice shaky and trembling, the thought that Connor could very well ignore Gavin and straight up walk away without so much as a glance in his direction making him anxious, desperate. 

For whatever reason, though, luck was on his side. Connor gazed down at the ground momentarily before he took a deep breath and turned to Gavin, his wide eyes glassy and questioning. 

“Connor,” Gavin said again, gasping at the simple fact that Connor had answered him for the first time in nearly two years. Now was the time. Now maybe he could try and mend things. “I miss you,” he started. Fuck it. He was already out here having lost everything he held dear. He had nothing to lose by acting like a pathetic punk bitch in asking for the forgiveness of the boy who had once been his best friend. 

Connor didn’t react too much other than a slight furrow of the eyebrows, and it should have discouraged Gavin, but he was too desperate to care. 

“You have no idea how much I miss your stupid fucking funny faces, and the way you always get on my case about when I’m on a mean streak.” 

Memories of their childhood were flowing through Gavin as he tried to remember everything about Connor, and soon he realized that his vision was getting blurrier with each blink. 

Connor still hadn’t said anything, and Gavin was so fucking close to losing it. He needed to hear that soft, comforting voice of his, he just had to. 

“Will you say something? Anything?” 

Because he’d even take a simple “fuck off” just to hear that voice that was starting to fade from his memory. 

The silence was so slowly driving him mad, and before he could stop himself, he clutched onto Connor’s shirt, fisting the fabric at his chest into his hands as he searched Connor’s eyes for any sign that he still cared. 

What he found instead was the frightened look he’d seen in him that day in the bathroom, the look of disbelief he’d had the day Gavin foolishly decided to punch him in the face. 

“Stop looking at me like that,” Gavin said harshly, but it was anger he had directed at himself. He was the reason Connor was scared of him now, and he  _hated_  himself for putting that look there. “Stop looking so scared. You know I’d never…” 

Never what? Never hurt him? But, that was a lie, wasn’t it? He’d done the one thing he’d promised himself that he’d never do. Gavin was just full of broken promises. A broken boy with broken promises. Seemed fitting. 

“Please, Con, I didn’t mean to. You know I’d never do that if I was thinking straight. Please, just talk to me.” 

 _Let_ _him talk._  That was what his mother had always told him to do. Gavin had thought before that she’d always said that as a way to punish Gavin. Because if he let Connor talk about how he felt then it would just hurt Gavin, and that was the punishment, right? 

But, he’d been wrong. His mother hadn’t been trying to punish him; she’d been trying to  _save_  him. Because time and time again, he and Connor had gotten into little petty arguments, and he’d always listened to his mother’s advice and let Connor talk through his feelings. They had always made up and moved on. 

The one time he cut Connor off and didn’t let him talk was the same day he’d punched him. The same day he’d lost his friendship with the only person who could actually put up with Gavin’s annoying ass. 

If only he could have remembered his mother’s words that day instead of his father’s, then maybe he wouldn’t be here in this situation today. 

He hadn’t realized it but his face was pressed into Connor’s chest of his own volition as he cried pathetically into the other boy’s shirt. He only noticed once Connor gently pushed against Gavin’s shoulders and removed himself from Gavin’s grip. 

Gavin tried to sniffle his tears away as he wiped an arm across his eyes roughly. Connor was wiping at his shirt where it was wrinkled by Gavin’s tight grip and his tears, but he didn’t look like he cared as he dropped his hands to his side once more. 

Gavin felt incredibly stupid now as reality set in. What gave him the right to be vulnerable and cry in front of Connor? They weren’t even friends anymore. 

 _They weren’t friends._  

They weren’t friends anymore, so Connor didn’t have to put up with him anymore. And, judging by the way Connor was gazing at Gavin with something like pity in his eyes, he didn’t think Connor  _wanted_  to put up with him anymore. 

The feeling of embarrassment struck him even harder as Connor started to walk past Gavin and away from him. 

Gavin whirled around after a dumbstruck second, and his voice was low and raw as he spoke. “That’s it, then? After all the shit we’ve been through… You’re never gonna speak to me again?” 

Connor stopped for a brief second, the muscles in his back and shoulders tensing enough to where Gavin actually thought he was going to say something to him. 

But, Gavin was a fucking idiot. A hopeful, stupid idiot, because Connor eventually kept on walking until he was out of sight around the curve of the pavement. 

Gavin wasn’t even mad. He wasn’t sad. He wasn’t … anything. 

If he had any more tears left to spare, he would have cried some more. How sad that he realized his friendship with Connor was dead while they were in a fucking  _cemetery_? 

Gavin flopped down to his knees and crawled to the edge of his mother’s grave, his heart squeezing. 

“Why aren’t you here with me, Mom?” he said morosely to the wind, skimming his palms along the blades of grass that housed his mother. “I need you. I need you to hold me and tell me everything’s okay because shit’s not okay. I lost everyone; I lost you, I lost my second home, I lost Con—” He paused, collecting himself. “You’d know what to do. You knew everything.” 

He closed his eyes as he tried to reach his mind out, tried to feel her energy. Any little piece of her to tell him that she could hear him. 

It was probably a stupid thing to do, but he was past the point of caring. There was no one left. 

A sharp wind gusted through the air, and Gavin’s spine tingled as it whipped through his hair, sliding through the tufts of hair at the base of his neck like fingers gliding through it soothingly. 

A soft smile graced his lips, the first one he could remember doing in a long damn time. 

“Thanks,” he mumbled, deciding to believe that his mother was there with him. 

~ ~ ~ 

This summer was probably one of the saddest summers he’d ever had. He didn’t go out much, opting to stay in his room and jerk off to porn and laugh at meme compilations all day long. His father was hardly around, but Gavin liked it that way. It practically felt like he lived alone, and free reign of the house made him feel like an adult. 

Kamski had texted him a few times, but Gavin always swiped the message away, trying to ignore the slight twinge he felt as he did so. There was plenty of time for Kamski in school; he wasn’t in the mood to be putting on fake happiness just so Kamski wouldn’t have to worry about him. 

~ ~ ~ 

Eleventh grade started, and his father had mentioned to him how Gavin should get out more this year. Make some new friends he could hang out with after school and maybe he’d lose that “incredibly fucked up grimace” as his dad had said. Gavin probably would have listened to his dad’s advice, but he was trying to make it a habit to write his dad’s words off as nonsense, so he reluctantly agreed to his face, and blatantly ignored him while he was at school. 

There was no one who wanted to bother with Gavin, anyway. It’s not like he had much of a reputation anymore besides that first year of high school when some kids only knew him as “that one kid who got high and always had gum on him.” He did love his gum, so much so that when people asked him for a piece, he always told them to fuck off and buy their own. 

He wasn’t exactly a bully, but he wasn’t nice, and people knew this. High school wasn’t like how it was in the movies. There were no cliques of mean girls who harassed the quiet kids or heavy jocks who cornered nerds in the bathroom. Everyone was too busy worrying about theirselves to truly notice what was happening around them, and if someone had a bad attitude, then they left them alone. So, Gavin slid through high school quietly and alone, just the way he preferred. 

He’d noticed that Connor kept a similar profile. He still didn’t talk in school, so his being selectively mute pretty much ensured that no one would talk to him because these people in school didn’t like to try any more than they had to, and who wanted to spend all their time trying to decipher Connor’s unspoken language? 

Not many people. In fact, Gavin only ever saw one person hang around with Connor, and that was that kid Markus from middle school. Not only that, but at the start of eleventh grade, Gavin had noticed that Connor had upgraded and was  _whispering_  to Markus. 

Gavin pretended that he wasn’t jealous at that, that Connor hadn’t unknowingly jabbed a knife into Gavin’s back. 

Gavin’s 17th birthday went by, and birthdays were just another day to him now. His mother had always made them special by throwing big parties for him when he was younger and inviting everyone in class. Then, when he got older, she’d thrown something smaller because Gavin hadn’t wanted anyone coming except for Connor and maybe Kamski a few times. 

His dad didn’t know how to coordinate birthday parties, so for the last few years the only things Gavin had gotten was a store bought cake and a few presents. 

This year, his dad bought him a keychain to go along with the new car his dad had bought for him a few months back when he got his drivers license. It was a sweet ride, and it was a hell of a lot better than walking to school every morning. 

The keychain was small and more fitting to a child, but his dad seemed to forget that Gavin had grown out of his favorite childhood characters. As he ran his thumb across the Batman and Robin image inside the keychain, though, he had to bite his lip to keep the rush of emotions at bay. He thanked his dad, and his dad would never know just how much he loved this misplaced gift. 

The thing about his birthday was that his favorite holiday was right around the corner. Halloween came fast, and when Gavin woke up that morning, the whole world seemed brighter for some reason. He sat up in his bed and just relished the way the sun filtered into him through the cracks of the blinds, enjoying the warmth that enveloped him. 

He could feel it all the way down in his bones that today was going to be a good day. 

He drove himself and Kamski to school because Kamski didn’t have his own car yet, and while he always said he liked being alone, he also liked not being the only one in the car. 

The day started like any other, but Gavin found himself enjoying the day for once. He and Kamski ate lunch together like always, and when they thought the lunch aides were all occupied, they gazed mischievously at each other before they slid ski masks onto their faces and jumped up from the table. With a can of silly spray in each of their hands, they ran through the tables of the cafeteria and squeezed orange and black silly string above everyone’s heads, a chorus of excited screams filtering throughout the cafeteria as Gavin and Kamski met back up at the entrance to the cafeteria and ran down the hall. 

They laughed to themselves as they reached a break in the corridor to which Kamski told them to split. Gavin ran the opposite way as him and headed for the bathroom down by the gym. 

He ran inside and locked himself in a stall as he laughed to himself, sliding the mask off and into the trash can. He hadn’t had so much fun in years, and he wondered why he closed himself off. Life was shitty to him, sure, but Halloween was the best day of the year. Why not become a different person for the day? 

The sound of the door opening had Gavin holding his breath quickly and he picked his feet up off the ground, hoping the teachers hadn’t found him. 

“My fucking hair got ruined! I hope the security cameras caught whoever did that because it took me an hour to fix my hair up like this for tonight. Now I have to spend another hour after school fixing it for the Halloween party.” 

Gavin’s eyes narrowed as he listened to the girl complain about her hair. Then, he blinked.  _Girl_? 

He gazed around him and took in the pale pink of the walls, the cleanliness of the toilet he was sitting on, the trash can beside him that was specifically designed for women’s products. 

He was in the girls bathroom. 

Gavin almost giggled but he smacked a hand across his mouth to keep himself from being spotted. This girl was obviously not a fan of what Gavin and Kamski just did and would do him no favors in keeping quiet about him hiding in the girls bathroom. 

“These boys are so immature, I swear. Hold still,” another girl said, and Gavin maneuvered himself just enough to see through the crack in the stall door. 

He recognized one of the girls from band class. She didn’t play an instrument, but she did wave the batons into the air while wearing those cute, tight sparkling outfits that looked like something the cheerleaders wore. He didn’t know her name, but he thought it was something like— 

“Shit, Maria, that stuff is totally stuck into the strands.” 

Right. Maria. 

Maria whined and pouted as she straightened and frowned at herself in the mirror. She pulled a hair tie from around her wrist and wrapped her curly blonde hair up in a ponytail. 

“That looks so much better. It almost looks like you have orange highlights.” 

Maria pulled a face at her friend through the mirror. “Yeah, whatever. I have to look my best tonight. After all, I’ve got a date with Mr. Mute himself.” 

Now, Gavin was the one frowning as he listened. 

“What are you talking about? Are you talking about that quiet kid who hangs around with Markus? What the hell! When did that happen?” 

Maria sucked on her tongue as she tried to push down the strands of colored hair. “Yesterday. I asked him if he wanted to go to Josh’s Halloween party with me and can you believe he actually agreed? I mean, he nodded, but it was still a yes.” 

“Why would you do that, though? I thought you liked Josh? Why would you invite another boy to his Halloween party?” 

Maria sighed and whirled around to face her friend, and Gavin could only see her back in the reflection of the mirror now. 

“That’s the thing. If I show up with another boy, one as cute and fine as Connor, then I’m hoping to make Josh jealous enough to finally realize what he’s missing.” 

Maria’s friend scoffed. “But, why Connor? There are hotter guys, more  _normal_  ones.” 

Gavin could feel his jaw clenching. That girl sounded pretty fucking stupid. 

“Maybe, but I figured Connor would be a quiet date, and I wouldn’t have to listen to a guy ramble on about shit that I don’t care about. Besides, I think Connor is gay, so I know he won’t get attached to me. He probably only agreed just to be nice since we have to be in band class together.” 

No, Gavin was wrong.  _Maria_  sounded pretty fucking stupid. 

“That is so mean,” her friend said, but he could hear the smile in her voice. “And, what are you gonna do if Josh  _does_  fall into your little trap? Just ditch that poor boy?” 

“It’s not ditching if I make something up. I’ll just tell him that I forgot that I promised my friends that I would leave with them or something. It’ll work out.” 

Maria and her friend giggled to themselves as they headed out the door, and as soon as the door shut, Gavin let his feet fall to the floor as he jumped up. 

He didn’t know what to do. He wanted to tell Connor that some chick planned on using him tonight, but what was he supposed to say to someone who had left him crying alone in the cemetery? He couldn’t be bothered answering him then, so why should Gavin help him out now? 

He left the bathroom when the bell for class rang, and he headed to class with his head down and his mind whirling. 

As angry as he was at being left that day, he still couldn’t be mad at Connor. Gavin started this mess with his brashness, and he couldn’t fault Connor for finally getting tired of him. If someone had fucked Gavin’s face up for no reason, he sure as shit would have retaliated. 

But, Connor wasn’t a fighter. He never had been. Still, he thought Connor’s punches would have been easier to take than the silence he’d fought back with. It was just a thousand times worse to be ignored than to be hit on. 

Maybe Gavin could have Kamski tell him. He would do it for him, but he didn’t think Connor would believe anything coming out of Kamski’s big mouth. Or, maybe Gavin could go to Markus since that seemed to be his new  _bff_. Yeah, he’d probably do that. 

That was the plan, but by the end of the day, he hadn’t run into Markus once, and he realized too late that Markus was absent from school today. Go figure. 

The only clear course of action became clear to him by the time he reached his last class. It was calculus, and Connor sat all the way in the front near the teacher’s desk like he always did. It was easier to communicate with the teacher that way. 

Gavin sat two seats behind Connor, and while he sat there and stared at the mole on Connor’s neck throughout class, trying to come up with the right words, he finally did it. 

Shooting a quick glance to the teacher, he found her preoccupied with another student. He took this chance to grab his pencil up and walk to the front of the room where the electric pencil sharpener sat on a desk by the door. He pushed the pencil into the sharpener and subtly gazed at Connor. 

The other boy was intensely focused on the worksheet they’d been given, and Gavin’s heart stuttered a little at the look of intensity on his face. His tongue was poking out on the side, and Gavin remembered when they were little and that was the only way they could communicate. How he could always tell when Connor was really focused by the way his tongue poked out and his eyebrows slanted. 

Gavin had been afraid that he’d forgotten Connor’s little quirks, but maybe he hadn’t. Maybe it was all still there buried deep in his mind. 

“Gavin, I think your pencil is sharp enough,” his teacher said loudly, and Gavin swiveled his head down to his pencil. He huffed a laugh as he pulled out the tiniest pencil he’d ever owned, about the length of his thumb. He hadn’t even realized that he’d sharpened it all the way down to the eraser part. 

He held the pitiful pencil out for her to see. “Had to be sure,” he said with a smirk, and a few of the kids who’d been paying attention to them laughed as they saw his two inch pencil. 

As the teacher sighed and went back to the student before her, Gavin’s eyes trailed down to Connor and he was startled to see him already gazing at him. Before he could look away, when Gavin passed by his desk, he dropped down low enough to whisper at him so no one else could hear. 

“I know you don’t wanna talk to me, but just listen,” he said, and Connor stiffened and leaned away a little. Gavin’s chest squeezed painfully, but he trudged on. Connor deserved to know. “Don’t go tonight. That blonde bitch is just using you.” 

Gavin suddenly reeled back with the ferocity of Connor’s swift head swivel. His eyes were heated and narrowed as he faced Gavin down, and he would be lying if he said he wasn’t stunned right now and maybe a little turned on. But, there was still that little voice in the back of his head that told him that he deserved Connor’s anger, and more. 

And, of course, Gavin could hear Connor’s silent message loud and clear. 

 _You jackass._  

Gavin shook his head minutely, unperturbed. “I’m not lying or trying to be mean. I just wanted to help you.” 

The heat in Connor’s bright eyes didn’t lessen, but Gavin did all he could. He went back to his seat and hoped Connor would believe him. 

After school, he and Kamski headed down to the mall to where Kamski worked. He had a part time job at one of the shoe stores in the mall, and tonight, Gavin had volunteered to help pass out candy with him. There was always a shit ton of kids who went screaming through the mall in their costumes as they went from store to store, grabbing up candy from the stores that had someone passing out candy for the little ones. 

He loved the holiday, and since he was too old to go around in his Batman cape and suit, passing out candy to kids who  _were_  in Batman costumes and all different other kinds of characters, it was kind of like the next best thing. 

As he stood at the front of the store and tossed candy into little Spongebob’s basket, and then to Wonder Woman’s basket, Gavin couldn’t help but wonder what Connor was doing. 

The night wore on, and Gavin was sucking on a lollipop he’d taken from the candy bucket as he sat criss cross on the linoleum tiles of the mall floor right at the edge of the shoe store. 

Kamski came over to him and smacked him in the back of the head as he dropped down beside him. It was late, and closing time was early tonight for Halloween, so hardly anyone was still walking around. 

“That candy was for the kids, jerk off,” Kamski said. 

Gavin shot a glare at Kamski before he dropped the act and shrugged. “I’m 17, I’m still considered a youth in this country.” 

Kamski snorted. “Oh, yeah? Why don’t you pull out the old Batman suit and run around and see what kind of reactions you get. I don’t think anyone will be calling you a youth when you look like a fucking dumbass who wants to be a kid forever.” 

Gavin laughed and tossed a snickers at Kamski’s face. “Fuck off. Just because  _you’ve_  got the face of a 30 year old man doesn’t mean I—” 

Gavin’s thigh buzzed as his phone went off, and he huffed at Kamski before he tore out his phone from his front pocket and clicked his screen to life. 

 _Robin (2) Messages_  

Fuck. It was  _him._  

Hastily, Gavin slid the bar on his phone and opened the message. 

 _Hi_  

 _Are you busy?_  

Shit, shit, shit. What should he say? Wait, what was he thinking? Of course, he knew what to say. 

 _No. Y?_  

He typed the message and his finger hovered over the send button before he decided  _fuck it._  

He stared at his message in the little green bubble, reading the two words over and over and over. Why did he say  _why_? What if that was mean? What if Connor read it and thought Gavin was being sassy and decided not to text back? 

“Who the fuck was that? You look like an overexcited monkey,” Kamski said, and Gavin gazed up at him, too dumbstruck to even tone his shocked face down. 

“It was Robin.” Gavin blinked and shook his head. “I mean, Connor. He texted me.” 

Kamski’s eyebrows raised high. “No shit? I didn’t know you two kissed and made up.” 

“We didn’t,” Gavin said, then smacked his lips as Kamski’s words registered fully. “Hey!” He punched Kamski in the arm, who merely laughed. 

“Relax, will ya? You know I’m all for Team Connor.” 

The high-pitched  _ting_  of a message had Gavin scrambling to unlock his phone. 

 _Can you pick me up?_  

The first feeling to flow through him was elation because  _Connor wanted to see him_! He wanted to meet up in person, and of fucking course Gavin could pick him up. Even if he had been busy with something, Gavin knew he would have dropped whatever he was doing and drove all night long to get to Connor. 

 _Yeah. Where r u?_  

“He wants me to pick him up,” Gavin said, and as Kamski drew in a breath, Gavin cut him off. “I swear to fuck, if you make some sex joke, I will shove this lollipop so far down your throat—” 

“Down, down, tiger,” Kamski said, his hands raised placatingly and a humored smile on his face. “I was just going to say how awesome this was. How long have you been waiting for a moment like this? Maybe the kid is finally ready to hear you out.” 

How long had he been waiting? 

Too damn long. 

His phone pinged again and the screen hadn’t even had time to darken the reply was so quick. 

 _Josh’s_ _house._  

Shit. 

How could Gavin forget the party? The party he’d warned Connor against going to with that dumb band chick. 

His chest got hot with anger, fear, a wave of protectiveness falling over him at the thought that something must have happened if Connor was texting him to come and get him. 

He punched the letters in the keyboard of his phone fast, quick, and rough. 

 _I’ll be there in 10_  

The reply was immediate. 

 _Thank you._  

Gavin half smiled at the message, then he threw the candy bowl into Kamski’s lap and shot up to his feet. 

“Are you good if I leave?” 

Kamski scoffed as he relaxed back on his hands. “Oh, yeah,  _suuure_ , I’ll just walk home tonight. The fifteen miles it takes back to my street—” 

Gavin smacked his lips. “Seriously? Dude, just take a Lyft. Or, there’s also these things called  _buses_? You’re not stranded on an island.” 

Gavin knew Kamski could find another way home, but he couldn’t help but feel a little bad that he was ditching him. 

He thought Kamski could tell, because he studied Gavin’s anxious face before he got serious. “No, I’ll be fine. I’ll just get one of the guys cleaning up in the back to give me a ride. My coworkers aren’t so bad, and they’ve given me rides before. Just go, don’t worry about me.” 

“Are you sure?” Gavin said, but he was already slowly walking backward. 

Kamski smirked at him, looking too knowing, like he knew all of Gavin’s secrets and kept them to himself. “Go get your boy, Gavin.” 

It was on the tip of his tongue to call him out again, because why did he always refer to Connor as if he were something more than Gavin’s friend? 

But, maybe Kamski did know. Maybe he did know that there was a special place in Gavin’s shattered heart for Connor, and he just wanted to remind Gavin of this fact from time to time. 

Maybe Kamski wasn’t so bad. 

“Thanks,” Gavin said, stopping his slow trek away for a second to show Kamski that he really meant what he was saying. “Thanks for… Just thanks.” 

He hoped Kamski could read between Gavin’s half sentences to the truth. That he was thanking him for being there for him when he had no one else, how he was thanking him for not letting him get sucked into an abyss after his mom and Connor, thanking him for understanding just how much Gavin needed Connor. 

Kamski only nodded at him and dug his hand into the candy bowl aimlessly, almost  _shyly_ , and Gavin knew Kamski understood. 

The distance to his car was minimal as he sprinted through the mall and out to the parking lot, fumbling with the keys in his sweaty hands as he struggled to open the door. He finally managed, and before he knew it , he was on the road and heading down a couple miles toward Josh’s house. 

Josh was one of those sneaky, preppy types: the ones who were golden students on paper and in front of the teachers and other students. But, when no one was looking, he got up to some pretty dark stuff with the “degenerates” of school. Nothing hardcore, but Gavin thought smoking pot behind the dumpsters at the mall wouldn’t exactly win him any favors with the faculty who adored on him. 

Gavin’s hands were tapping the steering wheel anxiously as he rounded the corner that led to Josh’s house. He hoped nothing too bad had happened to Connor because he couldn’t promise himself that he could refrain from starting a fight right there in the middle of the party. 

The mega lights shining down and around the huge house filtered down to Gavin from all the way down the street. This was a wealthy neighborhood, and Gavin watched as all the little kids still ran about, buckets of candy sloshing in their buckets. 

As he pulled up to the gigantic house, the bright orange lights stuck into the lawn shone up on the house, putting it on a bright display. The whole house was decorated with Halloween knick knacks, some ghosts flying down from the windows, some skeletons standing in the yard, and a shit ton of webs wove through the exterior of the house, making the whole thing look trapped in a spider’s web. It was pretty fucking cool, and if Gavin had felt like drinking himself away into oblivion tonight and probably making out with some of the stoner chicks he saw checking him out sometimes, he would have already been in there wasting his night away. 

But, then Kamski had to work tonight, and he’d complained that he didn’t want to be alone on Halloween, so Gavin had joined him in passing out candy at the shoe store. After Kamski’s shift, they’d just planned on walking around their neighborhood and conning a little bit of candy out of the younger kids walking around without their parents. 

Connor texting him had changed the entire narrative of the night, though. 

Gavin hopped out of his car and shoved his hands into his pockets as he apprehensively walked up the creepily decorated walkway up to the bottom of the stairs that led to the front door. Other teens were falling around the front yard, already drunk off their asses. Some of them were in costume, though not the cool, creepy kind. More like the buff and sexy kind that showed off muscles and legs. 

Gavin pulled his phone out as he leaned against the stair railing and checked his phone, wondering if he should text Connor that he was here and where he was at, but someone tapped his shoulder then, and he already knew it was him because of the tingle that ran through his body at the simple touch. 

He whirled around and just took a minute to take the other boy in. Connor was standing there with his arms wrapped around himself looking so scared, his eyes wide and vulnerable, and Gavin remembered how nervous the other boy used to get around crowds when he had no one with him.  

The urge to just wrap an arm around him was too strong, but he didn’t know if Connor would appreciate the gesture, so he refrained. His hands clenched and unclenched into fists as he physically tried to stop himself from reaching out. 

The bass from the music was booming, and Gavin had to shout to be heard over the noise of the music and the chatter of teens. 

“Are you okay?” 

Connor gulped and looked out beyond Gavin to the street, toward his car. 

Gavin said, “You wanna go?” 

Connor nodded this time and started for the car. Gavin followed and was a little surprised when Connor went straight to the passenger side of Gavin’s car because he didn’t know the other boy even knew which one was Gavin’s car. Maybe Connor hadn’t been as oblivious to Gavin as he’d originally thought. 

His chest squeezed at the thought that Connor had actually been  _watching_  him. Not in the creepy way, but in the way someone paid attention to someone who they didn’t think would notice. Almost like keeping tabs on a crush. 

Gavin may have been stretching a bit. 

They settled into the car, and once Gavin shut his door, they were shrouded in silence. It was incredibly awkward, and Gavin hated it because it  _shouldn’t_  have been awkward. It hadn’t once been. 

This was their reality now, though, so Gavin sighed to himself once and started the car up, u-turning it out of that noisy block. 

“Where do you wanna go? Want me to take you home?” 

He glanced over and briefly caught sight of Connor’s quick head shake. Gavin thought for a minute. “Want to go to my house? My dad’s not home, so … it’ll just be us.” 

The idea sounded fucking awesome to Gavin, but he was more unsure what Connor thought of it. 

Imagine his surprise when, after a moments hesitation, Connor nodded. 

Gavin’s house it was, then. 

The ride over to his house was quick and a little less awkward. He felt better knowing that Connor wanted to spend a little time with Gavin. Why else would he agree to come over? 

It could be that Connor didn’t want to face Hank for whatever reason, or maybe he just didn’t want to be alone. Either way, maybe Gavin could finally talk to Connor and explain himself. If anything, he just wanted Connor to stop hating him before they left high school and would be out of each other’s lives for good. 

That was fucking morbid, and Gavin shut down that train of thought real quick. 

When Gavin pulled into his driveway, he shut the engine off but didn’t immediately get out of the car. He sat there for a minute, resisting the urge to gaze over at Connor. The other boy hadn’t said a word, but he also hadn’t said a word to him in over two years, so that was nothing new. 

It was too quiet, and when Connor finally moved, it was to reach over and rub Gavin’s keychain between his fingers. Gavin held his breath, waiting, watching as Connor studied the Batman and Robin keychain his dad had gotten him a few weeks ago for his birthday. A tiny, breath of a sound came from Connor’s nose before he pulled his hand back and turned to Gavin. 

It was monumental, this moment, and Gavin didn’t want to ruin anything. But, Connor was gazing at him with something other than the look of fear or disdain he’d shown him for two years, and he almost didn’t know how to react. 

Connor’s eyes were soft, and he wondered if he got the same feelings Gavin had gotten when he’d first glimpsed that keychain. 

“We should go inside,” Gavin said quietly, and Connor breathed once, slowly, gathering himself, before he turned away and left the car. Gavin snatched up his keys and followed him, running ahead to unlock the door, unable to take his eyes off of the keychain in his hand. 

It was dark in the house, and since it was Friday, Gavin knew his dad wouldn’t get in until at least two in the morning, so they were safe here for a while. 

Gavin led the way to his room and flicked the light on before he chewed on his lip, standing around in place awkwardly for a moment. What the hell was he supposed to do now? 

Connor walked in behind him, one hand holding onto the threshold, and Gavin watched as Connor took in his room. It was different than the last time Connor had been in here. The last time, his walls were decorated with posters of some of his favorite bands, and maybe a fading Teen Titans poster behind his door. Now, his walls were bare, the pictures he’d had of Connor and his mom all taken down and hidden away in boxes. It had just been too much for Gavin to handle seeing everyday. 

The cartoonish blanket of his bed had been replaced with a bland blue comforter, and it suddenly struck him that his room had none of his personality in it anymore. Or, maybe this was his personality now: dull and simple. 

Connor walked along Gavin’s dresser drawers, sliding his hand along the smooth, paint-chipped finish. Then, he stopped as he gazed down into the top drawer Gavin had accidentally left open. Connor reached in and pulled out one of Gavin’s old Beyblades and twisted his upper body to Gavin with a small half-smile on his lips, questioning Gavin with his eyes. 

Gavin felt airy at the sight, tiny anxious butterflies fluttering around in his stomach, and he huffed a laugh as he moved to stand beside Connor. “I still have all of them,” he said, plucking his old favorite toy from Connor’s nimble fingers. He spun the bottom of it, and they watched as it spun and spun until it finally stopped. “I don’t care how old I get, I’m not getting rid of my fucking collection.” 

Connor snorted softly at that, and Gavin smiled, happy that he could still make him laugh. His smile left him just as quickly as it had come when Connor furrowed his eyebrows and reached into the drawer once more to pull out a folded up piece of paper. 

Gavin knew what he’d found, and his heart raced with panic. He’d always meant to put those notes in a separate box and hide them away. To keep them safe. 

Connor unfolded the note and read it, and he took in a sharp intake of breath before glancing at Gavin disbelievingly. Connor reached in and pulled out another, his eyes going wider and wider as he kept on taking notes out of Gavin’s secret collection and reading the child-like scrawl on the papers. 

Gavin's entire body felt flushed, and he knew his cheeks were probably an embarrassing shade of red when Connor opened up the last note and finally turned his questioning eyes on Gavin for an explanation. 

Gavin reached over and took a single note out of Connor’s hand and read the single word on the paper. 

 _Batman._  

“I don’t know,” Gavin said, because he really didn’t know what to say. How was he supposed to explain that he’d kept every single note Connor had ever written when they were little? How when Connor still hadn’t spoken to Gavin with his words yet and had only passed him notes to get his thoughts across, Gavin had ran home and placed them inside his top drawer with his beloved bey blades? 

“I don’t know what to say, man. I kept them. I kept all those fucking notes from you because back then, I thought I’d never get to hear your voice. I thought these words were the only thing I’d have to remember you by when we eventually got older and went our separate ways.” Gavin felt a sting behind his eyes, and he laughed a bitter laugh to release some of the tension, to keep those stupid tears at bay. “I didn’t know that time would come as soon as it had.” 

Gavin fisted the note in his hand and dropped it back in his drawer. Connor held the other notes cradled to his chest as he stared unseeingly into the air between them. 

“Why don’t you talk to me?” Gavin said, and Connor’s wide, glassy eyes flickered to his. “Are you not speaking because you don’t want to? Or, is it because… I mean, do you not feel comfortable around me anymore?” His voice trembled. 

This was an important question. Because he could handle one of those, he could handle if Connor didn’t feel comfortable anymore because Gavin had fucking caused that with his brashness. He’d have to work on that if he hoped to hear Connor’s soothing voice again. But, if he wasn’t speaking because he didn’t  _want_  to, then Gavin was truly at a loss because he couldn’t make someone do something that they didn’t want to do. 

Especially if he hadn’t wanted to for two fucking years. 

Connor wasn’t answering him, though, he was just staring at him with the saddest puppy eyes Gavin had ever seen, and he couldn’t fucking take it. He leaned his hands on the dresser and let his head hang down, his eyes closing as he tried in vain to stop the tears from springing. But, he couldn’t help it. He was so damn close, Connor was  _right_ _beside_ _him_ , and yet it felt like he was on the other side of an invisible wall Gavin couldn’t pass through. 

All of his emotions were heaving to the surface after so long of him pushing it down that a gasp of a sob tore through his lips harshly, and with it, the dam broke. 

“I’m  _sorry_ ,” he finally said, and his mind cleared at the words he’d never been able to say before, years and years of regret letting loose as he came clean. “I’m sorry, Connor, I’m so fucking sorry for hurting you. I did this. I caused all of this misery between us, and I’ll never be able to tell you just how sorry I am for that.” 

His chest was heaving as he struggled to contain his emotions, but then again, what did it matter? Connor had seen him at his very worst, what was one more time of letting loose? 

He pushed away from the dresser enough to look Connor in the eye, and he tried to control the wobble of his chin as he took in the pained way Connor was gazing at him. Connor's eyes were red-rimmed and his own lips were wobbling before he took in his bottom lip to bite on. 

“I hurt you,” Gavin said and his voice dropped to a whisper now. Connor was right there. He could hear him loud and clear. “You were my best friend. The one person I’d always told myself to look out for, and I … I fucking hurt you. And, if I’ve only got this one night with you, then I want you to know how much I regret that day, and that I’ve been kicking myself ever since then for being such a piece of shit. I at least want you to know that before we leave high school, so that maybe there’s a chance you’ll stop hating me.” 

Gavin breathed in deeply, shakily, before he let it all out in a steady stream. Everything he’d been dying to say to the other boy was finally out there in the world, hanging in the air for Connor to decide on, and Gavin felt incredibly vulnerable right now. 

Connor was gazing down at the notes in his hands, and he could see the silent tears falling down Connor’s cheeks, the wet shine gleaming in the dull light of his room. Gavin wasn’t expecting an answer. He really wasn’t, but as he wiped his sleeve across his eyes to try and rid himself of tears that hadn’t stopped for two and a half years, ever since his mom had been gone, Connor replied with his words, his soft voice sounding beautiful and heartbreaking all at once. 

“I forgive you, Gavin,” he said, and his eyes darted back to Gavin’s, pained and red, glassy and narrowed. “I was angry at you for a long time. You hurt me so bad, Gavin, and the physical pain wasn’t even that bad. The worst of it was the shock of it all. You were someone I took care of, someone who took care of  _me_ ; you were the last person I thought would ever hurt me.” 

“I know,  _fuck_ , do I know,” Gavin said hastily, wanting to hear more of that voice that he’d longed to hear again for years now. 

Connor sniffled and continued. “Honestly, I think I forgave you back at the cemetery that day. I knew then just how sorry you were, and all I wanted to do that day was hug you back and tell you what I’m telling you now. But, I don’t think I was ready, then. I needed time still.” 

Gavin was done crying now as he listened to Connor, letting him talk like he should have all that time ago. Good things happened when he let Connor talk about his feelings, he’d found. Of course, his mother already knew that, and Gavin vowed to never forget her words again. 

“And, now? You’re ready now?” Gavin said, and yeah, his voice was a little timid, and  _yeah_ , he was acting like a punk bitch by crying and apologizing like he was—but, for Connor, Gavin would be just about anything the other boy needed. 

Connor swallowed, the sound audible in the quiet around them, and he glanced down at the notes in his hands before he dropped them back into the drawer and faced Gavin. “When you came to me this morning and warned me about Maria, I thought you were just messing with me. But, you were right. I should have listened to you, because as soon as we hit the party, she went off without me, and I found her later in one of the corners kissing Josh.” Connor gave a quick, bitter laugh as he brought his hands up to clutch his elbows protectively. “But, then I just realized that even after all this time, you were still looking out for me. And, I … I missed that. I missed  _you._ ” 

Gavin gasped quietly, the reality of Connor’s words hitting him deep, and when he spoke, his voice was low, rough. “I missed you, too.” 

They stared at each other for what felt like forever before Gavin finally couldn’t take the space between them anymore, and he rushed forward to gather Connor’s lanky form into his arms, the feel of Connor’s arms immediately wrapping around his back knocking the breath out of him in relief. It truly felt like coming home. 

“I missed you so fucking much, you have no idea,” Gavin whispered harshly into Connor’s ear. The other boy only squeezed back tighter, and that was the only answer Gavin needed. 

Gavin hadn’t been hugged in such a long time, and if he thought about it, he’d say that his last hug was that night before everything went to shit, when Connor and Gavin were cuddling in the other boy’s bed. 

Gavin gulped as he remembered that sweet kiss they’d shared that night. That brief pressing of their lips that Gavin could still remember the bubblegum flavor of if he tried hard enough. 

His hold on Connor began to loosen as he slowly turned his head to the side, enough to gaze upon those pink lips that were suddenly consuming Gavin’s senses. The warm heat emanating from the other boy swam across Gavin’s mouth as Connor, too, turned toward him, and before he knew it, he was carefully inching forward, giving Connor time to stop him if he truly wanted to. 

Connor didn’t move. 

A heady wave of relief washed through Gavin’s entire body as their lips touched, tentative at first. It was still touchy ground for them, and while Gavin knew the hardest part was over, he didn’t know why he’d taken the liberty to progress things, to possibly ruin whatever achievement they’d just made in healing their relationship. 

But, Connor was reacting, too. He was suddenly clutching onto Gavin tightly, unwilling to part with him, and it was all Gavin could do but keep up with Connor as the other boy opened his mouth up to him. Gavin wasted no time in dipping his tongue into the warm space of Connor’s mouth, and he shuddered at the wet feel of it all. Of the dirtiness of it all. A kiss like this was reserved for his dreams, or the occasional time he let himself think of Connor while he was rubbing one out in the shower. 

It was unreal how it was actually happening right now. His entire body was on fire and cool all at once, their emotional intensity from before warring with their sudden desperate desire to fuse together, to express all their sorrow and guilt and  _misery_  of the past two years to each other. 

He could taste the pain in Connor, the remnants of tears on the other boy’s lips mixing with the rough guilt of Gavin’s bruising touch, the way he pushed himself against Connor like he wanted him to forgive him and never let him go. 

And, Connor was  _forgiving_  him. He was letting Gavin kiss him like the way he’d always wanted to, and maybe he was being too pushy, too needy, but Connor didn’t care. He molded himself to Gavin’s apology and accepted him because Gavin knew now that Connor had missed him just as much as Gavin had missed him. 

Still, Gavin had used up all the air he had in his lungs, and he gasped as he reluctantly pulled away from Connor, leaning his forehead against his because he didn’t want to stop touching him. 

“Gavin,” Connor whispered, his voice awed, and Gavin bit his bottom lip as he hummed deeply at the sound of his name. “I… I’ve wanted to do that for a long time.” 

His eyes squeezed shut at that, his arms unconsciously tightening around Connor’s back and shoulders to keep him close. 

“You kidding? I’ve done that a million times in my head.” 

Connor’s sweet and soft giggle made Gavin’s own lips turn up at the sound, and he couldn’t help but press another kiss to his lips. It was less heated, a kiss born of happiness and no expectations; he just felt like doing it. 

Connor pulled away this time and pushed back far enough to where Gavin had to drop his hands from his back. 

“Can we do something?” Connor asked, and Gavin felt so dizzy in the head he would have let Connor have anything he wanted right then. 

“What’d you have in mind?” 

It turned out, Connor had something more innocent in mind than what Gavin had been thinking. 

They hopped in Gavin’s car, and the duck pond was about 45 minutes away, the perfect amount of time for Gavin to wrap his mind around everything that had happened in the past hour, everything that was  _still_  happening. 

Connor was beside him, happily glancing out the window like a dumb kid, but that was just Connor. He’d always had a childlike quality to him, and maybe that was the innocence still radiating from him, but it was fucking refreshing. It was nice to just hang out with his friend like old times. 

The other boy must have felt his gaze because he turned to him, and while Gavin’s cheeks heated up at being caught staring, Connor’s eyes brightened, a small smile flicking his lips upward. 

It was past dark by the time they reached the pond, and as they slowly eased their way out of the car, Gavin studied the way the lampposts lit their path along the paved walkway and led to the tiny bridge Gavin remembered hanging out at. 

It was surreal as they walked through the empty walkway, not nearly as much space between them as Gavin had slowly grown used to. It felt like one of those dreams Gavin used to have where he’d be looking for Connor and always ended up finding him here at the duck pond, happy and patiently waiting for him. 

But, this wasn’t a dream, this was his reality; hopefully, his new reality, one with Connor there and with him by his side once more. It was almost poetic to Gavin how fate brought them back together on Halloween night, the same day they’d met all those years ago. 

“We don’t have any bread,” Connor said as he skipped ahead and up onto the bridge, leaning excitedly over the railing to gaze down into the dark waters. Gavin caught up to him and pressed himself against the railing to try and find ducks in the water, but he saw nothing. Maybe they didn’t come out at night. 

“There’s nothing down there anyway,” Gavin said before he turned around to rest his back against the railing, his elbows resting lazily against the metal bar. 

Connor was quiet as he brought his head down to rest on his hands as he gazed out at the silent waters, then he said, “What are you thinking about?” 

Gavin huffed, a tiny breath of air that was full of humor and tenderness. “Why do you always ask me that?” 

Connor was ever the only person who asked about what Gavin was thinking, and he’d always wondered why. Gavin didn’t even care what he was thinking about half the time, so why would anyone else? 

The other boy turned to him slowly, one arm resting against the metal bar beside them. Gavin tried not to make eye contact with him because hadn’t they had enough real talk for one night? Couldn’t they just sit there at the pond like old times and goof off together? 

But, Connor touched his shoulder, and Gavin was helpless to him. Connor had him completely wrapped around his finger, and in that moment as Gavin’s vulnerable gaze fell on Connor’s soft one, well, he thought that was just okay. 

“Because I want to know.” 

And,  _this_  was why it was okay; because Connor never abused the power he inadvertently had over Gavin. He just wanted to know. He just wanted to know what Gavin was thinking, and it was so innocent. It made Gavin’s teeth ache at the sweetness of it all. 

Gavin sucked his top lip between his teeth as he thought honestly for his answer. What  _was_  he thinking about? 

“I’m just … really happy. I’m glad you’re here right now, with me, and I—” 

There was so much he wanted to say. He was so full of these feelings and thoughts that only Connor could bring out of him, but it was just incredibly difficult to speak about. 

Of course, Connor knew this. Connor knew  _everything_ _._  It was their unspoken language at work here. 

“I know the past couple years have been … difficult,” Connor said, and Gavin snorted before he continued, “but, I hope we can move forward, you know? Just … be friends again?” 

It was exactly what Gavin had been trying to say, but Connor was always braver than him, brave enough to breathe the words into existence between them. Or, maybe he felt the same hesitance that Gavin felt and truly wondered if they’d ever get past their incredibly rough patch. 

Gavin had always thought it was funny how Connor thought he could just slip between Gavin’s fingers. Maybe for a while there he had, but Gavin always manned up enough to catch Connor just in time and reel him back in. 

Gavin brought his hand up and stroked the side of Connor’s face, his thumb rubbing along his cheekbone gently, dare he say—lovingly. This was something he was good at. Connor was always good at speaking about the truly heartfelt feelings, but Gavin was good at reassuring the other boy when he was anxious. 

“What have I always told you?” Gavin said, and Connor squinted at him for a moment, trying to remember something from their childhood. Then, his eyes brightened with understanding, and Gavin said it one more time. “I’m Batman. And, no one fucks with my Robin. Not even me.” 

Connor smiled at him, his eyes twinkling with promises and hope, and Gavin knew they were going to be okay. He had everything he needed now. He had his friend back, he had the opportunity to mend their relationship. And, if the sweet memories of Connor’s lips said anything, then they had the chance to become more than what they were. 

Just this morning, Gavin had woken up with the sun shining on his face, and from the very first second of the day, he’d known that today was going to be a good day. He never could have guessed that he would have gotten the best possible thing back, though. He never would have imagined that within the course of a day, on his favorite day of the year, no less, he’d have his best friend back and in his arms. His  _Robin._  

Because Gavin had always thought that Batman was nothing without a Robin at his side. He remembered when he was ten years old and had been walking around as Batman, looking for someone to be his Robin for the Halloween parade. And, then Connor had been sitting there on the float in his Robin suit, and it was like he had just been  _waiting_  for Gavin. Like the world had been waiting to pair the two of them up for a monumental meeting. They spent that day playing at being superheroes, like how kids did, and now they were seventeen; now he was ready to take on the world like a true superhero, and it was going to be one hell of an adventure with his best friend by his side. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo??? This one was a real rollercoaster and I k ow the beginning made it seem like it was going to be a huge fluff piece but I always like to mix it up with fluff and angst bc real life is like that!
> 
> I loved writing this and it didn't take me long to write actually, which probably shows how into it I was. These two are super adorable and fun to write about, and I don't think I'm done with them yet. Although I might go back to my Hank and Connor series now, this won't be the end for this pair from me!
> 
> Thanks so much to everyone who kudo'd and commented, it's so much fun hearing from you guys. Peace out my dudes!
> 
> Edit: So I had this playlist I listened to while writing a majority of this, and while it was mostly your typical 2000s alternative playlist, I did have a song I played a ton. Apocalypse by Cigarettes After Sex was pretty much my go to song for this, and I just wanted to share that! As late as I am lol but yeah, they’re a great band, I listen to them for most of my stories, really.
> 
> [tumblr](http://harrysedwrds.tumblr.com/)


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